Page 236 of When We Fall: Part One
I’d fucked up again. I hadn’t meant to say all that shit, but something snapped inside of me when she said she wanted to try sugar. She was better than this shit.
“I’m not going to leave you for anyone,” she said, trembling. “I-I’m sorry my actions haven’t shown that lately. I’m lost, too, but I don’t want to leave you guys.” She wiped at her eyes.
My heart clenched.
“I’m sorry. I-I’m so in my head. I don’t mean it—” I said.
“You do mean it. And you’re right. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t important to me, for Anson. I-I do care about him, but it cannot be. I’m learning to accept that. I-I’m not going to leave you or the guys for him. Ever.”
“Fuck.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “Don’t…Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“It’s not the truth.” I reached for her and cradled her face. “I don’t want it to be the truth.” I studied her to see the confusion in her eyes. “I want Anson to join us. I like him. If it came down to you leaving with him or him staying with us, I would choose to stay every time because I get to keep you that way. Given the state of things, I know you have dreams and more love than we deserve, but I’m selfish and want you to stay. I’m a prick because I would have you sacrifice your dreams for us if it meant you would stay. And Ifucking hatethat about myself. I hate it, Rosalie. But I’m not a good guy. I’m just… not.” I thumbed the tears falling down her cheeks away. “I just want you to stay.”
“OK,” she whispered. “I’ll stay.”
I rested my forehead against hers, listening as she cried softly.
“Do you promise?” I asked, my voice trembling. Each word that fell off my lips made me hate myself more.
“I promise.”
Fuck. I was such a goddamn prick for my words. I wanted so many things for her, but what about me? I hated myself even more for being so fucking selfish.
She shifted. Her lips met mine in a soft, damp kiss. I resisted it for all of a moment, finally deciding if I was going to fuck things up, I might as well seal it with a kiss.
I pushed her down onto the table, undoing my pants as I went. It didn’t take me long until I was seated deep inside herbody, her hands pinned above her head as I rutted into her pussy.
“E-Ethan,” she moaned softly.
“Baby,” I answered, shoving into her on repeat. Her body trembled as she came for me. I couldn’t hold back. I let out a groan and joined her, both of us breathing hard as I slowed the roll of my hips.
I stared down at her for a moment, my heart in my throat, before I pulled her to a sitting position. I buried my face in her neck and clung to her for all I was worth.
“I’m not good for you,” I choked out. “I fucking want to be, though. I’m trying. I’m sorry for being so selfish, sweetheart. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I love you,” she murmured, holding me in her arms, her fingers raking gently through my hair. “I will always love you. Everything is OK. I’m not going to leave. I’ll still be with you forever if it’s what you want.”
I nodded miserably against her, hating myself just a little bit more.
Story of my fucking life.
SEVENTY-FOUR
ROSALIE
It had been a few weeks since Ethan’s proclamation in the basement. He wanted me to stay. He said he needed me. Only Enzo and Anson knew about the recording deal. Telling anyone else was pointless because I’d made up my mind.
I was going to turn it down.
Ethan needed me, and I made him a promise. I’d gone over it in my head. Anson’s words were repeated about not letting anyone’s feelings influence my decision, but the decision was made regardless. Ethan needed me. If I left, he’d fall apart. I didn’t want that. I loved him too much to put him through all that. Besides, I’d been a real shit girlfriend lately with all my Anson emotions. I owed my guys this, especially Ethan.
I decided the best course of action would be to finish the semester and sign up for the teaching courses I’d tried to do before. I’d explain everything to Anson. I’d lose my scholarship for the performing arts, but I’d still have my academic scholarship. I’d have to get a job to pay for what was left over after the scholarship because there was no way I’d let the guys pay for it. As it was, I was slowly tucking money into various parts of Cole’s bedroom after he’d made the large deposit intomy account weeks before. I didn’t want to live off the guys like a leech. I wanted my things because I paid my way.
I sat on my bed and dialed Alex’s number. It was time to pull the plug on everything. Having a broken heart was an understatement because it was my dream come true, but I loved Ethan more than anything and needed to do this for him.
“Hello?” Alex’s voice came on the line.
