Page 42 of Private Exhibit
Andy let out a shuddering breath. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he whispered, fighting with everything he had not to kiss the boy right then and there. Andy swallowed hard, then made himself start to pull away. He watched to make sure Devon was steady on his own before he slowly let go. “Feeling alright?”
Devon nodded again.
“Good,” Andy murmured. “That's–”
Devon gasped and whirled on him, his eyes wide. “Wait. If your son…then you…” He studied Andy's face, a frown slowly creasing his brow. “No, it couldn't be from you. You wouldn't have lived this long.”
“Oh,” Andy said, realizing what Devon meant. “Yeah.” He looked away, feeling that punch of betrayal all over again. “That was the worst part. Lydia was a carrier for Ashworth-Grahams and she knew it. She never said a word. Not when she found out she was pregnant, nor when the early scans showed it was going to be a boy.” Andy muttered a curse. “She knew our child was going to die and she had him anyway. If we'd had a girl instead, everything would have been different.” Andy stared at the ground. “I saw it on her face, when the doctors came back with the test results. The lack of surprise. The guilt. For all intents and purposes, our marriage ended that day. We stayed together for Junior's sake, but we lived like roommates. All the romance and passion were gone. I couldn't trust her. I could barely look at her some days.” Andy breathed a bitter laugh.
“What?” Devon quietly asked.
Andy shook his head and pointed at the hospital building. “We used to live right up there. The upper floors are all apartments. It's mostly doctors who live there. Nice andconvenient, especially when you're on-call. For me, it was perfect. I was always a few steps away from work, so if I woke up in the middle of the night with an idea, I could simply run downstairs to my lab and go over files or run some tests.” Andy shook his head. “After Junior died, Lydia moved out right away. Went to live with her parents.” He laughed bitterly again. “She saidshecouldn't stand to look atme. Junior could almost be my twin. Put pictures of us side-by-side at the same ages, and we're hard to tell apart. But Lydia said she couldn't look at me anymore because all she could see was the man her son would never grow up to be.”
Devon quietly gasped. “Even though she'd known all along…”
Andy nodded.
“I'm so sorry,” Devon whispered.
Andy flashed him a quick smile of thanks, then took a deep breath and sat up straight, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Gods. It felt good to talk to Devon. To be near him. He almost couldn't believe he'd just admitted his deepest, darkest guilt to someone, but with Devon, it had almost been easy.
The relief left Andy feeling shaky all over.
A low vibration sounded. Devon jumped, then breathed a laugh. “Sorry,” he gasped. “My phone. It's probably Oliver.” He wriggled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. “Yep.”
Andy couldn't resist looking. A text thread filled the screen, with the most recent message asking if Devon was alright.
Devon quickly typed back that he was fine, then looked up and all around. “Shoot. It's getting late.”
“I should get you home,” Andy murmured.
Neither of them moved.
Eventually, Devon sighed and stood up. “Thank you for coming out with me.”
Andy couldn't help smiling. “My pleasure.” He paused. “Thank you for listening.”
Devon smiled shyly and ducked his head, then quickly typed another message about being on his way before he stuffed his phone back into his pocket.
Andy got up and walked beside him as they made their way back across the plaza. “Are you and Oliver–”
“What?” Devon asked, looking up at him.
“You know…” Andy waited. “Together?”
“Together?” Devon asked
“It's just…I've seen plenty of couples in open relationships–”
Devon breathed a laugh. “Oh! Gods, no. No, I've never dated anybody. And we are totally not one another's type. Oliver and me, I mean. No, we're just roommates. Well, friends now, too.” Devon looked down. “I tried living on my own, but eventually I had to accept that it was too dangerous.” He grimaced. “I had an attack once that left me paralyzed from the neck down. I was stuck there on the floor for hours. Couldn't reach my phone. Couldn't call out for help. I thought for sure I was going to die there. As soon as it was over…” Devon shook his head. “Well, as soon as it was over, I had to clean myself up and eat something because I was filthy andstarving. But once I felt back to normal, I put out a want ad for a roommate. Free room and board in exchange for taking care of me when I have my attacks. Oliver was the only one to respond.” He blushed. “It wasreallyawkward at first. Still is, from time to time. But he's my best friend now. And he's had a really rough life. Living on the streets and…worse.”
Andy winced.
“So it's nice to know that I can give him a relatively stable home. I'm hoping to save up a little bit of money before I…Well. You know. I want to leave him something to live off of so he won't have to go back to that.”
Shit. Andy's chest tightened.Before I die, Devon had been going to say.
