Page 49 of Private Exhibit
Why the fuck not?
Andy inhaled through his nose and held the breath, trying to make himself let the obscenity go, then exhaled heavily. How was he going to answer that without bad-mouthing Junior's mother to his face?She can't even look at me anymore, he finally replied, sticking to a partial truth.She says I remind her too much of you.
Junior stopped pacing, his furious expression giving way to one of hurt.Oh.
Andy waited in silence, watching his son as the boy stood there, posture drooping in defeat.
It's not fair, Junior finally said. He sniffed like he was about to cry, then looked up at Andy.You know she's been seeing someone, right?
Andy inwardly flinched. Lydia was dating? That was news to him.
I kept hoping, Junior went on before Andy could say anything,that it was just a fling or something. You know, like a rebound? I kept waiting for her to break up with the guy and get back together with you. But now it sounds like it's serious. They were talking about getting married. And if you're–
If I'm what?Andy asked when Junior broke off.
Junior made a violent gesture towards the office, then let out a heavy sigh and fidgeted where he stood.Can't you go talk to her or something? At least try to make her break it off with him? Try to get back together?
Junior–
Because I don't know how to fix it, Junior went on.It's all my fault.
Andy tensed, then quickly crossed the room and grabbed his son by the shoulders.It isnotyour fault. You hear me?
Junior looked down, blinking rapidly despite not being able to produce physical tears.But I died, and you guys broke up because of it.
Fuck, Andy thought. He clenched his jaw and shook his head, then looked his son right in the eyes.We did not break up because of you. We broke up because of us. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You hear me? Nothing.
Junior shuffled his feet, looking down at the floor.But, maybe, if you guys got back together, we could convince her I'm still here. We could be a family again.
Andy sighed.I'm so sorry, kiddo. That's never gonna happen. But we'll work on convincing her that you're here, alright? I promise.He gave Junior's shoulders a squeeze.But in the meantime, your mother is allowed to move on.He paused, swallowing hard.I'm allowed to move on. A little thrill ran through his body, realizing just how long he'd been trying to make himself admit that out loud.
Junior's head snapped up.But with a guy?he asked incredulously, pulling free of Andy's grasp.
Junior–
No, Junior said, shaking his head as he took another step back.I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for my dad to be gay.
Andy sighed and rolled his eyes, not bothering to state again that he wasn't gay.Where are you going?
To hang out with Jess, Junior snapped.
Been spending a lot of time with her, Andy pointed out.
Yeah? So what? I like her. And I think she likes me.
Andy raised an eyebrow.Leaving aside the fact that she's going through a rough transition right now, she's too old for you.
What the fuck are you talking about? We're almost the same age.
Andy shook his head.No, you're not–
And what about you, huh?Junior demanded, gesturing towards the office again.Kissing some guy not much older than me? Ewww.Junior shuddered and held up his hands.You know what? Fuck this. I'm out.
Junior!Andy demanded, but the boy vanished, leaving Andy alone in the stark, sterile room.
Andy sighed and whirled around, running his hands back through his hair.Fuck. He paced to one end of the room, then turned and headed in the opposite direction. His long stride ate up the floor. In no time, he was at the wall and turning around, heading back towards the office.
He stopped halfway across the room, eyeing the office door, picturing the boy just beyond it. A perfect boy who looked at Andy like he was the entire world and who kissed like time would never end.
