Page 45 of Puck'n Bully
“I’ve coached you for the past three years but I’ve never seen you so out of focus.” A concerned look comes over him. “If you’re in some kind of trouble, you know you can talk to me, right?”
“Yeah,” I mumble. “Thanks, Coach but it’s nothing.”
He looks at me like he doesn’t believe me.
“This is an important year for you as well as Mitchikov and Johnson,” he reminds me. “You know how much your performances in each game will determine your futures.”
Of course. We’re all seniors and looking forward to getting drafted into the NHL this year.
“I understand, Coach.”
“Good. Now go and get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the gym.”
With a nod, I walk away toward the changing rooms. My shoulders slump as guilt weighs heavy in my gut. I need to do better. I need tobebetter.
But I just can’t focus on anything when my head is filled with thoughts of Liam. I must make him understand how I feel about him or I’ll risk losing more than just a game.
15
Liam
Loud voices fill the lounge as a group of freshmen students gather in a corner to discuss one of their upcoming assignments. I sit hunched over my laptop in a corner, scrolling through research papers, trying to focus on the words on the screen.
I’m sure Hayden isn’t a part of that group of Physics undergrads but I still can’t help looking. A sliver of disappointment flickers through me, confusing me.
Why shouldIfeel disappointed? It’s not like anything would be different if Hayden were to magically appear before me.
I’m done with Hayden, I tell myself for the hundredth time today. Stop thinking about him already!
Over the past week, I buried myself in my work in a bid to keep my mind off Hayden. It doesn’t help that despite canceling our tutoring sessions, he still keeps texting me.
Each time I read them, my heart skips a beat.
It’d be so damn easy to give in to Hayden and let him into my life again.
It’ll make both of us happy but I know our relationship won’t last long.
As soon as one of Hayden’s teammates walks in on us, I’ll be tossed aside like a piece of trash. He’d never acknowledge our relationship in front of them. I’d have to live in the shadow like a dirty secret for the rest of my life.
I know firsthand how hard it can be to come out as a gay man, especially in a sport like ice hockey. I don’t want to push Hayden into something he’s still not comfortable with but I can’t live my life feeling unseen and hidden.
I need to stay strong and just ignore Hayden until he gets bored of chasing me.
Releasing a heavy sigh, I look toward the paper on my laptop screen. Next, I glance at the notebook, filled with formulas and calculations.
What exactly was I looking for?I wonder, my frustration peaking as I aimlessly sift through the pages of my notebook.
I’m trying so hard to focus on my research but my mind is refusing to cooperate. It’s not just my heart that’s been taken over by Hayden. He’s even hijacking my brain!
I need to be strong. I need to stay away from him.It’s the only way I can survive, I remind myself.
Taking a deep breath, I force my attention on the lines of complicated equations in my notebook.
A couple of hours later, I stare at my notebook and see the pitiful progress I’ve made on my research. Accepting defeat, I pack up my laptop and decide to get some lunch.
Walking out of the building, I inhale the fresh, cool breeze. It’s another beautiful day on the gorgeous campus of Knightswood U. Shades of yellow and orange creep into the lush foliage surrounding the grounds, signaling the onset of fall.
Groups of students lounge on the grounds, soaking up the last of the warm afternoons. Walking past them, I make my way toward the cafeteria.
