Page 68 of Fake It Till You Break It
His smile was annoying, but I couldn’t help ducking my head a bit when I slid the laptop back to him. “Maybe you’re right. It’s not entirely her fault.”
“Nope. So, what are you going to do about it?”
That was a hard question. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. On one hand, I was still mad at her for going behind myback. On the other hand, after reading those emails, I couldn’t blame her for what she did. Especially when I still missed her like crazy. It’d only been a few days, but I already missed her chattering and laughter. Her stealing my food and fiddling with my radio. Once, I started to say something to her in the car before realizing that she wasn’t there. I don’t know how I ever imagined life without her.
“I don’t know yet,” I finally said.
Finn looked sympathetic as he pushed the laptop to the side. “Well, an apology would probably be a good start. And don’t wait too long, or it won’t work anymore.”
“Like you waited two years to give your apology?”
“Yeah, about that.” He glanced down at his hands. “I’m still not making any excuses, but I just want you to know that I didn’t leave because I didn’t care about you. I left because—because…”
“Because?” Mom suddenly appeared out of nowhere and leaned against the kitchen doorframe. She was still in her pajamas and bedroom slippers. The ones that I bought for her for Mother’s Day last year. “As glad as I am to have you back, I’ve been waiting for this answer for years, but I was always too afraid to ask.”
Finn shifted back and forth in his seat like he was cornered, and I couldn’t help smiling in satisfaction. Crossing my arms, I tilted my chair back to lean on two legs and watched him squirm.
“I don’t know. I guess the easiest way to explain it is… honestly, I was feeling trapped at home. I had been for a while actually. I was tired of being the kid who survived the car accident. The one that had to live up to our dead parents’ expectations.” Sighing, he ran both of his hands through his hair, tugging it a bit in frustration. “I know it sounds stupid. Even I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I just feltsuffocatedand knew I had to leave. Get away. Once I did, I knew it was a horrible mistake. But I was too ashamed to come back.”
I didn’t think anything Finn said would have made me forgive him, and I still didn’t. But I did start to feel bad for him. I never knew he felt that way. I always thought everything was perfectly fine. Then again, I didn’t remember Mom and Dad at all, so it never bothered me whenever people brought them up. I was barely two when they passed, but Finn was already five. Old enough to know what was going on. Old enough to miss them. And I guess it affected him more than I thought. More than any of us knew.
“Oh, honey.” Mom patted his shoulder. “You should have told me you felt that way. All this time, I thought it was something that I did. That I was… lacking as a mom. That I disappointed you both.”
We both stared at her in horror. “How could you think—”
“Why would you—” Finn hugged Mom. “You and Jake are the reasons I wanted to come back. But I didn’t know how you would react. If you would forgive me. It took a while, but Miatold me that if I didn’t come back now, then I would be losing my family forever. And I was a fucking idiot if I let that happen. Sorry, Mom.”
I stared at Finn. “She did? I didn’t see that email.”
“Yeah, it was the second or third email. I…” He cleared his throat. “Accidentally deleted it.” He shook his head and laughed. “I don’t know how she managed to pull off nagging in an email, but she did. And she knows quite a few curse words.”
Mom gasped, but I just laughed, already imagining how that particular email would have sounded.
“Well, whatever she said, I’m glad that she did.” She rubbed her forehead against the top of Finn’s head like she did when we were kids. “I’ve missed having both of you in the house.”
“Me too, Mom.”
They stayed like that for a few minutes, and I couldn’t help feeling a tad bit happy. As mad as I was, Mom was right. It felt good to have Finn and Mom together again.
With their heads still pressed together, they both turned to me with expectant smiles. “What?”
“Now it’s your turn to confess something,” Finn said, as if it was my turn to wash the dishes or something.
“I don’t have anything to confess.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “You’re a teenage boy. You pretended to date someone only to fall in love with her. Don’t deny it. I know you did. And then you broke up with her. And now yourestranged brother of two years just came back into your life. Are you sure you don’t have anything else to get off your chest?”
God, when she put it like that…
“I already said everything I needed to say to Finn.”
He shook his head. “No, you didn’t. There’s more. I could feel it.”
Jeez. Finn comes home for a few days, and suddenly he’s all intuitive and insightful. And the worst part was that Mom was buying into this whole thing.
I shrugged and kept my mouth shut. Mom and Finn gave each other knowing looks and leaned back in their chairs before crossing their arms. Minutes passed, but no one said anything and all you heard was thetick tockof the clock on the wall.
Surrendering, I let out a deep sigh. “Fine. I already said that I’m pissed at you for leaving and ditching Mom and me.”
