Page 64 of Fake It Till You Break It
I didn’t want to be one of those girls who drowned their sorrows in ice cream after they’re dumped, but there was a reason that everyone did it in the movies and on TV. It was just comforting to eat something cool and sweet. Even if my heart wasn’t happy, at least my stomach would be.
So I compromised and settled in bed with some mango sorbet from the Asian market. With a couple of green tea mochi tossed in. At least then I could half pretend I was being healthy.
Twisting the gold ring around my finger, I was halfway done with my second box of mochi and kind of feeling sluggish from all the sugar when Mom called me from downstairs. “Mia, someone’s at the door for you!”
It was probably Aly. She told me she was going to come by to drag me out of the house before I got arrested for stalking. Although technically, was it even stalking when I was home? I was merely people watching. Watching a certain person.
I took my ice cream with me as I came downstairs. It wasn’t until I opened the door that I realized it wasn’t Aly outside. There was a male back on our front porch. With broad shoulders and dressed in jeans and a knitted polo. He turned around…
It was Ben.
Panicking, I slammed the door in his face. Then immediately smacked the top of my head with both hands for being such a wimp. It was stupid, but it was a reflex. Like ducking when someone threw a ball at you. If the ball was a handsome senior you sort of cheated on.
Just a few weeks ago, I would have killed to have some alone time with Ben. Like, would have fought in the Hunger Games kind of killed. But now Ben was pretty much thelastperson I wanted to see.
Finally letting out a deep breath, I put the box of mochis on the end table, redid my ponytail so it wasn’t a lopsided mess anymore, and straightened my gray Flintstones T-shirtbefore opening the door again. “Hi, Ben. Sorry about… before. You caught me by surprise.”
“It’s okay.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. His lips were set in a thin line. “Could I talk to you for a minute?”
“Uh, sure.” I stepped out onto the porch but leaned against the closed front door with my hands clasped in front of me.
“So, Mia—”
“I’m so sorry, Ben, about the other night.” I wrung my hands together until they started to hurt a bit. “I don’t know what happened, but I swear that I didn’tmeanfor any of it to happen. I would never have invited you if I did. What kind of monster do you think I am?”
“I don’t—”
“Of course you don’t think that. You’re such a good guy. And perfect. Have I ever told you how perfect you are? Like perfect with a capitalP. Handsome. Smart. Sexy as hell. Like seriously, daaamn.” I stretched out the last word into a couple of syllables to really drive the point home. “Any girl would be thrilled to be with you. Any girl who isn’t stupid like me. Apparently. Because I am that stupid.”
Ben held up a hand to shut me up. “As much as I love hearing how awesome I am, I think it’s my turn now. I just want to say one thing, and then I’m going to go.”
Now I felt even more ashamed than before. Here I was rambling on and on to make myself feel better when I didn’thave the decency to go to Ben first. I mean, I tried to the first day, but after Finn showed up… I was so occupied with Jake that I completely forgot about Ben.
I let out a deep breath. “You’re right. Let me have it.”
He shoved his hand into his hair and looked down at our feet. “I’m not going to lie, when I saw you and Jake together, I was pissed. Really pissed.”
“I know and I’m sorry—”
“Just let me finish, okay? I need to get this out.” Ben shook his head like he was still confused. “I know we were just getting to know each other, but Ireallyliked you. And I thought you felt the same way. I even talked to the director about staying in town after graduation so I would be around. And then… to see you kissing Jake. After I asked you a bunch of times if there was anything going on. I just felt so… so…”
I winced and prepared myself.
He stopped and took a couple of deep breaths. “But I thought about it the past couple of days and… it’s okay.”
“It’s—wait, what?” I stood there and blinked at him like an idiot. “How could it be okay? I was kissing another guy. You should be yelling at me.”
He let out a soft laugh. “I’ve never been good at yelling at girls, so I think I’ll pass. Like I said, we weren’t official or anything. And deep down, I should have known there was something going on between you two. You were in your own speciallittle bubble that no one could join. I just didn’t want to admit it because I liked you so much.”
My heart wrenched at his words. But I didn’t know how to respond. “Sorry” didn’t seem like enough and besides, anything I said now wouldn’t make anything better. All I could do was hang my head in shame.
“So anyway, that’s all I wanted to say.” Ben took a step toward me before stopping himself and backing up. “I’ll see you at rehearsal.”
“Okay.” He was halfway down the steps when I called him again. “Ben? I just wanted to say that I really am sorry, though. Truly, truly sorry.”
His face was still sad, but he managed a tiny smile. “I know.”
And then, just like that, he was gone.
