Page 39 of Fake It Till You Break It
“Yeah… about that.” Mom folded her arms on the tabletop. “I think you should give that a shot, too. Like your brother.”
For a minute or two, all I could do was stare wordlessly at her. “What are you talking about? Are you telling me that you want me to leave, too?”
“No! God, no. I love having you with me. But—”
“But?”
She reached out to pat my arm. “But I don’t want you to be stuck withme. I don’t want to be your prison. If you want to pursue music, then sing. Start by singing at the festival! If you want to travel the world on a cruise ship, then do it. Hell, if your dream is to become a dog walker, then I’ll support youin that, too. Just do whateveryouwant.” Her hand tightened. “Even if it means I’m not there. That’s what your parents would have wanted.”
I know her words were meant to encourage me, but they just weighed heavier on my heart. “But how could I do that when you’ve given up so much for us? I can’t just ditch you.”
“Well, I still expect you home for the holidays and dim sum Sundays once in a while,” she said with a mock frown. “But let’s face it. We can’t live like this forever. Someday, you’re going to get a job. Get married. Have kids. And our house isn’t big enough for that. Plus, I’ll be too old to take care of kids by then.”
A wry laugh escaped my lips. “I thought your dream was for Mia and me to get married as soon as possible so you’d have grandkids to take care of.”
With a smile, Mom played with her pasta noodles, pulling them from one edge of her plate to the next. “To be honest, it was hard after your uncle left. I know I wasn’t the greatest mom—”
“You were the best mom.”
She laughed. “You’re sweet, but I was horrible. I burned your milk all the time and when you cried, I cried. If it weren’t for Mrs. Le taking me under her wing and showing me how to be a mom, I don’t know what I would have done. Then Finn left… it felt like our family was shrinking by the second. I think that’s why I pushed you and Mia together all these years. I just wanted them to officially be our family. A complete family.”
This was the first time Mom ever talked about Uncle Bran to me. I didn’t know she felt this way, but I guess I should have realized it. To me, she was always there. Strong and unwavering.
“I’m so glad you two did get together, though. Although don’t give me grandkids anytime soon. I’d like a couple more diaperless years first.” She shoved her chair back and got up. “I need more sushi. Do you want anything?”
I glanced down at my still full plate. “No, I’m good.”
After she left, I moved my sautéed green beans and pizza around on my plate. Ten minutes ago, I was starving, but now my appetite suddenly vanished. Instead my stomach was filled with knots and guilt as Mom’s words filled my head.
Finally, Mom was giving me permission to do whatever I wanted. And how did I repay her? By lying to her face and taking away the only family she had left. This time next weekend, Mia and I would have our breakup and be out of each other’s lives forever. Which meant the Les would pretty much be out of Mom’s life, too.
I should be ecstatic, but I wasn’t.
To be honest, I was already regretting this whole thing. Especially at the thought of never seeing Mia again. Never having her call me a nerd or having her sit in my car while she chattered on and on about everything. At first it had sounded amazing, but now it just made me more depressed the more I thought about it. Having to go on the cruise and see Finnwasn’t nearly as important as keeping Mia in my life. I knew that now. I was pretty much ready to call the whole thing off the other day at lunch.
But then I realized that this wasn’t just about me. It was also about Mia and what she wanted in her life. And she wanted me out of it so she could do whatever she wanted. Date whoever she wanted. I couldn’t take that away from her.
I just didn’t realize until now how much it was going to hurt Mom in the end.
But what else could I do? Either way, no matter what I did, someone was bound to get hurt. Mom or Mia. Mia or Mom.
And all because of me.
MIA
IF THERE WAS ONEthing I didn’t mind about being stuck with the Adlers, it was that we always had company for dim sum. I mean, sure, Mom and I could always go by ourselves, but it’s always better to go with a group. You can order a ton more stuff and not worry about having a mountain of leftovers for the week. That way, you’ll be nice and refreshed for dim sum again when Sunday comes back around.
But as much as I wanted to focus on the soup dumplings and baked pork buns in front of us, Jake and I had work to do this Sunday. Because Mom had such a strong reaction to our PDA, we figured that would be a good way to make our moms realize that us being together might not be all cupcakes and rainbows.
I scooted so close to Jake that I was practically on his lap. But I had to be that close so he could wrap an arm around my shoulders. Mom and Mrs. Adler didn’t seem to mind thatmuch, but the little Chinese ladies pushing the carts kept giving us disapproving looks, so at least we were on the right track.
“Do you want another shu mai?” Jake asked, waving the little dumpling in front of my face.
My stomach churned in protest, but I forced a beaming smile on my face. “Of course, pumpkin. Although seven might be my limit. I don’t want to have to roll out of here later.”
He poked at my left cheek with a smirk. “I’ll roll you around for the rest of my life if I have to because you’re my boo boo.”
Urgh. Now my stomach was really rolling. Maybe we were overdoing it with the pet names. Or maybe my stomach hurt because of the mountain of dumplings that Jake kept feeding me. Apparently, he thought the best way to show affection was to feed each other.
