Page 54 of Drop Shot
I press my tongue to the inside of my cheek, popping it out. “It’s just … we’re playing this whole thing off like it’s real and when this inevitably ends, Ebba is going to feel forced to choose a side, and you’re her brother … so…”
“Hey.” His warm finger urges my chin up. There’s not an ounce of judgment in his eyes at my worry. “I’ll never let that happen, okay?” He waits for me to nod before letting his finger drift away. “We’ll say we realized we just don’t work as a couple like we originally thought and there are no hard feelings. If you want your old job back, you can have it, too.”
“Won’t they think that’s weird?”
Elias takes a bite of his chicken and chews. Once he’s swallowed, he says, “Who cares what people think? And if you don’t want your old job back that’s cool too. I’ll give you the best fucking recommendation letter you could ask for.”
“You’d do that?” I ask. I’m not sure why I’m so surprised. Elias can be a bit of a hot head on the court, and a braggart to the media, but in his day-to-day life he’s kind and caring.
“You know I would.”
I dip my head in a nod and startle when his finger brushes my cheek, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’m not trying to be nosy, but how are you feeling? Is your flare?—”
“It’s all better now.” I force a smile. It’s weird having him know about the lupus, but also nice in a way to have another person who is aware of it.
“But it’ll come back?” he asks, piercing a piece of broccoli with his fork.
“Unfortunately,” I sigh.
“I’m really sorry”—he says, holding my gaze— “that you have to deal with that.”
There’s something sincere in the way he says it, not like he’s apologizing just because he thinks it’s the right thing to say, but because he genuinely means it. It hits me in a place in my heart I didn’t know existed.
“Thanks.” I hope my voice doesn’t betray the emotion clogging my throat.
“If you ever need someone to talk to about it, to complain, cry—whatever it might be—I’m your guy.”
I swallow down my emotions. Even though it’s been several years since my diagnosis sometimes it hits me like a truck all over again. That I’msickdespite always doing the “right things” like eating healthy and exercising. When it comes to chronic illness, it doesn’t discriminate, it just fucking happens.
“I do get angry sometimes,” I confess, something I haven’t voiced to anyone.
I know my parents would never judge me for being angry over my diagnosis, but I’ve always gone out of my way to not be a burden on them. The last thing I’d want to do is confess how hard it is on me sometimes.
The worst part is, a lot of the time I’m not even angry about how things are now, I’m angry about the uncertainty of my future. The fear that lupus could permanently injure my kidneys and I’d need a transplant, the fear that I might never be able to get pregnant, the fear of heart disease. It’s consuming at times, being terrified of all thewhat ifs.
“I’d get angry too,” Elias says softly. “I think that’s probably pretty normal.”
“You think so?” I ask, letting a little of my insecurity to slip through. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong for my feelings, that I should be grateful to have a diagnosis and medication that makes things easier.
“Definitely, Whim.” He reaches over and squeezes my shoulder in reassurance. “You’re strong. Having moments of anger doesn’t make you weak. It only makes you human.”
I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that.
CHAPTER 17
WHIMSY
I’mtired from a day spent playing the part of dutiful girlfriend. Jackson forced me to start an Instagram so I can post photos of Elias and me being “a real couple.” I’m not a social media kind of girl, but at least there’s Ebba to help me out, though I hope she doesn’t think I’m using her brother for some sort of clout when that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
Before I start up the steps, I slip my heels off and hook the backs around my finger.
We were at the courts early—which meant I had to get up even earlier to do my hair, makeup, and pick out a dress. I might be a fashion girly, but I also like my sleep.
It’ll be a bit before Elias is home since he has a few interviews so I plan on taking full advantage of his massive bathtub.
Reaching the top of the stairs, I head down the hall to my room.
