Page 34 of The Bodyguard and the Alpha
No matter that I’d worked for Bastien for five years. That I’d kept his secrets as well as the rest of his security team. I wasn’t a Shifter and the Shifters had closed ranks against me.
Carefully, slowly, I put the tray on the side table next to the bed. I felt hollow. Nausea churned in my stomach. Five years of loyalty. Five years of my life.
Magic surged under my skin, responding to my increased heart rate. My body knew something was wrong. My fingertips tingled and I shoved my trembling hands between my thighs. No. I wouldn’t allow it to happen.
I hadn’t been this close to losing control since I’d first come into my magic.
My skin began to glow gold, lighting up the room. The trembling spread to the rest of my body, as I fought to retain control. Slow breaths. Focus on something small. The pain of my fingernails digging into my hands. The cold chill of the air conditioning. The beads of sweat trickling down my spine.
One breath. Two breaths. I pictured my magic, settling back under my skin, returning to my well of power. More breaths. Slow counting to ten.
The glow seeped from my skin and the room returned to its normal colour. I counted from ten back to one. The pop of sherbet dissipated on my tongue.
I slumped back on the bed, exhausted from the battle, my heart hurting. With tears on my cheeks, I eventually slipped into an uneasy doze.
***
Bastien’s mental shout woke me. My heart leaped with joy.
He was okay.
He asked me how I was and he sent a wave of emotion down the bond. Emotion that felt a lot like… love.
I didn’t deserve his love. I wasn’t a Shifter. His people didn’t trust me and I’d tricked him. I had done it with the best intentions, but guilt was heavy on my chest and I couldn’t stop the feeling bleeding through. I had planned to reinforce myshields as soon as my powers came back and I had forgotten. Fuck.
Through the bond I felt the moment Bastien remembered what I’d done. I flinched at his pain at my betrayal. His shock, when he remembered how I’d disobeyed his command to hide. How I’d distracted him from the Palace guards who surrounded us. His pain was like a knife in my ribs. I gasped, curling in on myself, glad that no-one could see the tears that sprang to my eyes. It hurt so fucking much.
I wanted to explain, to tell him that I’d done it to protect him. I knew how much it would hurt him if he killed any of the men who worked for him. But before I had the chance, I felt him push me away. Hepushedme away. And then it was like he’d put down a shield between us. I couldn’t feel any emotions from him. None at all.
What had I done?
With my hand over my mouth to stifle my sobs, I curled into myself, whole body shaking. Had I thought I was alone before this? When I’d worked in the Palace, with colleagues in my team. I didn’t have friends, but I had their respect.
I’d understood nothing. How I’d felt before was nothing compared to how I felt now. Isolated from the other staff. Distrusted by my team. And rejected by my mate.
I was truly alone.
Anguish pierced my chest, sharp as a knife blade. I couldn’t breathe. Tears and snot ran down my face, but I made no move to wipe them away. My muscles felt too weak, my body heavy.
Letting Bastien bite me had been a mistake. Letting him past my shields had been an even bigger mistake. It was time tobe the Ice Queen. It was the only way I could survive this. I’d bury my emotions so deeply under the ice that I would never feel this sort of pain again.
Chapter 40
Bastien
My mate had betrayed me. The pain in my chest was like nothing I’d ever experienced. It was too much. I had to let it out somehow.
Back arching, I concentrated all my anger, my grief into my muscles. The restraints on my wrists began to flex. Just a little more.
Then I felt it. Like a spear to my chest. Electra’s pain. I’d tried to block her out, but she was my mate. She would always be my love. No matter what happened, she was mine.
And she was hurting, even more than I was.
You fucked up dude.
I didn’t need the prick in my head to tell me that. I’dfelther guilt. And what had I done? I’d pushed her away. I’d closed her out of my mind. She’d asked for a chance to explain. And I hadn’t let her.
I was sure she didn’t even realise she was broadcasting everything to me. All her emotions. Her guilt. Her sorrow and despair. She was my mate and I had failed her.
