Page 34 of The Moments You Were Mine
Every night, Theo had cried himself to sleep, asking for his parents and breaking my heart just a bit more each time I couldn’t give him what he needed. He’d fallen asleep in the bed in my guest room each night, but at some point, he always joined me in mine. I’d woken to tiny elbows and bony heels shoved into my legs and side.
I wasn’t used to sharing a bed with anyone. The women I slept with either took me to their place, or I booked a hotel. Either way, I left long before morning. I never woke with them beside me.
Except for one night when I’d had a blonde inmybed and woke to find her gone.
A singular evening that had nearly ruined a lifetime offriendship.
I shook my head, but the truth was, I hadn’t been able to get Fallon out of my mind all week. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hear the positive spin she’d put on my situation. The way she’d punch through the bullshit and lay it on the line in much the way my dad had. But I couldn’t. Not now, when she had crap piled up at her door too.
When Dad had told me about the drug arrest and what had happened with JJ, I’d nearly lost the last thread of my sanity. I’d wanted to pull my team together, blow up the jail cell the loser was sitting in, and make him suffer before I ended his life for trying to destroy hers.
The simple fact I’d had a little boy sitting across the table from me had stopped me from doing something stupid. Instead, I’d sent a half-assed apology for what she was going through, and she’d replied with her own.
HER: We both know how lame the words are, but I’m so sorry about Will. So damn sorry for you and for Theo. Don’t worry about me, Parker. I’ll be fine. Just take care of you and that little boy.
Even as I’d read the words, I’d known she was lying. She wasn’t anywhere close to fine. She was just doing what Fallon always did—she was retreating into herself to lick her wounds, pretending she didn’t need anyone or anything. Pretending she could carry the weight of the world on her own.
She’d gone home, Dad had said. And that was the best place for her. Back in Rivers, on the Harrington ranch, Fallon had always blossomed. The fields and mountains would root her in the things that mattered most.
I wasn’t sure who or what would ground me. Before, being a part of the SEAL teams had done just that, but at the moment, it felt like I’d never find myself again. And that simple thought was what kept me from texting her like I would have otherwise. Stopped me from losing myself in a brief moment of light she’d bravely offer, even while she attempted to pull herself out of the dark.
The little hand in mine nearly slipped out, and I caught it, holding it tighter.
“You ready, bud?” I asked.
He looked up at me with dazed eyes.
I still had moments of pure panic at the thought of being responsible for this little life. Moments when I felt like I was being held underwater, just like at BUD/S. Except, this time, I had no chance of escape, no chance of emerging and inhaling a fresh gasp of air.
Theo shrugged, pulling his hand away to take the tawny stuffed dog he’d had for as long as I’d known him and nuzzle it with his face. I squatted down and ruffled his hair.
“We’re almost done with our assignment for the day. One more task. It means facing some more people, but after, we’ll go home and watch more of those dog shows you like.”
It had been pure chance that I’d landed on an American Kennel dog show yesterday. He’d stopped me from turning the channel with a pat on my arm, watching the screen with the same fascination other kids might give a cartoon. After that, I’d found a bunch of replays on the internet, and he’d watched every single one.
“Okay, Park,” he said. He sounded so much like Will as he said it that it tore at me.
I picked him up, and he rested his head on my shoulder, snagging my heart and twisting it into a thousand knots. I crossed the grass, my dress shoes sliding on the dew as I strode toward the limousine my dad had hired.
My parents were waiting for us. Dad had his arm around Mom’s shoulders. She was tall, almost six foot, slim and elegant with dark hair and pale-blue eyes. She wore a navy-colored suit today, and her shoulder-length hair was pulled back in a tight twist. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her cheeks pale. She was grieving as much as I was.
Silence reigned on our drive from the cemetery to my commander’s house, where our team had gathered to celebrate Will. Once we were there, the stories flew. Everyone had something to share about him. Wild adventures. Hilarious moments. Laughter rang out, and we all held back tears behind gritted teeth and locked jaws. And then we patted each other on the back and went our separate ways.
We had four months before they recalled us. Then, we’dspend six to eight months re-proving ourselves, traveling around the country for various pre-deployment trainings. We’d spend months away from base, which meant I had four months to figure out my shit and what all of this meant for Theo.
As much as I loved the kid, as much as I wouldn’t even consider handing him off to someone else to raise, I still got angry thinking about how my life had been twisted into some unknown version of itself. But every time I got angry; guilt followed on its heels. Wishing Will had lived simply so I didn’t have to take on the mantle of his responsibilities felt all kinds of wrong.
After leaving my commander’s house, Theo and I returned to my cottage with my parents in tow. Mom offered to help Theo change out of the tiny suit she’d bought him. I hadn’t even considered what Theo would wear to the funeral, just as I hadn’t thought of a million other things he’d needed in the last two days that Mom had handled for me. What was I going to do when my parents went back to Las Vegas?
What would Theo do when he was stuck with a selfish bastard watching over him?
I strode into my room, hung up my uniform, and searched for clean civilian clothes.
I was down to the bare minimum because I needed to do laundry. The pile of tiny clothes mixed with mine had grown out of control in just three days. I dragged on a pair of black cargo pants and a T-shirt with the Marquess Enterprises logo from my dresser. I usually only wore the shirt when I was off-duty and helping Dad with security at Rafe’s casino in Las Vegas.
It was a uniform different from my military one, but one that still meant serving and protecting. Except, I had failed in this uniform too.
My chest twisted as guilt drove into me once again. Ten years ago, I’d left Fallon on the day she’d needed me most, leaving her open to an attack from Theresa Puzo and Adam Hurly, and she’d almost died because of it. Since she’d moved to San Diego for college, I’d done everything I could to ensure she was safe and unharmed. But it hadn’t been enough. First, there’d been the entire incident with Ace and his wife, and now this with JJ. Could I have kept her safe if I hadn’t been so focused on my career? IfI hadn’t been more focused on the promise I’d made to my grandfather than the one I’d made to her? Was a promise to a dying man worth Fallon’s life? Not even close. But what the fuck did that mean?
