Page 99 of The Last Dance You Saved
She’d called and texted several times today, asking for status updates, and asking how I was doing, but I’d ignored them. I’d responded via my daughter instead. Fallon had told me they’d arrived in Willow Creek and that she and Parker had been welcomed with open arms by the Hatleys. It had caused something close to envy to erupt inside me, shaking me to the core how much I wanted to be as accepted into Sadie’s family as my daughter had been. A family who certainly wouldn’t thank me for taking Sadie and moving her across the country, just so she could be next to me at all times.
Tormented by my own back-and-forth throughout the day, I’d done my best to push it aside and spent the afternoon with Steele, sifting through any and all connections and leads we could find on Adam and Theresa before I’d dug into the Marquess Enterprises business I’d been putting off for nearly a week. My company was running like the well-oiled machine I’d built it into, but I knew how quickly things could go off the rails if you didn’t keep a thumb on the pulse.
Look at what had happened to the ranch. It had slowly disintegrated without my tough-as-nails father running it. I couldn’t blame Spence completely. He’d trusted Adam, and he’d added fuel to the fire, but the ranch had already been burning by that time.
From the time I’d left, I’d wanted it to burn.
I had to live with the guilt of knowing I had let it for the rest of my life.
Lauren found me with my forearms draped over the fence rail, watching not only the horses but the sky as it slowly turned various shades of rainbow sherbet. We didn’t say anything at first. We just watched the shifting kaleidoscope that reminded me of Sadie and the strength of color burning through her cheeks as I brushed my fingers along her skin. She was sunsets and streaks of dawn and the bright light of midday all rolled together. There’d even been a hint of night in those blue eyes when I’d been deep inside her. She was everything I wanted. All my days and all my nights. My hope for a future.
“Do you remember the time the four of us hiked up to the top of the mountain and got caught between a mountain lion and her babies?” Lauren asked, breaking the silence.
I nodded, the long-buried memory coming back as if it was yesterday.
“Adam tried to run, and Spence threw him down on the ground and sat on him. I had to put my hand over his mouth to stop him from screaming,” she continued, and I was right back in that moment, heart racing as I tried to figure out how to get us out of there without the cougar tearing us to pieces. “The three of us knew we couldn’t make any sudden movements even though Adam’s instinct to run was humming through all of us. Do you remember what you did?”
“What’s your point?” I asked, not wanting to relive any of my childhood memories, good or bad. They were too damn painful because they’d always ended with me on the outside looking in.
I could feel her gaze locked on me, but I didn’t turn to look at her. I just stared at the horses, galloping across the flower-strewn fields and realizing how damn much I’d missed it. How big of a hole leaving here had left in me. I’d tried to stuff it full by keeping myself busy and building a kingdom braced over an empty cavern. I should have known it would someday tumble into the void. But I wouldn’t let any of it slide completely away this time, wouldn’t let any of it disappear. I’d hold on to as many pieces of both worlds as I could.
“You put yourself between the cat and us, Rafe. You told us to pick up Adam and move slowly away. And we did. We let you stand guard, knowing if the mountain lion chose to attack, she’d strike you first. Knowing we’d likely be able to get away and get help, but you might not have survived.”
“She just wanted her cubs,” I said.
“You protected us, facing the danger alone. We did the same thing when you left the ranch behind. We let you go, knowing you thought you were doing the right thing for us and letting ourselves believe it. And here you are again, doing the same thing. Only, this time, I refuse to let you face it alone.”
That jerked my gaze from the idyllic scene in front of me to her. Her face was set and stubborn. It reminded me of Sadie, a woman I thought fit into all the caverns and grooves of my soul in a way no one ever had, certainly not the woman standing before me now.
But I didn’t deserve for Lauren to think the best of me, so I told her the worst truth I knew.
“He called me, Lauren. Spence called me the night he died, and I let it go to voicemail. And when I listened to it, I felt…glad he was struggling. Now, I keep thinking…if I’d called him back, if I’d shown up, maybe he wouldn’t be dead,” my voice cracked.
Her eyelids closed, pain raw and ragged crossing her face. “And if I hadn’t been passed out on tranquilizers, maybe I could have saved him.”
“How bad were you hurt?” I asked, trying to remember what Fallon had told me.
“Broke three ribs and pulled a few back muscles when a cow shoved me into a fence. I used the drugs to help me sleep, and then, when things started to go south, when Spence and I started fighting about whether we’d have to sell or not and what exactly we were going to do, I used them to escape.” She sounded so sad, so lost, that it tore at me even when I didn’t want it to. “When we got the knock on the door about Spence, it was Fallon who answered it. She couldn’t wake me, Rafe. She had to get Adam…”
Tears poured down her face.
Chills went up my spine. Fury with her. Frustration for my daughter. Why hadn’t Fallon told me she’d had to face finding out about Spence alone? But I knew. She’d told me. She’d been afraid I’d yank her from the ranch, and I would have. But I silently renewed the vow I’d made to Fallon the other night that she would never have to face these adult responsibilities alone again. I’d made mistake after mistake with those I loved most. But it stopped now. I’d fix it. There’d be no more errors.
You sent Sadie away. That was a huge mistake, my devil prompted.
I shook my head. No. It had been the right thing to do, hadn’t it?
“Anyway,” Lauren said, brushing at the tears, “if anyone failed them, it was me, not you. I was here, living it every day. I should have seen what Adam was doing. I should have known the toxic crap Grandpa had filled his ears with would come out eventually. But instead of stepping between the people I loved and the mountain lion, I let her take them while I ran.”
“Lauren—”
“No. Don’t try to smooth it over, Rafe. It’s the truth. I have to live with it, and I promise I’m going to try to make it up to you and Fallon. You paid the price for both our sins for too long. It’s time I carried the weight.”
“I pursued you,” I told her.
“Takes two to tango. And as I remember it, I was the one who dared you to kiss me.”
Our first date. I’d gone in for her lips and stalled at the last minute, my conscience screaming halt. Then she’d dared me, knowing I’d never say no to a dare.
