Page 40 of The Last One You Loved
“I’m so sorry, Sal. About it all. The hospital. Your dad. Everything.”
“I’ve already got an application in at a hospital nearby. Nurses are still in high demand, so I think I have a good shot. It’ll suck to be at the bottom of the seniority list again, but it’ll be worth it to be with Dad when he needs me. I only have one regret.”
“What’s that?”
“You. I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning you.”
My throat bobbed, stomach clenching.
“I’d never think that,” I said, even though I had.
“We’re friends for life, McK. A change in job, cities, states…none of it can stop me from being there for you whenever you need me.”
My eyes filled for what felt like the thousandth time in the last two days.
We hung up, and I clutched the throw pillow to my chest, wondering why life had to hurt so damn much.
? ? ?
My growling stomach forced me out of bed and into the shower the next morning. If I’d stopped and gone grocery shopping, or if there’d been even a scrap of bread in the refrigerator or cabinets, I would have stayed hidden here for the rest of the day. But I also knew if I was still here at nine, Eva was going to insist I eat with them, and I wasn’t sure I could handle more of the Hatleys and things I couldn’t change. Instead, I decided to splurge by spending some of my tiny cash reserves on breakfast at Tillie’s café.
The storm from the night before had left a very light dusting of snow on the ground that was already melting as I stepped out of the apartment. The skies were clear, and the air smelled like hay and rain and teenage memories as I picked my way around the puddles to my rental. It made me want to open the barn doors and see if the dappled gray I used to ride was still in a stall. It made me want to ride out to the hollow that Maddox and I had made our own years ago.
Instead, I drove out the gate, the card Eva had given me to get back in tucked into my wallet. The roads were dripping as the light snow melted, but in the light of day, they didn’t seem nearly as terrifying as they had the night before.
The street outside Tillie’s was packed with cars, and I belatedly remembered it was Sunday which was why the café was hopping. The brick building the restaurant was in was long and narrow, with ancient lead-paned windows from over a century ago and a sign painted in bright-gold letters. The words below the café’s name readBoots, Hats, and Dogs Welcome.
The place had been in Tillie’s family for generations, like many of the businesses in town. Growing up, Mama had worked at the restaurant off and on. Every time she was sober, Tillie had given her another chance. More than three. More than anybody should rightly be given. Whenever Mama had a job there, I’d actually had a full belly because Tillie fed me while I waited for Mama in a booth at the back.
The bell jingled as I opened the door, and a few heads turned, but most people were too focused on their conversations to pay much attention to a random tourist. The narrowness of the building meant there was only room for one long row of tucked-leather booths on the one side of the restaurant while a black-lacquered counter lined with cowhide barstools took up the other. An antique mirror with gold leaf designs curled around its edges filled one entire wall, reflecting its beginnings as an old saloon that had once competed with McFlannigan’s.
A faded sign by the door still readIf there’s a seat available, take it, just like it had a decade ago. My eyes searched the room for a vacant spot that didn’t seem to exist, and the longer I stood there, the quieter the restaurant got. I swallowed hard as more and more eyes settled on me. But it was only one pair that shook me to my core, sending curls of awareness across an entire room and dozens of bodies.
Maddox frowned from a stool near the back.
His eyes had shadows under them like mine, and he seemed paler than the day before. He was dressed in his sheriff’s uniform, and it accentuated his broad shoulders, muscled chest, and narrow hips. His dark-caramel hair was damp with the ends curling toward his ears, and it made me think indecent thoughts of him in a shower. He was so beautiful it caught my breath and made me ache in places I’d almost thought were dead. Made me remember just how perfect it had felt to be coming apart with him embedded inside me.
We hadn’t known what we were doing when we’d made love the first time, notches and grooves barely fitting. But we’d learned each other’s bodies slowly and sweetly. He’d made it easy to not be embarrassed as we’d explored with tongues and fingers, finding out what felt good, what made the other gasp and moan.
Kerry had never taken the time to get to know my body in the same way. He’d been skilled but not overly affectionate. We’d found release and then returned to our separate corners of the bed to fall asleep alone. When I’d been with Maddox, we’d always fallen asleep tangled, until we woke with a start, knowing we had to go home to our separate rooms. Untangling ourselves had been painful. I’d never felt that way with Kerry, but I’d just assumed what we’d had was a grown-up kind of love versus teenage infatuation.
“McKenna Lloyd, you get your skinny butt over here and give me a hug,” Tillie’s voice rang through the diner as she emerged out of the swinging doors at the back.
She was dressed in a long tunic dress with a round collar embroidered with flowers. Her long, gray hair was tied in two low ponytails, and she had a wreath of flowers on her head. She looked like she’d stepped from the pages of a seventies fashion magazine and then aged forty years, even though she hardly looked a day older than the last time I’d seen her.
I took a couple of steps, and she almost floated across the terra-cotta-colored tile floor to meet me halfway. She wrapped me in a tight hug while I stiffened and awkwardly patted her back.
My eyes darted to Maddox again to see his face had turned into a dark scowl.
“How the hell you been, honey?” Tillie asked.
“Good,” I said automatically, and she laughed.
“Really? Because you look like shit.”
My lips twitched at the honesty she and Eva had in common. No one I knew in California would have dared to be so truthful.
Tillie looked around the restaurant, eyes settling on the only empty stool that was right next to Maddox where his cowboy hat was resting. It was clear from the tightness in his jaw he would not welcome me sitting there, but Tillie didn’t seem to notice or care as she dragged me by the elbow to it.
