Page 32 of The Last One You Loved
“What nonsense is this? Have you ever known me to have a guest and push them out the door without a meal?” Eva asked. She filled a mug that readCows Do Cud Best,and my mind flashed back to all the times I’d used the same damn mug a decade ago. I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat as I took it from her.
“Thank you.”
“Cream? Sugar?”
“No, thanks. Between med school and my residency, I basically IV’d the stuff, and there was never time to add anything to it.” The thought of my career and the shambles that remained of it brought another round of unexpected tears to my eyes. I closed them, trying to hold them in. When I opened them back up, three sets of eyes were staring at me.
“How long are you in town for?” Gemma asked.
“I’d hoped to be here for a few weeks, but I think I’ll be heading out today or tomorrow. I just have to figure a few things out.” Like how to pay for the changed flight on my nearly maxed-out credit card.
“You can’t go yet. You’ll miss Thanksgiving!” Mila cried. “It’s pie-making week, and Nana makes the best pies in three counties—at least that’s what Papa says. And Auntie Sadie is bringing her friends from college, and there will be a big trivia challenge that Daddy says he’ll be damned if he lets the girls win again.”
“Don’t cuss, Bug-a-Boo,” Eva said with a slight laugh.
“I made Daddy add two dollars to the cuss jar just yesterday. I think there are, like, a million dollars in there now. What do you think we could buy with a million dollars? Could we buy Disneyland? I want to go to Disneyland, but Daddy says I’m still too little to go on some of the rides, and that I’ll appressiate it more when I’m taller.”
“Appreciate. And breathe, Mila,” Eva said with a laugh.
“That’s what I said, appressiate.”
The little girl dug into the crepes with a grin. Gemma and Eva did as well, and I just sat there, staring, for a moment. It felt right to be there…and wrong. Like I’d come home when I’d never allowed myself to make the ranch one.
Every time I’d visited as a child, I’d known I’d have to leave again, and it killed me a little more each time. Being here and then having to return to Mama had been like slicing off layers of skin. And then, when I’d moved in my senior year, I’d protected myself from the heartache of loving and losing them to chase my dreams. Only Maddox had broken through my shield, forcing his way in with his smile, his charm, and hands that made me feel stronger and braver and more loved than I’d ever known. And then, when I’d left, I’d taken the tiny piece of my heart I’d kept alive only for him and shut it down, too. Kerry certainly hadn’t brought it back to life. I’d thought it was dead.
But sitting there in the Hatleys’ kitchen, I could feel it spasming, trying to beat again.
And it scared the shit out of me.
I finally picked up my fork, savoring the burst of flavors that slid along my tongue. I never had time to cook, which meant I slammed together a lot of half-assed sandwiches after my long shifts or ordered out with Sally when we weren’t near the end of the month. This breakfast…it was some of the best food I’d had in…I wasn’t sure how long.
The adults were fairly quiet as we ate, but the room was never silent because Mila chattered nonstop. Once she found out I was a doctor, she peppered me with questions and showed me the scar she had above her eyebrow that had been the result of one of her attempts to jump from the tire swing to the porch.
“Daddy almost took the tire swing down.” She frowned slightly. “But Uncle Ryder told him he couldn’t put me in a bubble and to remember all the times Daddy had fallen while climbing trees. Did you climb trees with Daddy?”
She had whipped cream and strawberries all over her lips and cheeks. It was utterly adorable, and my ovaries clenched again. Having children had always been a hard no for me, so why was this little girl tugging at pieces of me I never thought I’d wanted?
“Why don’t you go wash up, and then we’ll get started on the pies,” Eva said with a smile, taking in her granddaughter with a warmth that shone like a light.
“Are you going to stay and make pies with us?” Mila asked as she got up.
I felt my face heat and looked at Eva, who only smiled and said, “We can always use an extra set of hands on pie-making weekend.”
Another memory hit me. This one of all the siblings and me lined up in the kitchen, all working on different parts of the pie-making endeavor. Like Mila had said, Eva was known for her amazing pies and had sold them during the holidays and again in late summer when the wild berries were in season. I remembered hot summer days by the creek, picking the berries with Maddox just so his mom could make them.
I’d blocked so many of these moments out, all because I hadn’t wanted to miss them. Any of them.
My phone buzzed, and when I looked down at it, a wave of panic hit. It was from a different number than the last time because I’d blocked that one.
1-530-555-8210: This is day three without my family. Do you know what this means for you? Fix it. Before it’s too late.
The crepes turned uncomfortably in my stomach. What I really needed to do today was figure out where I was going and how I was going to pay for it while staying out of Dr. Gregory’s sight. When I looked up from my phone, with my heart pounding, it was Eva’s concerned expression I saw. I tried to hide the fear, pasting on a watery smile I was sure she could see through.
“You’re always welcome in our home, McKenna. Always. You’re family,” Eva said, even though I hadn’t asked a question.
I suddenly wanted to spend the day in her kitchen where the warmth wasn’t just from the oven, where it filled the air, and where you were accepted even though your own mother didn’t want you. I not only wanted to stay, it was as if my body physically needed it, as if being here could help stabilize my world that was spiraling out of control.
“I’d like that…very much,” I found myself saying quietly, and Eva smiled. But I also saw the worried look Gemma sent her mother, and I added on, “If you’re sure it won’t be a problem.”
