Page 96 of Tripped By Love
Cassidy
NOT LOSING YOU
“You got scars, they make you doubt
But you should know I won’t leave more.”
Performed by Maddie Poppe
Written by Carlsson / Roman / Poppe
Marco and I had been apartfor three weeks, but it felt like it had been a lifetime. He’d been busy caring for a family he finally realized he had, and I’d been busy handing things off to Willow and Cliff, hiring more staff, and finalizing the deal with Ralley. I’d also been busy avoiding Clayton every time I got a glimpse of him in town. Thankfully, he seemed content to ignore me as we waited for the DNA results.
The Painted Daisies finished their album and invited a kaleidoscope of business owners, locals, and the college staff to a closed reception at the Wilson-Jacobs theater to hear their new songs for the first time. They hired the café to cater some simple cocktail fare for the event, and while I’d designed the menu and sourced the ingredients, I’d let Willow and Cliff run with it. It was weird to not dig my hands into the actual production, but they were doing great. It was almost painful how easily everything I’d worked so hard at for two years could be done by others.
“You need a dress for the event,” Tristan said as she and I sat in her living room, watching Hannah try to teach Chevelle to play the piano.
I shrugged, thinking about my stack of long skirts and the pink dress I’d worn to Earth Paradise. None of them were semi-formal wear that the party called for, but something would do.
“You know, you could spend some of those thousands of dollars now tucked away in your bank account to buy yourself something nice,” Tristan insisted.
Sometimes, it was hard to believe the zeroes that existed there now. The money had come with a whole host of new problems. How to invest it, how to keep it safe for Chevelle, and how to help my community. But it still didn’t feel like it was mine to spend yet.
Tristan sighed, dragging herself up from the couch and waddling toward the stairs. “Come on. You can find something in my closet, I’m sure.”
I followed her up the stairs. She had a whole section of her closet for items she wore to Brady’s award ceremonies. She waved a hand at them and retreated to the bed while I flipped through them. They all felt too formal. Too not me.
“You’re different since you got back from Austin,” she said, and I almost laughed. Not one person in my family had asked me about Marco and me since I’d returned. Maybe because I hadn’t appeared sad or upset that he was still in Austin. Maybe because they sometimes caught the tail end of our flood of phone conversations. Or maybe simply because I’d smiled more even without him here than I had in a really long time.
“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing exactly what she meant but pretending I didn’t.
“There’s a glow to you. A feeling of peace,” she said. “So, Marco and you… Youfinallydid the deed?”
I flipped around, mouth dropping a little. “Finally? What do you mean finally?”
Tristan laughed and came back into the closet, pulling out a lilac dress and holding it up to me.
“The entire town has watched you two make googly eyes at each other for years. There’s probably even a few wagers about it,” she teased then shoved the dress into my hands. “This one. I’m not sure I’ll ever fit into it again.”
She didn’t say it with even a hint of regret, just the simple facts as she put a hand on her belly with a tender pat. I was taller than Tristan, but other than that, we had a similar shape and build. We’d both had children?and had the curves and marks to show for it?but neither of us were the type to hate our bodies because of it. In fact, after taking so long to get pregnant, the changes to Tristan’s body were like a badge of honor to her. But this dress… It was small and fitted and would display my curves in ways I was unaccustomed to.
I pulled my T-shirt off?Marco’s T-shirt that I’d found myself wearing more than I wore any other belonging of mine?and slid the dress over my shoulders before taking off my skirt as well.
“So, Brady thinks we…did the deed, too? What did he say?” I asked. I shot her a look when she didn’t say anything, ready to defend the man I loved. God, my heart clenched at that thought?I loved him. So much that it hurt. More than I loved anything except Chevelle. Those two males owned every inch of me.
Tristan returned to the bed. “You know Brady. He wants everyone around him to be happy. He’d give his right arm and learn to play guitar one-handed if it meant both of you could have the love you deserve.”
The tightness in my chest eased. Of course he did. My brother had always been the kind of person to wish only good things for everyone and gave freely of himself in order to make it happen. Whether that was a moment of happiness as he signed a fan’s shirt, a unique present he found for his manager, or a gazillion dollars he gave to help his sister start a restaurant.
I looked in the mirror, feeling just a hair awkward about the amount of body I was showing. The tiny straps barely held up the scooped bodice, and it curved to my hips and slid down my thighs instead of flaring out like I was used to. The hem fell well above my knee, showing my white legs to the world. Pale like milk or snow. I wondered what Marco would think of it. I wondered how his hands and lips would slide over the exposed skin. Those thoughts made my cheeks flush and my legs quiver.
I sat down on the bed with her. “Truth is…Marco is… There’s just a lot more to his life than he shares with anyone.”
“Anyone but you,” Tristan said sagely.
I nodded, bit my lip, and held back the secrets that weren’t mine to tell. “So much has happened to him. I’m not sure he’ll ever let himself be truly happy.”
Tristan stared for a moment and then looked down at the wedding ring from her first marriage that she wore on her right hand instead of her left. She’d lost her Navy SEAL husband when Hannah wasn’t even a year old, and it wasn’t until Brady had stormed into her life, years later, that she’d allowed herself to believe she could love again.
