Page 29 of Tripped By Love
“Oh no. I’m sure that’s hard for you. Especially when everything you do is so…honorable.”
I closed my eyes against her words. “I would never use that word to describe myself.”
“What? Marco, you have to be the most upstanding human being I know. Look what you do for all of us every day? Shielding us. Protecting us. Look at how you took on working out with me just because you saw someone who needed the help.”
I wished my motives had been that innocent when it came to her. I’d wanted them to be that simple. Looking out for her. Helping her strengthen her muscles so Brady and her mom and everyone in her world would see her in the same shiny light that I did. But the truth was, I’d wanted to be near her almost as much as I’d wanted to help her.
“Marco? Talk to me,” she said softly.
I groaned. This was ridiculous. I was acting like that fifteen-year-old kid I’d been when I’d first realized I was alone, crying and bemoaning my fate, wallowing in self-pity. That wasn’t who I was.
“Being in Austin…just reminds me of things I don’t want to remember.”
It was her turn to be quiet for a moment, as if she was taking in each word carefully, considering them like she did her ingredients before mixing them into something new and healthy and delicious. I wanted to be mixed by her into something new that could sheer away the layers of my past and let me leave them behind.
“There’s one thing that I’ve learned over the years in dealing with my condition,” Cassidy said without an ounce of self-pity in her voice. “Pretending something isn’t real won’t ever help. It usually just ends up with a pile of broken skin and bones. Or… in your case, maybe hearts and souls?”
My chest felt heavy and twisted. I’d broken Maliyah’s heart, and Cassidy didn’t even know that, but she’d still used the words.
“Do you know what takotsubo cardiomyopathy is?” I asked.
“No.”
“It’s when stress puts so much pressure on the heart that it stuns part of it into not working. It’s literally a broken heart.”
She inhaled. “Is this what Maliyah has?”
“Yes. But it isn’t the first time she’s had it happen. The first time was when I was court-martialed,” I told her.
“I can’t…I can’t even imagine you doing anything to have been court-martialed,” she said, and my soul leaped at those words, wishing they were true. That I could be as bright and shiny as she imagined me. A knight in silver armor, carrying a sword to protect the kingdom.
“I deserved it, Cassidy. Don’t ever think otherwise,” I said, knowing I was being vague. Knowing that in not telling her the whole story, she’d be left to imagine the worst, but perhaps that was for the best. Maybe it would force her to push the barrier back up between us as I seemed unable to do.
“You’ll never convince me of that,” she said. “Even if you told me you killed someone, Marco, I’d know there was a good reason for it. That it was justified.”
I snorted. I hadn’t killed anyone. No one had died, even when Petty Officer Warren probably had moments when she wished she had. But after…I’d longed for the chance to mortally wound a few of them.
“I’m sorry I called. I shouldn’t have. I’m not good company tonight,” I told her.
“I, on the other hand, am really glad you called. I want to be here for you. Not only because you’ve done so much for me, but because…because that’s what friends do for each other. Hold each other up when the other is falling down.”
It caused tears to flood my eyes that I had no intention of letting out. I clenched my lids shut. Fighting all of it. The emotions. The past. The way Cassidy’s voice called to me and whispered things about a future I could dream about but never make happen.
