Page 47 of Crossed By the Stars
THIS ISN’T EVERYTHING YOU ARE
“Just take the hand that's offered.
And hold on tight,
This isn't everything you are.”
Performed by Snow Patrol
Written by Lightbody / Connolly / Lee / Quinn / Simpson / Wilson
Dax hadn’t let me help withpackingthe suitcases. He and Cara had basically reversed the process they’d done just hours before while forcing me to watch from the bed. The truth was, I was too tired to argue with them. I’d slept better in Dax’s bed than I had in days, but the pain had still woken me several times. As if tied to my sleep schedule, Dax had come awake the instant I reached for the ibuprofen and water. I’d refused the stronger pain pills because I knew myself too well. I knew how tempting it would be to use them to escape the world for hours and days at a time, and I needed my wits about me, not only because of the threats but because being with Dax required me to keep my shield up.
Yesterday had proven that. The tenderness he’d exhibited repeatedly…the gentle caresses in the shower…the sweet kisses to my palm. My heart couldn’t help but respond to them, and it wouldn’t end well. I needed to quickly rebuild the walls he was trying to tear down.
Cillian knocked and then entered the bedroom as Cara and Dax zipped the final suitcase shut. It looked like we were going to be gone a month. There was no way I could spend more than a few days in close contact with Dax and keep my resolve in place. Even that would be a struggle.
“These are ready,” Dax said, referring to the luggage.
Cillian nodded, but there was a grimness to his face that caused all of us to still.
“What happened?” Dax asked him.
Cillian handed him an envelope. It was thick and waxy, and I knew what it was before I even saw the writing. Dax opened it and frowned.
“Did you read it?” he asked, handing it back to his bodyguard.
“I put it through a translator,” Cillian said gruffly.
“Let me see it,” I demanded.
Cillian looked to Dax for permission.
“If it has my name on it, it’s against the law to withhold it from me. I’m not some porcelain teacup that’s going to break. Hand me the damn thing,” I said, gritting my teeth.
Dax nodded, and it tightened my chest. I wasn’t going to let a man tell me what I could and couldn’t do anymore. Never again. Not my father. Not Ken’Ichi. Not Dax.
Cillian handed me the note. I couldn’t keep the tremor from my hands, and I hated that the others saw it. The Japanese letters were embedded deeply into the parchment, just like with the first one, as if the lines themselves were angry.A man died for you, dishonorable one.Jigaiis how you must atone for his loss as well as the other deaths and disgraces you’re responsible for. If you do not take this action, we will make sure you and Dawson Langley die in the most shameful way possible. You have one week.
My brain flashed back to the original note with the female hand using thekaikento cut into the flesh.Jigaiwas the female version of the ritualized suicide of the ancient Samurais. Whoever this was wanted me to make amends by dying at my own hand.
My hand clenched the paper, wrinkling it. Dax was at my side in a heartbeat, pulling the paper from me and handing it back to Cillian.
“What does it say?” he asked, the demand I normally hated back in his voice. I knew it stemmed from concern, but it still caused me to balk, to not want to tell him.
Dax looked at Cillian who was watching me with narrowed eyes, as if I could pull a dagger from the ankle boots I wore in order to slash my wrists or throat right at that moment. When I didn’t speak, Cillian repeated the words. It wasn’t a perfect translation, but it got the point across.
“Putain,” Dax mumbled.
Cara’s eyes were huge, as if she hadn’t really understood the true danger until she’d heard the words.
“Where was the letter delivered?” I asked as my voice continued to reverberate through the buzzing in my head.
“Here. By messenger,” Cillian said.
Dax’s face grew dark. “They followed us?”
Cillian’s face was blank. “You were all over the news together. It wouldn’t take a genius to know where she was.”
