Page 74 of Crossed By the Stars
“Dedicated. Persistent,” I said.
“I want to see the other notes,” she said, and I nodded. She continued, “I need you to promise not to keep anything from me again.”
I held my breath, unsure of what her words meant. Was she saying we could try to build something beyond these walls and this temporary world we’d lost ourselves in?
“I agree,” I said, my voice deep with the commitment I felt in each syllable.
“Never,” she said again as if my quick retort hadn’t satisfied her, as if she needed to emphasize it.
“I understand,” I told her and then risked telling her the truth, because if we were going to do this, we had to both be open about what we needed. “But you also can’t shut down and push me away. Not because of my mistakes or your father or whatever the notes say. You don’t need to protect me. I’m not their target.”
She frowned. “Ever heard of collateral damage? Violet was almost collateral damage in New London, Dax. I can’t…” Her voice cracked, and she had to collect herself before finishing. “I won’t let that happen to her, or you, or any of the people I care about.”
Fierce Jada was back in full force. Taking control. Protecting everyone.
I nodded. “I can understand how you’d feel that way, and I love you for it. For your bravery and your desire to shield everyone in your world. But sometimes being brave means letting others fight at your side, letting them take the risk, because the thought of you going to battle on your own…” The emotions closed my throat, and her eyes shut, trying to keep her own feelings at bay. I leaned in, brushing my lips against her forehead, and then continued, “It would kill me anyway.”
Her hand went to my waist, fingers curling into my T-shirt, digging into my skin.
“I’ve lived too much of my life alone…” Her words faded away, and my chest tightened, heart bleeding in a way that I knew she hated because she didn’t want me to feel sorry for her.
“You’re not alone anymore,mon bijou. I’m here. I’ll be here for as long as you let me.” And I meant every word. They were the same ones I’d basically told my father. I wasn’t prepared to ever let her go again.
“I’ll need space sometimes,” she said quietly, and my heart continued to leap and pound at the thought of more time with her, of her finally accepting this. Us.
“You know what we need?” I asked, and when she shook her head, I continued with a suave smile. “A signal.”
“Like the ones you use with Cillian?” Her brow curved in confusion.
“Yes, but one that says, ‘Back off before I toss you through the window.’”
This made her laugh, as I’d intended. Then, she said, “Fuck youhas usually worked for me.”
I chuckled, twined her hand with mine, and tugged her toward the stairs.
“I’m sure we can come up with something more inventive than that,” I told her, eyebrow raising.
“We don’t need a sign for sex, Ar?Dax. I think you have that one down pat.”
I winked down at her. “Yeah?”
She pushed her shoulder into my arm. “You know you do. But maybe we can review the ones Rana gave me, and we’ll find something useful.”
I didn’t disagree. Going through the signals she’d worked out with her bodyguard was a good thing, no matter what. It would make me feel better, and maybe she knew that. Maybe she knew that I needed something to feel like I had some semblance of control over this out-of-control scenario. It was a gift, and I’d take it.
But more importantly, I would make sure she didn’t regret giving in to everything we could be. To a lifetime of possibilities that stood before us.
Jada
RUN
“To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry.”
Performed by Snow Patrol
Written by Lightbody / Connolly / Archer / Quinn / McClelland
