Page 26 of Ride 'Em Hard
“Okay.” She lets out a shaky sigh, and I wish I had time to make her feel better, but the clock’s ticking.
“I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. It’ll be over soon and I’ll find you. Hold on.”
I wait for her to brace her hand on the dashboard before I press the pedal to the metal and charge for the bend. I slow a little at the turn and lose the Fiesta in the rearview. After a few yards, I hit the brakes and cut the lights and engine of my Rover.
I turn to Lexi, wishing I had time to kiss her. “Go, baby, go. I’ll come get you soon.”
Lexi gets out of the car and shuts her door. I lean over the passenger side, open the glove box and grab my bad-ass Smith & Wesson 500, the most powerful revolver in production. I like to keep up on those types of things. I chuckle at my new best friend. With my mini-cannon in hand, and still no sign of the inbreds, I take one last look at Lexi hobbling off into the bushes. Red-hot rage shatters every thought in my head. I’m going to kill those fuckers for scaring her like this. I get out and bolt into the bushes on my side of the road.
Trudging through the thick brush a few yards from the road, I make my way back down the way we came, keeping my eyes peeled for the Fiesta. I wait behind dense shrubbery and watch the Fiesta take the bend and slow to a stop about twenty yards behind my Rover.
Keeping my gun in my hand, I stay low, maneuvering my way to the inbreds, trying not to snap any branches or make a sound. Slowly, I creep out of hiding, onto the road, and sneak up behind the car. They’ve got the windows open, and the smell of weed is overwhelming.
“What the fuck do you think they’re doing?” Cletus’s voice comes from behind the wheel. I stay in a crouch by the back tire on the driver’s side.
“Think they’re fucking in the back seat?” Dickhead Buck asks. And something about the fact that he’s eventalkingabout Lexi, never mind us fucking, sets me off.
I rush to the door, stand up, and point my revolver through the window at Cletus’s butt-ugly temple. “No Buck, we’re not fucking, you idiot, because I’m standing here with a gun to your brother’s head.”
“The fuck?” Cletus jumps, probably pissing himself. Buck’s as white as a ghost, staring at me like he’s going to pass out, and then goes for his pocket.
“Hands on the dash.” I shout, punctuating it with aclick, click, clickas I pull back on the trigger.
Buck stops what he’s doing and puts his hands up on the dashboard.
“Dude, it’s all good,” Cletus explains, mimicking his brother’s actions.
“Step out of the car,” I snap, opening the door. “Buck, you move one finger and I blow your brother’s head off.”
Cletus cautiously gets out of the car. I step back, pointing the gun at his head. “Hands up.” I keep an eye on Buck too. With one hand aiming the gun up, I pat Cletus down with the other.
“You,” I say, shifting my aim to Buck. I’m back far enough that I have a good shot at both of them. “Slowly get out, put your hands over your head and come to this side of the car.”
Buck rolls his eyes but does what I say and walks around to my side. “Jesus, Hollywood. You need to learn to chill. We’re neighbors, dude.”
“Did you just call me Hollywood,dude?” I point the gun at his head. “Because if you did, that’s fucking disrespectful and mighty un-neighborly, don’t ya think?”
Buck shoots his hands up higher. “I meant no disrespect.”
“Yeah, we’ve seen all your movies. They’re pretty awesome, man.”
“Don’t tell him that, man.” Buck sends Cletus a look. “Shut up.”
“Good idea,” I say, approaching Buck. “You move, Cletus, and it’ll be for the last time.” I aim my gun at Buck’s dick, pat him down and find nothing. I wasn’t expecting this to be so easy. They must have their weapons stashed in the car somewhere. “Okay, gentleman, consider this your lucky night and take your pants off.”
Cletus snaps his head to me. “You shitting me?”
“You a perv?” Buck asks.
So many questions, so little time. They’re both standing there shell-shocked. I think Buck actually believes I want to do him. Jesus Christ. Even if I were gay, he’d be the last guy I’d fuck. “Come on, you heard me.”
“You serious?” Cletus asks, scowling at his brother, and I wonder if he’s contemplating making a run. Then he stupidly takes a step toward me.
“Don’t.” I turn, aim, and blow a hole through a small tree, making it split in half. The concussion of my Smith and Wesson 500 thunders through the night as I turn back to Cletus and aim at him. “That was fun. Let’s make it your head next time.”
Cletus and Buck start shaking in their boots and slowly undo their buckles.
“The longer it takes, the colder it’ll get, and the more likely your balls will freeze off. Now move!” I think of Lexi waiting for me and am so tempted to kick the shit out of them. The vein in my neck twitches as I watch them finally get out of their jeans.
