Page 22 of Fake-Off with Fate
When our pie arrives, Jamie declares, “One piece is big enough to feed a family of four.”
“You haven’t tried it yet,” I tell him. Picking up my fork, I take my first bite. The creaminess of the pumpkin hits right before the powerful spice blend kicks in. Then there’s the mildly salty crunch of the praline. I have never consumed anything that comes close to being as amazing as this pie.
Jamie follows suit and jabs his fork into his piece. He takes four bites before coming up for air. “They could mass produce this and make a fortune!”
“Don’t you dare tell anyone that,” I warn. “It wouldn’t be as good if it was mass produced.”
Changing the subject, he asks, “Do you live near the woods?”
“Everyone in Maple Falls lives near woods,” I tell him. “But yes, my parents’ house backs up against a preserve.” A preservethe town apparently no longer owns. “Are you staying in the woods?” I ask.
Is it me or does the color drain from his face. “There’s a bear family on the property.”
“Bears roam a lot,” I assure him. “Just because you see them doesn’t mean they live there. Unless of course you rent from John Brady. His cabin is notorious for bear activity.”
Jamie looks like he’s about to cry. “My landlord is John Brady.”
I can’t help the bark of laughter that escapes my mouth. “Bears won’t hurt you,” I tell him.
“How do you know?”
I shrug. “I don’t really, but it’s been years since I’ve heard about a mauling in Maple Falls.”
He gulps loudly. “Which means we must be due for another.”
For a big, strong hockey player, he sure is skittish over the local wildlife. “Jamie, you’ll be fine,” I assure him.
He shakes his head. “I ran into an entire family of them on my way here. The male stood on his hind legs and roared at me. He almost knocked my car over.”
Suppressing another giggle, I tell him, “Bears don’t roar.”
“He made a loud and menacing noise that sounded like a roar to me.”
“He was just protecting his family,” I tell him. “It’s a natural reaction.”
“I wasn’t threatening any of them. I was just trying to get to my car without meeting an untimely end.”
What a drama queen.“Black bears don’t eat humans.”
“According to Google, they sometimes eat meat,” he says.
“Rarely, and then usually only in the spring after they’ve been hibernating. When they wake up starving they sometimes go a little nuts.”
His eyes open widely. “Note to self: Find a permanent home away from the woods before spring.”
“You’d have to rent an apartment on Main Street if you wanted to avoid the woods altogether.”
“I’m not fussy.”
I laugh again, which I seem to do a lot around this man. “The only people who have ever had trouble with the bears are ones who antagonize them. Just don’t throw any rocks at them or approach their babies, and you’ll be fine.”
Jamie doesn’t respond right away; he just keeps eating his pie. When he’s done, he puts his fork down and asks, “What if I help them get ready for winter and leave food out for them? They’d like me then, right?”
“They’d like you so much they’d tell their friends. And then if they wanted more food and it wasn’t there, they’d break into your house to get it.” The poor guy looks like he’s about to faint.
“Okay, I won’t feed them. But you’re sure they’ll hibernate soon.”
“Every October,” I tell him. “Like clockwork.”
