Page 11 of Fake-Off with Fate
“You might have, and then again, you might not have. For instance, did you know you should never play dead with a black bear? That technique only works on grizzlies.”
“What do I do with black bears? Nonchalantly turn around and run for my life?”
Dale looks alarmed. “Good God, no! You never run from black bears. They may not eat you, but running ticks them right off and they could still rip you to shreds.”
My appetite is decreasing with every word out of his mouth. “Should I engage them in a game of charades? Maybe ask them to dance?”
“Son,” Dale says in a worried tone, “you stand big and tall and make as much noise as you can.”
“Andthatwon’t tick them off?”
He shrugs. “It might, but it might also scare them away.”
“I’m suddenly rethinking coming here.”
Shirley May walks up with our drinks. It’s clear she’soverheard Dale because she looks at me and says, “You carry a can of bear spray with you. That way if a bear charges you, you can let him have it.”
I look down at the mound of whipped cream topping my hot chocolate and smile approvingly before asking, “Do I have to wait until it charges?”
“I’ve lived here my whole life,” she tells me. “And I’ve come face to face with more bears than I can count. I’ve never had to use the spray on them.”
“You just stand tall and make noise, huh?”
She smiles slowly. “I’ve only done that once. The other times, I tell them that I mean no harm and that they should just move along.” Even though I’m more inclined to believe her than Dale, I’m still not comfortable with the idea of making small talk with a bear. As such, I make a mental note to pick up a case of bear spray. Maybe two.
Dale interjects, “Shirley May, this is my captain, Jamie Hayes.” To me, he adds, “Jamie, this is Shirley May. She’s already one of my favorite people in town.” I start to wonder if maybe Dale has a little crush.
Looking up, I see a slight blush cross the waitress’s cheeks. “He only says that because I’m the one who brings him his food.”
“And because you’re downright delightful,” Dale tells her. Oh yeah, he likes her for more than the burgers she brings him. “I’d like the biscuits and sausage gravy this morning,” Dale tells her before handing off his menu.
Turning to me, Shirley May asks, “What about you, Jamie? You want to try the house special?”
“That sounds great. I’d also like a grapefruit juice as well, if you have it.”
With a wink, she takes our menus and walks away. Focusing my attention on Dale, I announce, “Someone has a crush.”
He smiles hopefully. “You think she likes me?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I have no idea. But I thinkyoulikeher.”
“Guilty,” he says.
“So why don’t you ask her out?”
“I don’t want her to say no and ruin my ability to come in here and enjoy a good meal.”
“Chicken,” I tease.
“Wait until you try the food and then you’ll understand.”
I take a sip of my hot chocolate and put it back on the table before telling him, “I stopped by and watched the team practice for a bit yesterday. You weren’t there.”
“Oh, I was there. I was sitting across the rink from you.”
I’m surprised I didn’t notice him. “You wanted to check out their dynamics too, huh?”
“I figure if they don’t know they’re being observed, they’ll make it known who I need to keep my eye on.”
