Page 58 of Fake-Off with Fate
Jeremy Hunt, Alexander MacDonald’s lawyer, has shown up in town and is currently blathering on about how important it is for Maple Falls to have the kind of infrastructure needed for a town that has its own NHL team. He’s so superior sounding it’s all I can do not to stand up and throw a shoe at him.
Before I can act out this fantasy, Phillip sits down next to me and hisses in my ear, “Your dad can’t still be sick. What’s really going on, Ashlyn?”
I give him my most scathing side-eye. “The latest word is viral gastroenteritis with a side of lactose intolerance.” I’ve Googled just about everything possible and this is the most believable, non-life-threatening, diagnosis I could come up with.
“Your dad is not lactose intolerant,” Phillip says like he’s suddenly a medical expert. “He has milk in his coffee, and he eats cheese and ice cream.”
I respond with a death glare. “People can develop allergies at any time, you moron.”
Phillip smacks his palm against the tabletop, making a loud enough sound that a few people turn in our direction. In a quieter voice, he declares, “I want to talk to him, and I want to talk to him soon.”
“I assure you, he’s not feeling up to a real conversation,” I retort. “Plus, he says he’s been texting you.”
Phillip’s eyes narrow slowly. “He talks to you and your mother. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen your mom around town either.”
“That’s because she’s been home taking care of my dad, Phillip.”
My mom had been handling her end of things beautifully from Barbados, but now that she doesn’t have phone reception,people have started to call me to see where she is. This whole thing is getting more and more complicated.
I wish I could just tell everybody where my parents are, but now that we’re three weeks into this thing, if they knew dad didn’t come home when he found out what was going on, it would certainly affect their opinion of him. Especially because my dad does not want the town to know my mom was going to leave him.
Picking up my phone, I pretend to get a text. As soon as there’s a break in conversation, I raise my hand and tell the gathering, “I’m so sorry but I need to take this incoming call. I’ve been looking into a few things, and this might be the information I’ve been waiting for.” Then I practically run out of the room.
Phillip, of course, follows. Pointing to the phone in my hand, he accuses, “You aren’t taking a call.”
“They’re calling in five minutes,” I snarl back.
“Who’s calling?”
I ignore him and walk toward the ladies’ room at the end of the hall. My dad’s pesky assistant trails behind, but luckily he has the sense to let me go in by myself. Locking myself into a stall, I take out my dad’s phone and text Phillip.
Mayor Thompkins
Phillip, I need you to take detailed notes of the town hall meeting and email them to me after it’s over.
Phillip
Sir, are you feeling any better?
Mayor Thompkins
This is the sickest I’ve ever been. Alicia is going to take me into Spokane to see a specialist this week. I’ll keep you updated.
Phillip
I’ve been out of the office for a week, but I’d better head back in. I’m sure the cleaning crew has killed any germs by now.
The last thing I want is for Phillip to come back to work, so I hurry to come up with a reason he shouldn’t. Unfortunately, the only thing that comes to mind is a real stretch.
Mayor Thompkins
Good idea. I need you to call an exterminator in the morning and have him check into the snake situation. Several people have reported that the grounds are infested with garter snakes.
Phillip
Snakes?!
Mayor Thompkins
