Page 81 of Freak Camp
The Director’s mouth quirked.“It’s good to work with a man of your enthusiasm and experience.If you like, you may escort the freak to the showers.”
Crusher’s eyes brightened.“Thank you, sir.Freak!Come!”
Tobias followed Crusher out of the room, and when the guard pushed him to his knees in the showers, it was almost a relief, both to be off his shaking feet and to know what he was supposed to do, exactly what was expected, and what would get him hurt.
When he could finally stumble into the barracks—clothes clean, back and chest still raw—he barely heard the other monsters as they swore at him.He fell into his bunk and curled up tight, still shaking.
Usually, before he fell asleep, he thought about Jake.Often it wasn’t safe to think about him at any other part of the day.But when he was able to push down every disgusting thing that he had done and that had been done to him and just think about Jake’s smile, about the touch of his hand, it kept him going.Some nights he would think,Maybe he’ll come.Maybe he’ll come next week, and it was probably something he didn’t deserve to think, something he didn’t deserve to hope for, but without that, he had no reason to keep going.And he had to keep going, because he knew that anything else would disappoint Jake.
Even after Leon Hawthorne had told him that Jake was never coming back(You’re going to get him killed), Tobias had held on to the hope that Jake would still come for him.Because Jake had said he would, and Tobias had seen that Jake was so brave, so strong, that he would even stand up to his father.
It had been over a month since Jake had visited, and Tobias had still hoped.But tonight, curling up the only way he could to avoid his raw wounds, Tobias closed his eyes and knew he couldn’t think about Jake.Every time he breathed he felt the pain of the crop, and he remembered what he was.
Freak, whore, slut, filth, monster.
Jake shouldn’t come back.Jake should stay as far away from Freak Camp and Tobias as he possibly could, because Tobias was worthless, Tobias was worse than worthless, and if Jake came to him, he would be contaminated just as surely, he would fall prey to something and it would be Tobias’s fault, all Tobias’s fault, because that was the kind of monster he was.
Tobias knew this.Tobias had had it beaten into his worthless monster skin, tonight and nights before, but he still wanted Jake back.Somewhere in his black monster heart, he wanted Jake so badly that if Crusher or anyone else said they could make it happen, then Tobias would bend over, Tobias would beg.He’d hope that the promise came true, hope that Jake would come back—if only long enough to look at him in disgust, to put a bullet through his head, even though a fast death was too much to hope for when Tobias had fucked himself up so badly.
Tobias wanted Jake and Tobias was an evil monster, a worthless whore, and he couldn’t help but hurt the things he wanted.So he tried not to think about Jake, Jake who wasn’t coming back, Jake who must never know how dirty and disgusting Tobias was.
Thinking about Jake wasn’t safe anymore.It just reminded Tobias how much of a monster he really was.
***
Lights had been outfor a couple of hours when the door swung open.Several monsters jumped in their bunks, Kayla included, but it was only Tobias who staggered through.Kayla exhaled soundlessly against her blanket.She had seen Victor yank Tobias out of the mess hall and heard some talk about the Director.The Director almost never personally requested a monster, and it was even rarer that they walked out of Administration afterward.
Tobias didn’t look like he was in much more than one piece, though.He had all his limbs, and his face hadn’t been beaten in, but something that made him Tobias was missing.He paused for a moment with his hand on the doorframe before shuffling forward.He didn’t manage more than a couple of steps before stumbling against one of the bunks and nearly falling on a monster.
Several monsters snarled.The monster in the bunk kicked out, and Tobias took it—swaying back dangerously—and then more monsters were growling throughout the barracks, wordless ferocious sounds with clear meaning:shut up and keep down.They all had been whipped two months ago for after-dark altercations, and no one wanted a repeat, or for the guards to decide that they deserved something harsher.
Tobias ignored them when he usually would have snarled back.He looked like it took every last ounce of strength in his body just to stay upright.His labored breathing was audible even to Kayla halfway across the room.He lurched on unsteadily to his bunk, more than once looking like he was going to collapse in the aisle, but he made it before his knees buckled.
Kayla’s hands unclenched from the edge of her blanket, and she rolled to face the other way.Tobias had gotten back to his own bunk.Of course he was okay.Roughed up, sure, but he was used to that—more than any other monster still around.He’d be fine in the morning.
But Tobias didn’t get up in the morning.
The buzzer blared in the corner, summoning them outside for roll call.The monsters rolled out of their bunks with muttered curses, jostling each other without vehemence.No one had energy for that first thing in the morning when a fight wouldn’t help a monster’s supply of blankets or food.
Kayla had already snarled her way into the line when she glanced back and saw one motionless body still in its bunk.She was about to shrug and turn away, thinkingUnlucky bastard, when she realized it was Tobias.
She dodged out of the line and kept her head down while the other monsters exited.No one looked to her.They probably thought she was going to try to roll the unconscious monster, and they didn’t think that being late for the attendance call would be worth whatever food or trinkets the victim might have secreted away.She would’ve thought the same thing if it hadn’t been Tobias.
Once the last monster in line stepped outside, she crouched down before Tobias’s bunk.His eyes were closed, and he hadn’t stirred at all.
Very slowly Kayla brought her fingers below Tobias’s nostrils, close enough to feel the small puffs of warm air on her knuckles.Still alive, then.
She poked him hard in the shoulder.
Tobias’s eyes flickered open and moved over her face, but without recognition or focus.He didn’t even twitch.His face was blank, emptier than she had ever seen, even when Crusher had him pinned.
So he’d finally been fucked.By the Director, no less.Kayla wondered if that was anything like getting fucked by Crusher.She’d never seen the Director herself, but she’d heard enough, and she’d never believed he had any particular restraint with monsters.
Hawthorne waited too long, she thought to herself with the disgust she had for hunters, as well as something of the burning rage she felt toward the guards.She’d always hated Hawthorne for this: he’d fucked Tobias up in every way besides the one he was supposed to.He’d broken through all of Tobias’s rules, even the ones Tobias had taught her.He had made Tobias hope for something he’d never get.Especially not now.
She watched Tobias’s face for a little longer, but it never changed, never showed any awareness of her.She couldn’t make him get up, and there wasn’t any point if he wouldn’t do it himself.Survival in Freak Camp was all about willpower (and luck), and until today she would have said that Tobias had the strongest will of anyone there.Maybe he still did.Maybe his luck had just run out.
She went to attendance call and breakfast, and when she snuck back into the barracks afterward with half of a small, dry roll, Tobias hadn’t moved.
