Page 42 of Fortress
“Every minute, Toby. Not gonna let you out of sight for a second. And if we gotta hit the road afterward, that’s what we’ll do. But it’s gonna go fine, really.” After a moment, he added reflectively, “Waiting’s gonna be shit, though.”
Tobias huffed out something that wasn’t quite a laugh. Yes, he remembered that from all the long Wednesday afternoons he’d waited for the Director to teach him his next lesson.
In the Eldorado, Tobias closed his eyes to the passing neighborhood, trying to pretend they were on an open highway with nothing awaiting them but the next rest stop or drive-thru or motel. He tried to repress what Jake had told him of regular doctor visits. Each description of cuffs, touching, or being told to open his mouth sent that same buzzing terror under his skin. Jake meant to reassure him, but neither of them knew which test would be the one that gave him away.
Jake didn’t think that would happen. He didn’t believe Tobias was a freak, but Tobias knew all the ways he could be wrong. There were so many ways a freak could manifest without leaving any evidence behind. He tried to hold on tight to the knowledge that Jake would never knowingly take him into a situation that would end with Tobias strapped into a black van.
Hetried.
He was trying, always fucking trying, but it was hard. Hard not to think about being dragged to Special Research. Hard not to be hyperaware of the bands currently around his shoulder and arm—protecting an injury, but also marking him instantly as weak and vulnerable. His left wrist rubbed against the leather seat, maybe to prove to himself that he could still move it, that he could get away if he had to. Maybe because that was the only part of him that felt free with the bands tightening around his chest, his breath coming thin and short and—No, no, this had happened outside of Freak Camp and before the hospital, the sensation of being tied too tight to breathe, no air in his lungs and his brain screaming nonstop—
“Toby. Toby!”
Tobias couldn’t answer, couldn’t even draw breath to try, but he felt the car swerve and stop, Jake leaning over him to open the shotgun door. In a moment of mindless panic, Tobias grabbed at Jake’s sleeve, terrified that Jake had finally decided that Tobias wasn’t worth the struggle anymore, that he was just going to shove him out of the Eldorado to die or be taken—but no, fuck, of course not, Jake was just telling him to breathe, deep breaths, unzip his jacket if he had to.
It took minutes before the invisible bands eased, before Tobias could draw in deeper, ragged breaths. As the panic faded, frustration and shame took its place. He fisted his free hand, slamming it into the seat. “I hate this. I hate being so weak—”
“Toby, you’re not.” Jake sounded so exhausted that Tobias opened his eyes, sure it couldn’t be that bad, that it couldn’t have wrecked Jake too. He shouldn’t have, though, because the dark circles beneath Jake’s eyes hit him like a punch in the gut.
Tobias drew himself up. He couldn’t force a smile, he couldn’t be okay, but maybe if he faked it hard enough, some of the weariness in Jake would go away. “I’m o-okay. Let’s go.”
Jake hesitated. “Toby—”
“Let’sgo, Jake.” Tobias was afraid his voice would break if he said anything more—that anything else he said would fall apart into pleas for them to hit the nearest highway, to get as far away as they could—but Alex had been right. Sooner or later, they’d have to face something like this. Better now, when Tobias was sixty-two percent sure that he wasn’t going to end up dead or worse, than later, when they had no choice of when or where.
Slowly, as though he were the one headed for Special Research, Jake slid back behind the wheel.
Alex tried not to hover while her old friend Dr. Michelle Nguyen sat in a chair before Tobias, leaning toward him as she asked quiet questions. They were using her church office as an impromptu exam room, and the boys sat side by side on her lumpy orange couch. Jake was nearly on the edge of the seat, apparently ready to pounce on any threats that might emerge.
But Tobias had gone totally, disturbingly blank. He stared straight ahead, eyes focused on nothing. A couple times he gave a minute nod or shake of his head, or some stiff answer of a syllable or two.
Michelle knew her work, though. Everything she did was smooth, unhurried, and kept to a minimum. Alex watched as she asked permission to touch Tobias’s shoulder. After his stiff nod, she moved with feather-light touches, checking just a few spots, before withdrawing again.
After another uneventful fifteen minutes, Michelle thanked Tobias for his time, and he and Jake made a quick escape outside.
Alex took a seat behind her desk, looking at her friend sitting in the chair across from her. Michelle gazed out the window, lost in thought.
Finally, Michelle turned to her, her brow furrowed. “I don’t ask you many questions.”
“But?” Alex suggested.
“Those scars, Alex.” Michelle held her gaze, unwavering. “Does whoever did that still have access to him or others?”
“Tobias’s safe,” Alex told her. “There’s nothing you or I can do about the others.”
Tobias kept a tight hold on himself, kept at bay the panic and fear still bubbling inside, until they reached the safety of theEldorado. Once inside, he leaned against the shotgun window, hands between his knees, staring into the depths of the foot well. Tobias was grateful when Jake wordlessly started the car and got them moving.
A few blocks away, Jake said, “See, just like I told you. You got nothing going on besides how that troll banged you up. How do you want to celebrate? Hit up a bookstore, go on an ice cream run, start head-banging to some Beethoven?”
Tobias managed a small smile. “I’m okay. She didn’t... didn’t see anything. But in two weeks, we have to do it again.”
Jake groaned, raising and dropping his hands onto the steering wheel. “Toby, you seriously think that it’s going to go down any differently next time? She said already that today was the big exam. Next time she’s just going to poke at that collarbone. You passed, dude. I swear, there’s nothing weirder about you than about me.”
Tobias drew a breath, straightening his back. Jake really sounded desperate, half-exasperated, half-wheedling—a specific mix Tobias remembered clearly from the early Boulder days. He’d been using it since the hospital, treating Tobias so carefully. It hurt in some ways that Jake still felt the need to coax and placate him. Tobias had to do better, because despite how real the danger had been, the awfulness of beingtied down naked helplessagain in the hospital—they had gotten away.
Here in Alex’s neighborhood, they were as safe as they were going to get, and Tobias had to stop acting like such a cowardly little bitch-freak. Jake needed someone better, someone who could watch his back, who didn’t cringe every time a real looked at him. He had to trust Jake that the worst had passed and the next examinations—appointments—would be okay. And until then...
“You’re right.” He tried to make the words strong, confident. Stronger than he felt, at least. “I passed.” One more deep breathso he wouldn’t stumble on the next words. “I’d like to t-try volunteering at the library.”
