Page 24 of Fortress
“What do you know,” Jake said quietly. “It looks like Christmas.”
Snow began falling early on the morning of Christmas Eve, like it had been special-ordered by some cheesy elf. Toby and Jake stayed in, making cookies on the pizza tray andwatching a few Christmas classics (noHome Alone, but the Grinch movie was all right). Toby was more absorbed by the decoration possibilities with the cookies, playing with variations of icing and snowflake-shaped sprinkles until they had dozens of brilliantly colored, sugary options.
At dusk, they bundled up and headed back downtown, arriving just as the singers were taking their places and opening their song binders before the crowd. A table to the side had two large Igloo jugs labeled for cider and hot chocolate, and Toby and Jake circled the crowd to fill tiny paper cups with the steaming liquid before finding a good spot to watch.
The choir was from the local university, judging by the logo on their matching scarves. They were bundled in padded jackets and beanie hats topped with fuzzy balls or dangling braids, their breath misting over their music. No one had instruments, not even one of those silver triangles, so hopefully this wasn’t going to suck.
The conductor—probably a professor—stood in front and waved his directing stick once, and the ensemble began with a low hum that had the entire crowd quieting as they strained to hear.
It was the beginning of “Carol of the Bells,” which Jake recognized first fromHome Alone. He’d been impressed because that was when Kevin found his balls and decided to take the situation into his own hands, but he’d never heard it sung live before. It sounded totally different, the overlapping parts and the building volume making himfeelthe song in a way he never had before. And yeah, the singers were pretty fucking good.
Jake glanced at Toby’s parted lips, his eyes fixed in wonder at the choir, and nudged his side before leaning in close. Toby met his eyes, his own wide and shining, and as he turned back to the choir, his gloved fingers found Jake’s, gripping tight and sure.
The next morning, Tobias woke early while Jake was sound asleep. He rolled over to glance at the clock, which told him what he’d expected to see: six o’clock on the dot. Like some part of his brain still heard the FREACS wake-up call blaring through the barracks, Karl’s and Victor’s shouts for the freaks toline up, move your asses quick-quick or we’ll take it out your hides. Even yours, Pretty Freak, not pretty enough to dawdle. Hundreds of miles and months away weren’t enough for his body and mind to forget.
He realized, seconds after the memory had locked his hands around the sheets and clenched his eyes, that it wasn’t just the flashback of klaxons and billy clubs that had woken him. Outside, faint but unmistakable, were church bells, tolling the hour with an added flourish of melody that Tobias recognized from the Christmas carols last night.
A smile spread across his face, and Tobias turned to bury it against Jake’s shoulder.Christmas had arrived at last.
The holiday wasn’t anything like Tobias had expected in the real world. A single day following weeks of anticipation, with hardly a building left without some sign of the holiday, whether that was a wreath, lights, or a huge tree decked with colored globes. The people too seemed different, stopping to wish each other happy holidays when they might not have even spoken at all before.
Of course it wasn’t perfect. People had shoved and argued in the shops over the smallest items, and many looked haggard, with dark circles beneath their eyes. Even Jake had seemed stressed at times, staring at certain traditional Christmas items as though he had never seen them before or wasn’t sure how they could work. Tobias thought that maybe Jake really hadn’texperienced these things before, maybe didn’t always believe the rosy picture that he painted for Tobias. But the more Christmas things they tried out, stringing lights and baking cookies, the more Jake had relaxed and seemed to actually enjoy it as much as Tobias did.
And here they were, finally, at Christmas Day.
Tobias felt another thrill of excitement, but he smothered it against his pillow, not ready yet to wake Jake. He wasn’t sure what people did on Christmas Day, apart from opening presents. He couldn’t wait to see Jake open his, and he couldn’t help but wonder what Jake might have gotten him. Jake had already given him so many things (books, clothes, a wallet and real ID, and food, so much food every day that he never felt hungry). What would he have chosen specially for Christmas?
There was nothing,nothingTobias could give Jake that could equal even a fraction of all of that. But that wasn’t what Christmas was about, according to all the shows and stories. It wasn’t about repayment, but... family. Being with family, and showing you cared.Maybe Tobias could do that much.
Still, he hoped he’d gotten the right presents for Jake. Jake had only asked for socks, and Tobias couldn’t help the nagging conviction that something—or maybe everything—he’d gotten Jake was totally, unforgivablywrong.Maybe Jake wouldn’t want to wear anything like a necklace. Maybe he liked his old things and wouldn’t even touch the new shit Tobias had bought him. And if he didn’t like them, if hehatedeverything, would Christmas be worth anything? Would Jake ever want to celebrate it with Tobias again?
His worries were interrupted when Jake shifted in his sleep, one arm curling over his head and rubbing at his ear, the other finding Tobias’s hip to tug him in. Jake muttered something unintelligible, then mashed his face into the pillow.
Tobias watched him, fascinated, and carefully laid his hand on Jake’s back. There was something wonderful about watching Jake move in his sleep, even if he still had a residual bit of nagging guilt, like he was stealing such a vulnerable and private moment. But Jake always smiled—a fuckingbeautiful, breathtaking smile—when he caught Tobias watching him.
So Tobias closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of Jake’s back under his palm, and let himself fall back asleep.
When he next woke, it was to Jake’s hand moving slowly, leisurely through his hair, in the way Tobias liked best. A smile spread across his face before he opened his eyes to catch Jake’s.
“Merry Christmas.” Tobias tried not to feel self-conscious over how the words felt on his lips, but he was rewarded by Jake moving in close to kiss him, warm and sweet, the best present. But that thought reminded him of the rest of the presents under the tree, and all the nerves rushed back. As soon as they broke the kiss, he blurted, “When do we open the presents?”
Jake snorted, rolling onto his back. “Yeah, you’ve got Christmas all figured out.” Embarrassed, Tobias squirmed away, but Jake was already rolling out of bed. “We can hit the tree soon as we want, but I need coffee first. You want anything to eat?”
They ended up toasting a few bagels and settling before the tree with eggnog and coffee. Tobias was more nervous than ever, rocking slightly between the presents and Jake, anticipation and apprehension twisting his hands.
“Here.” Jake pushed one way-too-big gift bag toward him. “Open that one first.”
“You should open—” Tobias hesitated, a momentary agony of indecision, then finally seized his middle-sized present. “This one.It’s not very good. I mean, they’re not—”
“Dude. Just open your present.” Jake waved at the one in front of Tobias, already tearing off the top wrapping of his own.Tobias bit his lip, then made himself focus on the bag before him.
Despite Jake’s enthusiastic paper-shredding example, Tobias couldn’t help moving carefully, separating the layers of tissue paper and reaching cautiously into its depths until his fingers found and withdrew a few thin, plastic squares. The titles on the cases readMozartandBeethoven.
“Keep going, there’s more,” Jake said, and Tobias looked up to see him watching closely, his hands stopped midway through the wrapping paper.
Tobias reached in again and pulled a large clear plastic case from the bottom, containing—a CD player, it said in large letters on top, though it took a long minute for Tobias’s brain to process what it meant. He looked slowly between the CD player and the three CDs, the third withLed Zeppelin IVon the case.
It was music. The music Tobias liked, and the ability to hear it, whenever he wanted.
