Page 21 of Fortress
Toby’s cheeks flushed pink below his beanie, his lips a little dry in the cold, just like Jake’s. Jake would have to grab someChapStick for them before they blew out of the store, but for now he settled for tugging Toby closer, where they were half-hidden behind a large evergreen with all its branches clustered together. He rested his thumb beneath Toby’s jaw, and Toby angled his mouth to meet his.
The kiss warmed him through like a shot of scotch, though far sweeter. Jake forgot about the trees, the grocery store, all but Toby here before him, hands lightly clasping his shoulders.
When they broke apart, Toby’s face was even more flushed, his eyes brighter, his shining swollen lips making Jake want nothing but to pull him into the backseat of the car, and better yet back to the apartment. He had to glance away to remember priorities, even as he looped his arm around Toby’s waist.”So, uh. You got a preference for any Douglas fir?”
Toby considered, tilting his head to touch Jake’s shoulder. “How long will they stay alive in our apartment?”
Jake shrugged. “I dunno. Probably through New Year’s, at least.”
Toby turned to him, surprised. “You don’t remember with ones you had before?”
Jake huffed out a short laugh. “Yeah, motel rooms weren’t the best places to go all out on the Christmas-tree-fu. Not much room to cart around a fake one in the Eldorado either.”
“Oh.”Toby frowned, and Jake knew without a doubt that his genius brain was working out the rest. “You... don’t mind having one now, though?”
“Hell nah.” Jake squeezed his hand. “Never had an apartment before, right? It’ll be awesome.”
On the last syllable ofawesome, like some goddamn cue, a motor coughed to life, starting low and rising rapidly to a dentist drill whine. Toby flinched away, hard, almost unbalancing Jake, and raised his hands in an aborted motion to cover his ears. Jakeswore, pressing his own hands to Toby’s ears, looking for the threat or maybe someone’s head to take off.
Some son of a bitch had a motherfucking chainsaw, using it to daintily prune one of the Christmas trees presumably for the family standing just out of woodchip range, and Jake was going to throw that fucking thing into a goddamn lake as soon as he could step away from Toby. Chainsaws had no fucking place in Christmas, unless it was some cheesy horror film that he wouldnotbe seeing this year.
As soon as the motor died away, Jake dropped his hands to Toby’s shoulders, and Toby lifted his head, though his eyes were distant and his breathing uneven. “Hey, Toby. Toby.” After a moment, he met Jake’s eyes, though they were so wide and bleak that Jake had to swallow. “Look, they’re just using a saw to trim the trees, that’s all that’s going on.” Toby followed his gaze to the tent, the family, the loser in the earmuffs chatting amiably to one of the boys who seemed critical of his chop job, but Toby didn’t look much comforted. “Why don’t you hang out in the car, listen to the classical radio station while I get one wrapped up?”
For a moment, Jake thought Toby was going to protest; then the chainsaw motor gunned again, and Toby flinched. He nodded, and Jake led him out of the tree lot.
Twenty minutes later, they had their tree strapped to the Eldorado’s black top (fucking ridiculous looking), and Jake slid back into the driver’s seat. Toby was slouched against the shotgun door, more subdued than he had been since they’d arrived in Boulder. Jake reached for his hand, rubbing his thumb over Toby’s knuckles.
“There’s some stuff I gotta grab inside the store—how about you hang here, guard the tree while I’m gone?”
But Toby roused himself to shake his head, sitting up straight. “No, I want to come with you.” He met Jake’s eye, jaw square and determined in a way Jake had come to fucking lovethese last couple of months, and he knew Toby was making a point.Toby sure as hell remembered the store and that first panic attack, and he wasn’t going to let that memory or even fucking chainsaws hold him back.
Jake was proud as hell of him, but he wished Toby didn’t have to be so stubborn this time. Waltzing into this grocery store wouldn’t have been a blast under the best of circumstances, and now factoring in Christmas crowds and motorized weaponry—
“I want to go, Jake,” Toby repeated, and this tone was new: insistence mixed with impatience and downrightannoyance, like he knew exactly what Jake was thinking and he was tired of waiting to prove him wrong.
Jake’s heart did a funny flip, and he nearly pulled Toby in for another kiss before he could stop himself. Didn’t stop the grin, though. “Okay, okay, you got it. Let’s go.”
Sure enough, just like always, Toby was right. He was fine, though he hung close to Jake the whole time, taking his hand shortly after they walked inside. But some of the Christmasy displays caught his interest, and Jake made a tight circuit to keep to their list.
When they stepped back out into the cold air, Jake didn’t miss Toby’s small triumphant smile. As soon as they’d stowed the bags in the trunk, he caught Toby by the wrist. “Hey.”
Toby looked at him, his smile picking up curiosity around the edges, and Jake drew him in, angling his head to meet his lips. Toby made a sound both surprised and pleased, then kissed Jake back with renewed energy. His hands slipped inside Jake’s jacket, along his sides, and Jake’s grip on Toby tightened.
Aw, dammit. Jake knew where this was going, and it was not particularly appropriate for a midafternoon parking lot. He pulled away reluctantly and immediately regretted even that distance. Toby’s eyes were half-closed, and he leaned after Jake’s lips like he hadn’t been ready to stop anytime soon. Jake strokedhis thumb down Toby’s face, a promise for later, before stepping back.
“Wanna circle downtown, rate how it’s decked out with jolly holly, before we head home?”
Toby’s flush hadn’t fully subsided from the kiss and the cold, but this time his smile beamed. “I’d like that.” His words were quiet and intent, like a secret he was sharing just with him, and Jake would never get over how amazing that was.
They drove down Pearl Street to circle the park, heading toward the first library they had walked into together (Jake got a tingle of déjà vu, remembering the look on Toby’s face when he heard his last name). But as they passed another block of shops, Toby made a sudden noise and pressed against the window.
“Jake—is that the bagel shop?”
Slowing, Jake craned his neck to see over Toby’s shoulders, through the fogged-up glass, and then glanced the other way, toward the park clearing and the in-ground amphitheater that was probably cursed. “Yeah, must be the same one.”
Toby fell silent but continued staring out the window. Jake wondered what he was thinking. That day still felt like a god-awful nightmare to Jake. Maybe when the sound of a chainsaw made Toby freeze up, he should remember when strangers talking to Toby at all had rendered him catatonic, how he had sobbed when touched by anyone other than Jake, and how he had no idea what to do with a hug.
Then again, maybe he shouldn’t, because the very thought made Jake’s fingers twitch and flex on the wheel.
