Page 25 of Freedom
Tobias nodded jerkily. He still hadn’t opened his eyes.
“Yeah, well, always carry a couple paper clips on you, all right? It’s a good rule of thumb for making like Houdini, and you never know when you’ll actually have to clip papers together. You don’t believe me, let me tell you about Tulsa sometime, that was one hell of a weird case. But we’ll keep working on this whenever you’re up for it, and pretty soon you’ll be picking locks in your sleep, and wasn’t that fun for Leon when I was a kid.” Jake reached out for Toby’s face, stroking his cheek, wishing he would look back at him. “You still with me?”
Tobias turned his head, even without the pressure of Jake’s hands, and opened his eyes. They were sad and shrouded with pain, but just the fact that Tobias was looking at him sent a rush of relief through Jake. And then when Tobias smiled, wobbly as it was, there was no fucking question that the Hawthornes were on the top of the world.
It was slow going, weeks and weeks of practice and training and talking and eating, crappy TV and driving through mountain ranges and forests. They discussed the principles of questioning people, and they started taking tiny jobs: the sorts of things that, to Jake’s practiced eye, looked more weird than supernatural. Tobias gradually grew more comfortable with people and the idea of interviewing. Even when he stayed silent behind Jake, taking notes and not really offering an opinion even when they returned to the hotel, he counted it a win every time Tobias could be around people and keep breathing.
But meanwhile, something started itching uncomfortably at Jake, like a spot he didn’t dare try to reach while going toe to toe with a wendigo. It might have started when they’d driven past a billboard for a missing child. Nothing special about it, just the usual muted tragedy of the kid’s smiling school photo and outdated haircut, but Jake had felt uneasy the rest of the day.
Then over lunch Toby told him about the latest book he was reading,The Last Unicorn, and as soon as they shut the doors back inside the Eldorado, the words finally burst from Jake.
“We could, you know—try to figure out where you came from. That’s what the internet’s for. Not just solving our kind of hunts. It could help you find any family you want to go back to.”
He couldn’t meet Toby’s eye, so he didn’t know what his face looked like. He stared straight ahead until Toby said, his voice distant and strange, “What?”
Jake swallowed, gripping the steering wheel for something to hold on to. “It’s just—something you should think about. Because you can. I didn’t just get you out of that hellhole to keep you to myself. I mean, I know I gave you my name, but it’s—not the only name you got. You had another one, you know, before. And I—I’ll help you find out what it was, and where you came from, and whatever family you’ve got. Whenever you want.” It hurt worse than it should have to say those words, and Jake hated himself for it.
Then Tobias said, “Jake,” in an uneven tone, and Jake’s head snapped to him.
Toby’s hazel eyes were wide and fixed unwaveringly on him, his face pale, but he didn’t look like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His expression was more like Jake had pulled a gun on him, and it seized the breath in Jake’s chest.
Slowly, Toby said, “Do you... want me to leave?”
“No,” Jake said at once. “No, no, that’s not what I meant—”
“Are you s-sorry”—Toby swallowed hard, the words sounding jagged in his throat—“you gave me this name? Do you want me to have a different one?”
“No, that’s not it. Fuck, Toby. It’s not about me, okay? I mean, yes, that’s what I wanted—to get you out and have you with me and call you a Hawthorne too, so no one fucks with either of us—but that’s not all that matters here. It should be whatyouwant because you’ve got a choice, and it’s not just this life stuck with me in this damn car. I know you might not want anything different today, but I just want you to know... any day you want something different, or you want to find out who you used to be or where you came from, some kind of home, it’s okay to look for it. That’s all I’m saying.”
Toby still looked at him like Jake had suggested gutting him with a fishhook. “Okay,” he said at last, though it did not sound okay. “And if I don’t want that? If I just want to be To-Tobias Hawthorne? If that’s r-really my name?”
“It is,” Jake said immediately. “It is, I really meant it. It’s legal and everything.”
“Then I don’t want anything else,” Toby said flatly. “I’ll tell you if that changes.”
Jake exhaled, leaning his head back against the seat rest, not sure how much worse he could’ve fucked up this conversation. “Okay. I didn’t mean—my point is just, you got a choice. It’s not just me and all this.” He waved a hand in front of him, like that could encompass their life on the road with motels, diners, and now their hunts.
“I want this,” Toby said again. “This is my choice, okay?”
Jake nodded, trying to ignore the lingering knot of guilt in him that whispered,But he doesn’t know anything else. It didn’t really seem like a fair choice when there wasn’t any solid alternative. Unable to stop himself, he said, “But you’ve got people out there too, you know. Probably a mom and dad who’d do anything to get you back. Who would give you a home.”
“Jake,” Tobias said again, and Jake looked at him. “Why do you think that? Do you know something—”
“No,” Jake said quickly. “I would tell you if I knew anything.”
Toby’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re just imagining this. Like it’s a book or a story on TV.”
Jake lifted his hands, palms out in defense. “It’s not that crazy. You were a little kid when they threw you in there. You had to come from somewhere. Someone was taking care of you.”
Tobias studied him, his brow furrowed and lips compressed. Finally, he said, “There was a shapeshifter kid I knew. She remembered how she got there, unlike me. It was her grandfather who called the ASC to come get her. Her mother tried to hide her, but when her grandfather found out what she was, he made the call.” He leaned forward, holding Jake’s gaze. “There’s no happy story in the past, okay? The ones on TV are made-up, just like you told me.”
Jake swallowed and had to look away.
Toby went on. “You remember your mom, right? If I had anyone worth remembering, I would.”
Jake flinched. He wanted to argue because that had to be so wrong, so fucked up. How could there not be people out there who loved and missed Toby every single day, who would give anything to have him back? But it was Toby’s choice. Jake had at least made the offer so Toby knew he wasn’t trapped here. That was all that mattered right now.
“Okay,” he said at last. “I hear you.” Toby still studied him suspiciously, so he added, “It’s up to you. I mean it. If you don’t want to look, we’re not gonna look.”
