Page 17 of Freedom
Jake huffed a laugh. “Well, I got some practice. But it’s good, okay? This’ll work. I told you that every fake credit card eventually goes belly up, but if that happens, or if the IDs fuck up—that’s my fault, Toby, not yours.”
“No!” Tobias pushed himself up on his elbows, shocked.
“Yes,” Jake said, smiling, though his tone was still gentle. “This is my arts and crafts, dude, I get credit for however it turns out. I’m just asking you to trust me. I wouldn’t give you anything that might get you in trouble, right? Nothing but the best.”
Tobias took a couple more slow breaths, then sat up and forced himself to pick up the wallet again and take out the ID. It was good, very good. He had to believe Jake that the marks of authenticity would count more than all the signs offreakshining from his face.
They sat there quietly for a few more moments, until Tobias said, “I don’t think I weigh 120 pounds.”
Jake’s laugh shook through his arms, warming Tobias, and a smile tugged at his own mouth. “Yeah, well, you’re not eighteen quite yet either. Think of it as a good first goal.”
Tobias nodded, slid the ID back inside, and folded the wallet back together, clasping it between his hands. “Thank you,” he said again and this time looked into Jake’s face.
Something flickered in Jake’s gray eyes, and he bent his head forward, pressing his mouth to Tobias’s hairline as he squeezed Tobias’s shoulder tight. Tobias closed his eyes, breathing in Jake’s scent deep.
Just when Tobias thought he had gotten any kind of grasp of what Jake wanted from him, just when it started to seem feasible, Jake reset his expectations to impossibly enormous. Quite often that scared Tobias, though never with the hopeless dread he had in camp. He was finally coming to believe that every time he failed, Jake would catch him and never let him hit the floor. He could count on that, and Jake’s faith in him, over his certainty of his own shortcomings.
This wallet was scary in new, indefinite ways because it suggested he could survive without Jake; it opened the possibility that Jake might leave him someday. Tobias tried not to think about that, focusing on the plan rather than the necessity for the plan.
The power the wallet offered was alien as well because this was something that didn’t depend on Jake’s kindness or whether Tobias could perform in the way the guards had expected him to. Tobias didn’t know if he could accept or trust in it yet, but just the new possibility open to him was enough of a revelation.
~*~
The next night, neitherof them felt much like going out when they checked in to the motel. Conveniently, the hotel had one of those little ring binders with restaurant options. There was even a nice little subsection for delivery.
Jake ran his hand down the line, decided he didn’t want to eat tofu curry, and turned around. Toby had already laid his bag on the second bed and sat next to Jake, watching the black TV as though it were already showing the soothing clouds. “Pizza or Chinese?”
Toby turned his head. “What?”
Jake hefted the phone. “Delivery. Pizza or Chinese.”
Toby tipped his head back, studied the ceiling while he thought. “Pizza.”
Jake punched in the numbers and then stopped. Savored.
A month ago, Toby would have stared at him, panicked at the very idea of choosing. Maybe even last week, he would have asked so many more questions, price and preference and convenience. But tonight he thought and chose, and these were the small gifts. These were the moments Jake had to hold on to when even the good things he could do with his life didn’t seem like enough.
And because he paused, an idea came to him.
He stretched the phone toward Toby. “You wanna make the call?”
Jake knew Toby didn’t, even before Toby froze, eyes fixing on the phone like it might bite him. He could tell that just the idea of talking to a stranger he couldn’t see, couldn’t even physically take the measure of, brought Toby instantly to the verge of his second panic attack of the day. Jake’s instinct to protect Toby from these threats had been honed as strong as his awareness of flickering lights, of someone shifting to touch a weapon under their jacket, but it wasn’t doing Toby any favors to keep him in a bubble forever.
And Toby didn’t want him to. So this was another step. A baby one to anyone else, but for them... it made fucking Godzilla look like a garden snake. Toby took the phone, cleared the partially inputted number, and turned it over and over in his hands. His eyes flickered to the pizza ad’s number. “What’s the—the a-a-address here?” Jake slid over a notepad with the hotel info printed on top. Toby took a deep, slow breath, like he was going underwater and wasn’t sure when he’d get another shot at air. “Yeah, I w-want to.”
Jake’s rush of pride and triumph nearly had him pull a fist pump, but he restrained himself to a bright grin. “Okay, let’s go over this. I’m a pimply sixteen-year-old, working for minimum wage at Papa John’s and bored out of my skull. The only thing I’m thinking about is whether or not I can catch a break with Sally from algebra class and she’ll maybe, like, you know, want to watch a Star Wars marathon with me tonight after work.”
Toby was almost smiling, his shoulders looking less like they’d break if Jake touched them wrong. Pleased, Jake went slack-jawed and mimed answering the phone. “Uh, hi, this is Papa John’s, my name’s Lance, may I take your order?”
Catching on, Toby raised Jake’s cell to his ear. “Can I get two large pizzas—one cheese, one half vegetarian and half pepperoni?”
“Uh, I guess... do you want any, like, soda or girly little cinnamon sticks with that? They’ve only, like, been sitting on the counter since yesterday, dude.”
“Just a two liter of Coke.”
“Okay... your total will be like, fifty bucks, or something like that, and it’ll be there in an hour or maybe two because we’re in the armpit of Tennessee and I think I’m gonna smoke a joint before delivering your pizza. Bye, dude.”
Toby was grinning at him, bright and unreserved and beautiful, and it was so fucking good to see his hands steady again.
