Page 61 of Freedom
~*~
The next morning, Jakewoke up, groaned, and poked gingerly at his right eye where he was sure he was developing one hell of a beautiful black eye. He felt hungover and shitty like... well, like several people had tried to beat in his face with what was on hand in a drinking establishment.
“Fuck,” he said. Tobias, slumped over in the passenger seat, jerked awake, and after blinking at Jake groggily for a moment, he began rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Jake was relieved to see that Tobias looked fine, except for a small scratch on his cheek. Fuck, how had that happened? Who had done it? Jake was gonna kick their ass, as soon as he could walk without throwing up.
He was pretty fuzzy on the fight or what had started it, though he had the feeling he deserved every bruise. He also had a hangover to end all hangovers—the entire world pulsed in time with his heartbeat, Tobias’s wide eyes expanding and contracting in his vision like some kind of cartoon dog’s—but he could still remember how they had gotten to the parking lot last night. Or rather, waking up in the driver’s seat with the Eldorado’s keys in his pocket told a pretty convincing story.
“Toby, I need food,” Jake rasped. “And Tylenol. Maybe morphine.”
Tobias blinked, shook himself, and then reached over the backseat for the first aid kit.
Jake caught his elbow. “Joking, Toby. You okay?”
Tobias smiled, briefly. Jake was a fucking idiot for coming so close to messing this up. “Yeah, Jake.”
“Good. Let’s get breakfast, and then I’m gonna teach you how to drive.” He dragged himself out of the Eldorado and then waited, leaning against the door while Tobias worked through the freeze, the panic, whatever he was thinking about now. Much as Jake wanted to do this right, he didn’t have the energy to look up right now. And he wasn’t going to argue about this.
“Jake—” Tobias began, one white-knuckled hand gripping the top of the Eldorado’s door.
“Nope, breakfast,” Jake said. He tried to smile, but it probably didn’t come out very well. The leading edge of dawn light coming up behind him hurt like a mother, and he fumbled for his sunglasses. Tobias liked to think that he didn’t argue, that he didn’t have an opinion. Jake sometimes enjoyed being enough of a pain in the ass to prove him wrong.
He started off to the Walmart where chips, coffee, and hopefully extra-strength Tylenol awaited, while Tobias followed close at his heels, watching like he expected Jake to fall over any second.
They didn’t make a habit of touring grocery stores, as they usually found whatever they needed at truck stops and convenience stores, but Tobias had gotten comfortable even in the bigger ones and lately even department stores. Jake’s hangover this morning might not have promoted the clearest of thinking, but he was willing to bet that the preoccupation of driving would distract Tobias from his usual produce section nerves.
The morning staff in Walmart glanced at them with tired suspicion when he staggered through the doors but left them alone when Jake snagged beef jerky and Tic Tacs off the shelves.
“Toby,” he said, “I won’t say this often, so listen close.” He could feel Tobias’s gaze on him, but he kept going, picking up a can of salsa off the shelf and weighing it in his hand. “Sometimes, I am a fucking dumbass who does dumbass shit. Like last night. Yeah, last night was a grade A dumbass, shining Jake-Hawthorne-fuckup moment. And I know you know that, you’re plenty smart enough to tell when I’m flying off the fucking rails.”
Jake had to stop, take a shaky breath, consciously set the salsa jar back down. “And last night was the worst that... just the worst. I know that. And I’m gonna try to be better. I’m gonna be better for you, Tobias, but I need... I’m gonna want... What I’m trying to say is that you’re allowed to say, ‘Jake, stop being a fucking dumbass.’ Fuck, I’d be grateful. Just knock me out or something, all right?”
For a second, Tobias stared at him as though he’d never seen him before. He had that same old horrible look in his eyes as though he thought that this was a test with no right answers, and Jake’s stomach—already roiling from too much alcohol and not enough common sense—clenched hard around his spine. And then Tobias ducked his head, not really smiling, but no longer holding that pinched desperate look of borderline terror. “Yeah, Jake. I got it.”
“Good.” Jake exhaled, rubbing his eyes under the sunglasses and grabbing a couple boxes of Pop-Tarts off the shelves. “That’s another reason you’re learning to drive—no, don’t look at me like that, I’m not gonna argue about this with you.”
Tobias crossed his arms and gave him a narrow-eyed look. “I thought I was allowed to argue whenever I wanted.”
Jake winced at the sound of his own words and then cast Tobias a look of grudging approval. “Yeah, well—we can argue later, but... Christ, not while my head feels like it’s got a marching band with a double drumline bashing away inside. We can hash this out when it’s a fair fight, just... let me get some coffee. And some grease.” Jake picked a can off the shelf near the flour and blinked at it for a second. When the “Crisco” registered, he hastily fumbled it back onto the shelf. “Not that much grease. Fuck it, look at me, Toby, I don’t even know what thisis.” He held out a bag of potato starch with the plaintive air of a child who couldn’t get Legos to hold together.
Tobias took the bag carefully, turned it between his hands, read the ingredients, and then handed it back to him. “It’s used to thicken soups and stews.”
“You are a fucking lifesaver.” Jake sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But seriously. I know you don’t want to drive. I know that that’s a... a lot. I learned when I was, like, seven or something, so it’s like second nature, but I know that it can be huge, but... I’m asking you to do this for me. Thinking about how wasted I was last night and what could have happened... I could have crashed us, you know? Hurt you or me or my car. It would mean a lot if I could count on you to get behind the wheel if I get hurt, or wasted, or just need to take a couple winks while we’re on the road but we gotta keep going. I’m not asking you to say right now you’ll get us through downtown Chicago without breaking a sweat, but just—baby steps, like everything else we’ve been doing. We’ll start easy, and you’ll let me know when you’ve had enough for one day, and that’ll be okay. Can you... give that a try with me?”
Tobias took a slow, careful breath, his eyes closed. When he opened them, they were sober and sad. “I don’t want to drive.”
Jake dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck, Toby, I don’t want you to do—”
He stopped when Tobias grabbed him by the wrists, tugged his hands down. “I don’t want to, but to help you, to help keep you safe—I will.” And there was no fear in his eyes, just grim determination, and Jake felt a slow, exultant grin spread over his face.
“Toby, this is so awesome, you have no idea. We’re gonna take it slow, baby steps, but I’m sure you’re gonna win Safest Driver in the State wherever the hell we might happen to be.”
~*~
Tobias knew Jake wastrying to support him, to boost his confidence. Worse, Jake really did believe Tobias could do all these real things to a degree that honestly scared him. He was going to let Jake down sooner or later, and he really, really didn’t want it to be while he was behind the wheel of the Eldorado.
But true to his word, Jake started him out with small challenges, and he let Tobias take his time reading driver’s manuals and motoring safety until Tobias said he was ready—or as ready as he would be, seeing how Jake wasn’t changing his mind.
Jake took them to a big, mostly vacant parking lot before handing over the keys for the first time. A couple of empty cars were parked at the other end of the lot, but no one was in sight. No one to watch Tobias attempt something he definitely should not be doing, to witness the consequences and place a call to the ASC to report the freak seriously out of bounds.
