Page 35 of Freedom
“It’s okay, dude.” Jake reached for his face, and Toby’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Jake traced the line of his jaw, then smoothed his hair back, letting his hand follow down his neck and the length of his spine. “You did good, Toby,” he said softly. “You did real good. I’m so proud of you.”
Tobias shivered, the tightly repressed tension finally rising to the surface. “I tried,” he said in a low voice. “It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, with you... knowing what was at stake.”
“You did real good. Toby the Tiger.” Smiling, Jake started again at the top of his spine.
But Toby’s breath caught, the scrunch in his forehead mirrored in his shut eyes and twisted mouth, his eyelashes already damp. “Hey, hey,” Jake said, resting his hand on the back of Tobias’s neck.
“I d-didn’t do good.” Toby took in a shuddering breath. “I didn’t, because y-you got hurt.”
“No, no. Dude, that’s not how it works. Yeah, we watch each other’s backs, ’cause we’re a team—but if one of us gets KO’d by a baddie, it ain’t the other one’s fault, okay?” Jake didn’t mention that he’d have one hell of a time forgiving himself if he let any more damage come to his beautiful, battered Toby. “Hunters get scraped up. It happens, even with the world’s best partner. And as far as partners go, I’m not gonna get better than the one I’ve got.”
“You could,” Toby whispered, tear-streaked face half pressed into the pillows. “Any hunter would be better than a f-freak.”
“Hey.” Jake’s grip tightened on the back of Toby’s neck. He immediately tensed, stilling right down to his lungs, and Jake swore silently at himself as he shifted his hand to Tobias’s shoulder, rubbing circles. “Toby. That’s not what you are, remember? No way. I know a freak when I see one, and you arenotone.”
Tobias’s frame shook in near-silent sobs, but he let Jake draw him closer until his hair tickled Jake’s chin. “I don’t know—I can’t do the things r-reals can. I’m not g-good. You sh-should have someone better.”
“Toby.” Jake closed his eyes. “I have the one I want, okay? You can do lots of things no one else can. Fucking impressive. Anyone else would have a hell of a time learning everything you have so far. No way they’d catch on so fast.”
Toby’s sobs quieted as Jake ran his hand through his hair, staring out the window across the room. Finally, his voice emerged, steadier. “I chose the hunt.”
Jake let go of Toby’s head, pulling back to look him in the face. “Yeah, and it was a damn good one. People were getting hurt, Toby, and you helped stop it.”
Tobias let out one last, shuddering sigh, his tight grip on the front of Jake’s pajama shirt never loosening. When he opened his eyes, they were red but still full of that same unshakable resolve. It drove Jake crazy sometimes how Toby hadn’t a clue how strong he was. “I’ve never been able to save anyone before,” he said quietly. “Never anyone that—mattered. And it’s good, important, but it’s not worth... seeing you hurt.”
Jake wanted to pull Tobias close again, brush his hair and tell him that it would be okay, but the truth was that this washunting. It was a dangerous, crazy, unstable job, and it wasn’t always okay, because most hunters died before they even knew what they were doing, and the rest died bloody because they could never stop. Jake didn’t know a lot about the world, but he knew what he was.
“Toby, what you got to understand is that I’m not doing this because you wanted us to.” Jake had to keep looking Toby in the eye, so he couldn’t pull him closer, but he could at least wipe away the smear of tears beneath his green-brown eyes. “I’m terrified for you every time you’re out there with me, every time we go up against some evil sonuvabitch. But if you weren’t here, I’d still be doing this. I stopped when I first got you out, when you were still getting your bearings, but... I’m a hunter. I would’ve gone after those... what’d you call them?”
“Fuath,” Tobias said, voice croaking.
“Yeah, the fuath. I would’ve gone after those furry bastards all on my own, and I probably would have gotten jumped just the same. Even if there wasn’t anyone to drag my sorry ass to the road or take down the one that knocked me out, I would’ve gone anyway. Yousavedme, because I’m just a stubborn fuck who’s gonna keep putting his life on the line until there’s something’s stronger, faster, better than me. Or until you tell me to stop. So, what do you say? You gonna keep my sorry ass in one piece, or should we go back to Boulder so I can try to teach myself how to survive in a job behind a desk?”
Tobias blinked, hard and fast, and then took a deep breath. “You mean that? That... that I helped you?”
“Toby, I wouldn’t be here right now without you.” And damn if Jake didn’t mean that in more ways than one.
“I’m just... I don’t want you to get hurt.” But Toby looked like he was wavering, like he thought that maybe he should be there too.
Finally, Jake could pull him close and press his mouth to Toby’s forehead, because that was as close as he could get to a yes. They were both still alive, and damn, it was good to have backup and to know that Toby cared, even if the manifestation of that care scared the crap out of him sometimes.
“I’ll do my best. But in the meantime, let’s help people. Hunt evil. Okay?”
Tobias nodded and reached up to wrap his arms around Jake too. “Okay.”
And if his hug was almost too tight, his breath still fast and shaky, Jake could understand the feeling.
