Page 116 of Reaper's Ruin
The question hung in the air between us, challenging, impossible. Something shifted in his expression—a crack in that impenetrable armor he wore like a second skin.
“You’ll get your door,” he said finally. “When the time comes, when you find your peace, it will appear. You’ll want to find your mother. To see what awaits beyond. And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you alive until that moment comes. Protect you from any dangers so you get your chance to find peace. And I... I’ll be here long after.”
The raw honesty in his voice stripped away my anger, leaving only aching sympathy. Eight hundred years of watching souls move on, of remaining behind in endless solitude.
Was that why he was trying to maintain distance?
Was it possible he felt more for me than I realized—that my leaving would pain him as much as the thought of leaving him pained me?
I shook the notion from my head almost immediately. No. That was ridiculous. Rhyker was an immortal, all-powerful being who’d existed for centuries. He was literally Death itself.
And I was... what? Soraya Peterman. A nursing student who’d died in her pajamas. Boring. Human. Completely forgettable.
Sure, we had chemistry. The kind of explosive, mind-blowing physical connection that had left me shattered on that desk. But that was just lust, wasn’t it?
Eight hundred years of solitude would make anyone desperate for touch. For connection. For release.
And yet... sometimes, when he looked at me, I couldn’t help but think I saw something deeper than primal need.
The way he’d torn Lord Cassius’s heart from his chest for insulting me.
The way he protected me like I meant more to him than his own life.
The way his control shattered whenever another man touched me.
But that couldn’t be love. Not for someone like me. I was just... convenient. Available. Here.
There was no way a man like him could feel what I felt. Not really. Not the way I burned for him.
Maybe he wanted me—craved me, even—but that was different. That was instinct. Lust. An alpha male need to possess. Eight hundred years of loneliness and now I was the woman placed in his path. He’d likely have ripped the clothes off any woman with the same passion as he had me, even though that thought made my stomach churn, thinking of him with anyone other than me.
It wasn’t possible he mirrored the power of my true feelings. Not the raw, aching depth that hollowed me out every time I looked at him.
And after what happened between us—after that connection—I’d almost let myself hope.
But the way he pulled back, distant and cold, only proved my theory: whatever he felt for me, it wasn’t the same.
He might have wanted my body.
But I was already losing my heart.
He stood abruptly, turning away. “We should rest while we can. The Flame Court border is still at least a three-day ride away. We won’t be safe until we reach it.”
I watched as he pushed some leaves together, forming what appeared to be a bed. He took off his jacket, gesturing for me to come over and lay down.
I did as he asked, and he covered me with his jacket, the gentle gesture making my heart clench inside me.
“Thank you,” I whispered, the exhaustion from our day already starting to overcome my aching muscles and heavy eyes. “And when we reach the Flame Court, we’ll be safe there?”
His face tightened. “Safe from the Storm Warriors, yes. But the Flame Court won’t take kindly to visitors, and we still have to worry about the Veil Lords figuring out what I’m up to and sending Reapers for you. We have no idea if they can harm you in this form since you may be in a mortal shell, which they can’t normally touch, but you’re technically dead. So no, we won’t be safe. Not until you find your peace and move on. Now get some rest. I’ll keep watch.”
He strode away sliding down beside a tree that gave him a sweeping view of our surroundings, leaving me lying alone, aching for him, inhaling his smell on the jacket I pulled tight around me wishing it was his arms instead.
The ominous warning had sent a pang of fear coursing through me. The threat was real. I really could be pulled into oblivion at any moment. Never see my mother again. But even as I knew this to be fact, even though I had watched my murderer get dragged into the horrifying afterlife awaiting him, I still couldn’t will myself to find the peace I needed to move on. Something was holding me here.
And I couldn’t stop the thoughts running through my mind that it was... him. How could I make peace with leaving behind the only man who had ever made me feel so alive. Made me feel...
The word rattled around in my head, ridiculous as it may have sounded at first, but also so powerfully true that I couldn’t unring the bell once I’d rang it.
