Page 56 of She Used to Be Nice
“Hold on, Morgan.” Avery’s chest was tightening. Fast. She barely had enough air to choke out the words. “Isn’t … isn’t the bachelorette party supposed to be a girls-only thing? Your last chance to … to celebrate being single with your girlfriends?”
“Iguess,” Morgan said, but it was clear she did not agree. “But I can’t pass up on this. Look at this house!” She waved toward Blair’s phone. “It’s paradise.”
Avery swallowed nervously. “But … but I already started brainstorming some stuff. I … I even found some bachelorette shirts. I found an adorable set with a white shirt that says ‘I said yes!’ for you and black ones that say ‘We said party!’ for us. They’re … they’re super cute.” Avery felt small and stupid, like she was grasping for arguments she knew would not be persuasive. But she was desperate.
“Why don’t you bring those shirts to Colorado? We’ll wear them there!” Morgan insisted. “Look, I know you’re not into the outdoors, but this house is everything I’ve ever wanted in a weekend getaway.” Morgan was trying to speak calmly but failing; her energy was too high, her joy too unrestrained. She pointed at the photos on Blair’s phone again. “Those mountains! Thosewildflowers!Please? Be excited, for me?”
Avery scanned Morgan’s face, wide-open and panting. A whole weekend. In Noah’s house. Where Avery wouldn’t be able to escape him no matter how hard she tried: His style would be reflected in the interior design choices; his favorite food and drinks would be stocked in the fridge; the scent of his laundry detergent would be embedded in the sheets she’d sleep on and the towels she’d dry her naked body with after a shower. He would be everywhere, reflecting and refracting back at her around every corner like a scary hall of mirrors.
“Of course I’m excited,” she said, her smile so brittle it nearly crumbled.
There was nothing else to say.
17
WHICH DO YOU LIKEbetter w the dress?Morgan’s text was accompanied by a picture of a gold necklace with a wide band next to a pair of long diamond earrings.
Avery thought it over, then wrote,earrings. i think with a plunging neckline you need to go statement earring
These kinds of conversations, in which Morgan would text Avery pictures of jewelry or hairstyles or silverware design and request her thoughts, were happening with increasing frequency since the bridal shower a couple of weeks ago. Today when Morgan texted, Avery had been following a burst of productivity that inspired her to clean out her fridge. She had just chucked a six-month-old loaf of bread she’d defrosted and forgotten about and an expired jar of mayonnaise that, when she opened it, was alarmingly chunky, into the garbage when her phone buzzed with Morgan’s reply.
Thanks! I’ll do that
Three dots appeared on the screen again. Avery wondered if Morgan was finally going to tell her that she’d decided on a centerpiece. Morgan was torn between a clear hexagonal bowl or tall glass cylinder adorned with either white ribbon or gold, and wasn’t sure which combination would overshadow the flowers and which would complement them. Avery liked the hexagonal bowl and Morgan did, too, depending on which influencer’s wedding she stalked online that day.
Btw hows Pete? Can we double date yet?
Avery hadn’t talked about Pete to Morgan since they discussed the toothbrush incident at Ofrenda, though Morgan was itching to reconnect with him and officially make him part of their friend group, which she probably hoped would encourage Avery to invite him as her plus-one to the wedding. But Pete was busy with work lately, always sending Avery Snapchats from his late nights in the office, sometimes even at 2AM. It reminded Avery of what he’d told her about his music career dreams a few months ago at his parents’ house. It seemed like the corporate world was not only sinking its teeth into him, but also taking a huge bite.
She tossed a smoothie bowl pocked with fuzzy green mold into the trash.maybe. he’s been really busy with work. i haven’t even seen him much lately
It surprised Avery how much she cared about Pete already. They’d only hung out a handful of times so far, and she was still getting used to the idea that he would actually stick around, but so far his presence in her life had inspired mostly positive feelings. Of course, the self-doubt still crept in sometimes; she always wondered if the next layer she peeled back about herself would be the one to scare him away. But so far he’d stayed. To be fair, though, he didn’t know herthatwell yet, so his impression of her wasn’t an impression ofherand more an impression of the parts that she was willing to show him at this point, which was both a relief and a source of some stress. How long could they keep up these playful and mostly superficial conversations via text about movies and TV shows and funny memes? At some point he’d want more.
Her phone buzzed.Well when he’s free, we need to hang,Morgan said.And I know you’re weird about the word “dating” so we won’t call it double dating. We can call it a group hang! Just a casual group hang among some pals
Avery knew people used the word “dating” in all kinds of different ways. But to her it felt so serious, like she was trying to find someone to settle down with. Or that whoever she was datingwasthe person she was trying to settle down with, that “dating” was synonymous with “relationship.” That was why she preferred“talking” or “hanging out.” It was the bare bones of the truth but the truth nonetheless, a way to honor what she and Pete were doing without the pressure that came with labels. Because the closer they got to a label, the more of herself she would have to give him. A label made things definitive, absolute, complete, when she’d only so far given him fragments. She didn’t want to rush the process of letting him see more of her than she was ready to show.
But regardless of what she called it, it made her happy.Petemade her happy. Lately she found herself feeling disappointed when she didn’t wake up to one of his late-night Snapchats. She also realized that if she wanted to bring him to the wedding, she’d need to get comfortable with him knowing more of her and integrating into the friend group. She knew Charlie and Morgan saw the best in her and would never have gossiped to Pete about what happened with Ryan whenever they hung out in Boston. A double date with friends Avery trusted would allow her to dip her toes into mixing Pete in with everyone else. She had less than six months to get comfortable with that, if she wanted to bring him as her plus-one in August.
ok let’s do it,she texted. what about karaoke? Planet Rose?Avery smiled to herself as she remembered preteen Pete singing and playing guitar on his Instagram video. She’d love to watch him sing like that in person, all uninhibited and carefree.
Yessss!!!!Morgan replied with a string of heart-eye emojis.
Avery closed her fridge and opened a new text to Pete. Their last conversation was a debate over what happened to Tony in the finale ofThe Sopranos.(Pete said he was clearly killed; Avery believed it wasn’t as obvious as people thought, even if it was true. They concluded that they’d do a series rewatch soon to confirm the clues together.)
She sent him a text.wanna do karaoke with Charlie and Morgan at Planet Rose? when are you free?
Her phone buzzed ten minutes later.I’ll actually finally be free Thurs. Sorry it’s been insane at work but Thursdays are usually my slower day.
that’s ok! no shame in getting that bread
You know it. I miss you though.
Avery held her phone to her heart, which had melted into a puddle. Then she darted her eyes left and right, embarrassed, like someone had caught her.
i might miss you a little bit too,she texted back. MIGHT. key word
Haha. Avery. You’re impossible.
