Page 43 of She Used to Be Nice
She looked around wildly, put her hand on her heart to steady her erratic breathing. This sweaty, crowded room was shapeshifting.…
She was in a basement. The basement of that party senior year.
The walls were covered in discarded boxes of beer, the different labels distorting like in a fun house, closing around her menacingly. The floors were sticky with who knew what, so sticky she couldn’t move, quicksand sucking her under. The music was so loud she couldn’t hear herself think, the bass bumping inside her and hollowing her out. The—
She jerked her head to the left. Did someone just pull her arm? She blinked once, twice, three times, but her vision kept darkening, kept blurring. Sweat pricked her scalp and back. She couldn’t breathe or speak, couldn’t stop her arm from being pulled away, upstairs …
She grabbed Morgan’s wrist with clammy hands. “I need to pee!”
“What?” Morgan shouted back.
Avery shoved Morgan through the oblivious crowd toward a two-stall bathroom. She sat on the graffiti-covered toilet and buried her face in her hands as she waited for the memories to go back into the little box inside her brain where she’d locked them away. The sweat on her body slowly evaporated, her skin becoming cool to the touch. She inhaled a shaky deep breath, trying to get her heart rate to slow, trying to remember she wasn’t with Noah. That he wasn’t here.
She was safe. She was safe. She was safe.
Her phone buzzed. With trembling hands she fished through her purse to find it.
The screen lit up with a text from Pete.Hey you. What are you up to tonight?
Relief rushed through Avery’s body like a flood. What perfect timing. Sex was just what she needed, just the thing that would help her feel in control again.
She checked the time. It was 11:00PM. Was this a booty call? Generally, if a guy texted you after midnight, it was widely accepted to be a booty call, but between 10:30 and midnight was vague. Some people may not have left their apartments yet. To them, their night hadn’t even started. But Avery was drunk and desperate to feel better and thrilled by the prospect of seeing Pete again, so she decided that yes, he was giving her a booty call. And she was proud of him. He finally understood that she was only capable of giving him sex, and now she’d be able to enjoy his company while keeping an emotional distance.
i’m at Ace Bar. let’s hang later?she typed back. If she wanted to hook up somewhere that wasn’t a disgusting bathroom, she had no choice but to invite him over.my place,she added with her address.
She put her phone back in her purse and exited the stall, calmer now. Morgan stood outside the bathroom near the increasingly crowded dance floor, where the artificial smell of makeup and cologne mixed with the earthy odor of perspiration and wood. Morgan’s face lit up when she spotted Avery.
“I’m having so much fun!” she shouted over the music, her alcohol-tinged breath sharp in Avery’s ear. “I looooove you!”
Morgan never got this drunk. It was cute.
“I love you, too!” Avery said. “How are you feeling?”
Morgan yawned. Her mascara was smeared around her eyelids. “Sleepy.”
“Yeah? Wanna get out of here?”
Morgan nodded loosely, like a bobblehead. Avery led her outside, sidestepping an entire discarded takeout meal squished into the concrete, and hailed one of the yellow cabs zipping down Avenue B. Once Avery ushered Morgan into the backseat and the two of them were settled, Morgan zipped off her booties and flung them to the floor.
“Whoops!” she said with a giggle.
Avery laughed as she grabbed Morgan’s shoes. “I got these for you, don’t worry.” Drunk, adorable Morgan rested her head on Avery’s shoulder while Avery shot a quick text to Pete:be home in 30 min
“I’msoglad I’m getting married,” Morgan slurred.
Avery patted Morgan’s head like she was a sweet little toddler who’d done a good job. “I’m glad you are, too! You’re gonna be such a beautiful bride.”
Avery’s phone buzzed with Pete’s reply.Sounds good
Morgan’s head lolled backward on Avery’s shoulder as the cab made its bumpy way through the East Village. “Oh,stop.You’re the bestest friend in the whole world. But really, I am, like,sohappy I don’t have to deal with men anymore. That bar was so … crowded! The guys were so … disgusting! Sweaty and loud and pounding their chests like gor—” Morgan hiccupped. “Sorry. Gorillas. How can you actually talk to anyone in there? It reminded me of parties at Woodford. Oh my God. Everyone just scream—”Hiccup. “Screaming and bumping into each other and who’s going upstairs with who. So dumb! So … dumb …”
Avery focused on the blur of the storefronts and streetlights through the cab window, her stomach in her throat. “Yes,” she said. “Very dumb.”
Gentle snores purred from Morgan’s mouth. The cab dropped her off first before heading farther uptown to Avery’s apartment. Once Pete arrived a few minutes later, Avery buzzed him up and pressed her lips to his without a word, the kiss like a button that turned off her brain.
Avery and Pete woke up in her bedroom the next morning spooning, their legs entwined in layers of bed sheets. She couldn’t believe she’d fallen asleep cuddling. She normally hated the way sweat collected under every fold of her skin, the way a guy’s arms crushed her in an uncomfortable wrestling hold. She never got enough surface area on the pillow either, because guys’ heads were always twice the size of hers. Relaxing enough to pass out was usually impossible.
Avery untangled herself from under Pete’s grip and studied his face. He looked handsome and peaceful in her bed, his lips partedslightly and wavy hair tousled across her pillow. She padded barefoot to the bathroom to splash water on her face, feeling her hangover in the marrow of her bones. She needed to guzzle a whole bottle of Advil if she was going to make the Kleinfeld appointment with Morgan later this afternoon.
