Page 30 of She Used to Be Nice
Morgan gave Avery a hug, holding her in a long embrace. Avery felt immensely satisfied with herself, with the gift, with how well she was keeping it together around these ghosts of her pastlife. All she needed to do was maintain her composure until the end of the night and then in each wedding event after this one, and in seven months it would be August and this all would be over. She could do this.
A burst of laughter came from the corner of the restaurant, where a group of Woodford people had gathered near the buffet. Avery tightened her grip on her whiskey.
“Come on,” Morgan said, nodding toward the group. “Let’s at least try to mingle.”
Avery pressed her mouth into a straight line. “I’m good here.”
“Please? I know it’s uncomfortable, but just for a sec. Then you can go. I promise.”
Avery sighed, acquiesced with a brisk nod. She held onto her whiskey like a life raft and shuffled slowly behind Morgan, trying not to draw attention to herself as they approached their friends and stood side by side in an opening next to Charlie.
Viraj shifted his eyes toward Avery, then looked away immediately.
“Charlie, you hitting the gym, kid?” Parker asked as he squeezed Charlie’s bicep.
“If by ‘hitting the gym’ you mean ‘eating pizza,’ then yes,” Charlie said. He gave Avery a small smile. “’Sup, Avery?”
Viraj continued looking away. Emma crossed her legs and stared down at the ground while Parker coughed into his arm. This was brutal. Avery thought she could spend the rest of her life hating herself enough for all of them, but evidently that wouldn’t come close to how much they hated her on their own.
“Hey, Charlie,” Avery muttered. At least she had him.
Morgan rubbed Charlie’s stomach affectionately and took the wheel on the halted conversation. “We’re trying to cut back on pizza when we go out, but the late-night slices here are too enticing.”
“They’re on every corner and they cost a dollar!” Charlie exclaimed. “It’s like they strategically placed these pizza shops by the best bars.”
Morgan put her arm around Avery, encouraging her. “Avery, remember when you were so drunk you asked that pizza guy in the Lower East Side if he had pizza with sushi on top?”
Avery offered a tiny shrug. “I remember.”
Morgan laughed a bit too loudly. “I wish I’d recorded that conversation. You literally fought him when he said it wasn’t a thing.”
Avery wasn’t sure where to focus her attention. Her old friends had no interest in acknowledging that she was in the circle, let alone that she was now the subject of a story beingtoldin the circle, especially a story that made a joke out of how much she drank. Avery’s drinking wasn’t amusing to people who thought it made her cheat on one of their best friends.
“Yeah, that was funny,” Avery muttered.
“It wasn’t just funny! It was hysterical!” Morgan laughed again, in a deranged way. This poor girl was trying so hard to make Avery comfortable. Avery didn’t know whether to hug her or relieve her by running away.
Parker responded by coughing again. Then Viraj walked away and left a giant, obvious gaping hole. The tension in the group was heavy, pressing down onto Avery’s chest and making it hard to breathe. Morgan’s arm was still around Avery, too, which only suffocated her more.
“Well, nowI’mcraving pizza,” someone said.
Avery’s body stiffened. Noah.
He had materialized from thin air like a fucking hologram. Avery was never letting her guard down again, not for a second. She gulped down her whiskey until her glass was nearly empty, and soon everyone started debating whether late night pizza at school was as good as New York pizza. But Avery couldn’t focus. All she could do was hold her breath. Noah’s musky cologne was way too strong tonight, stronger than it was when they had dinner with Morgan and Charlie at The Spaniard, stronger than it was that night senior year. Her stomach twisted, tight like a wet towel wrung bone dry.
“Speaking of late night, did you guys hear about that sophomore who stole ten buckets of cheese fries and got caught by a cop?” Emma said, her voice hushed with juicy gossip. “He told her he wouldn’t get her in trouble if she blew him.”
Charlie cringed. “Yikes.”
“Iknow,” Emma replied.
“That’s awful,” Morgan said. She turned to Avery. “Isn’t that awful?”
Avery held her breath again. “Awful,” she managed to squeak through her closed airways. This whole night. This whole wedding. Awful. She exhaled quickly, then held her breath once more so the foul musk of Noah’s cologne wouldn’t attack her senses. She would do this all night if she had to, if it would stop the memories from coming up like vomit.
Emma winced. “And apparently she did it.”
“No!” Morgan cried.
