Page 28 of She Used to Be Nice
Avery’s heart sank. She’d led them on enough; she didn’t want to be even more of an asshole for putting up a fight. “Okay, sure. Thanks.”
Pete drove Avery to the ferry. He tried to make conversation but she gave him clipped, one-word answers and claimed she was tired, then turned on the radio to let the chipper voice of a Z100 host fill the air. She leaned her elbow on the windowsill and stared out into the street, watching blurred images of buildings and cars zoom past in a blend of bright lights and colors. She caught her reflection in the side mirror and glanced away, disgusted with herself. She knew she shouldn’t have come here. Pete didn’t deserve to be with someone who could hurt him the way Avery hurt Ryan. She was helping Pete out by leaving. Eventually he’d find someone with less of a past. Someone better.
Pete pulled into the terminal and put the car in park, cutting the radio abruptly. The silence pierced through the still night air. Avery reached for the passenger car door and gripped the handle, half waiting for him to say something, half ready to bolt.
“So, I guess we skipped right to meeting the parents,” he said with a playful lilt.
Avery returned a joyless grin. “I guess so.”
“Seems like things are getting pretty serious between us now, huh?”
Avery closed her eyes. The more he tried to crack her with his jokes, the more she fortified her walls, which made her feel even guiltier for letting the night go this far in the first place. Without responding, she went to open the door, but then Pete put his hand on her shoulder.
“Avery, wait.”
Avery glanced at his hand, felt the heat of it through her sweater and jacket. She inhaled through her nose, savoring his touch one last time before disappearing from his life forever.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about my parents,” he said with a sigh. “I thought they’d be out all night.”
Pete took his hand off her shoulder. The loss of physical contact made Avery ache with longing. She was still inside his car and already she missed him. How much pining would she do when she left? She couldn’t handle any more emptiness, when she already felt like such a husk of her former self. That night with Noah had taken everything from her, and the only way she could stop it from taking more was to keep everyone at a distance. Because if she didn’t gain anything else, she had nothing else that she could lose. Because if you never knew what happiness was, you couldn’t know what you were missing without it. She never wanted to see Pete ever again.
“I was also embarrassed about it, to be honest,” Pete continued, so soft it was almost a whisper. “I mean, I’m twenty-three, and I still sleep in my childhood bedroom. It’s not exactly very attractive.”
Avery didn’t care that Pete lived with his parents. It was pretty responsible, actually, considering the astronomical cost of living in New York City. Pete was responsible. He was funny. Charming. The best sex she’d ever had. And way too good for her. This was for the best.
“It’s fine,” Avery said. “Really.”
She got out of the car and closed the door before Pete could say anything else, before she could trick herself into thinking she was enough for him, that what Noah did to her didn’t break her beyond recognition. On the ferry back to Manhattan, she swiped through her dating apps and fired off messages until someone invited her over. She dragged whoever he was to his bedroom and didn’t let him ask her a single question, just let him use her for her body like all the others, her flesh like armor keeping her battered heart safe.
9
AVERY SPENT THE NEXTmonth distracting herself from reaching out to Pete—and from the fact that he hadn’t exactly reached out to her either—by throwing herself into planning Morgan and Charlie’s engagement party at Sel Rrose. She helped Morgan curate a guest list and menu, and arrived early to the restaurant on the day of the party to help set up the decorations and trays of Puerto Rican food that her mom and aunts made. Now, dusty pink candles were scattered on all the tables along the walls, a gold “Charlie & Morgan” banner hung from the bar, and a white gift box was placed next to the front door. This, Avery thought as she arranged a bouquet of white roses in a vase near the buffet, was where she needed to direct her attention. On her best friend’s wedding. Not on a guy whose life would be better without her. And luckily he’d become irrelevant before either of their feelings deepened or before she could even consider bringing him as a plus-one to Morgan and Charlie’s wedding. Maybe Ryan wouldn’t come to the wedding either, so then it wouldn’t matter if Avery had a date anyway. This was all working out perfectly. Good riddance, Pete.
Morgan flitted by in her white lace knee-length dress and nude heels, and Avery flashed her most genuine attempt at a smile. Tonight was important. It was Morgan and Charlie’s first official wedding event with their most beloved friends and family, whichincluded all the people from Woodford that Avery hadn’t seen or heard from since graduation. Her plan was to keep a low profile and not be too visible, maybe give a brief hello but spend most of the night hanging out with Morgan’s family.
This plan would also, ideally, help her hide from Noah.
Who would be coming tonight as well.
“You look stunning,” Avery said to Morgan in her attempt to take her mind off him, though her body remained on edge. The moment she arrived at Sel Rrose, she buzzed with fight-or-flight adrenaline, her heart jolting and throat tightening at the sight of any broad-shouldered blond man or whiff of cologne reminiscent of Noah’s. She felt like an exposed nerve, sensitive to the tiniest of stimuli. This engagement party felt like a test, one she should’ve studied for but didn’t, leaving her hovering panic-stricken over a blank sheet of paper. It was one thing to be ambushed by Noah’s presence at that first dinner a few months ago—she could forgive herself for acting strange under that circumstance—but theoretically she’d had time to prepare for tonight. From this point forward, it was crucial that she keep it together, despite having no idea how.
“Doesn’t she?” Charlie said, adjusting the sleeves of his white button-down shirt. He wrapped his arm around Morgan’s waist and kissed the side of her head. “She’s way out of my league.”
Morgan smacked Charlie playfully across the chest. “I am not!”
Avery touched her own hair. She’d tried to straighten it, but it frizzed up on the way over to the party and looked like shit now. But she kept her mood light. “I don’t know, Morgan. He might be right.” She swept her eyes over the room. There was, thankfully, no sign of Noah yet. “Look at your hair. It’s so shimmery. And Charlie, your hair is, well …”
Charlie dangled a piece of sliced prosciutto into his mouth. “Covered in prosciutto grease.”
Avery laughed. “Precisely.”
“You’re both ridiculous,” Morgan said with an eye roll.
Morgan spotted her parents across the restaurant by the windows looking out at the street and waved them over to say hello. Avery loved Joe and Gabriela Feeley. Morgan was an only child, so they often referred to Avery as their “other daughter” and invited her to spend the summer at their house in Rhode Island whenever she wanted. Avery always had a great time with the Feeleys up in Westerly. The house was Morgan’s dad’s childhood home near the beach and had been in the family for almost two centuries. While there, Avery and Morgan would spend the whole day out by the ocean, and at night they’d stay up late talking on the wraparound porch, bundled up in gray sweatshirts while the salty breeze tickled their faces. She hugged Morgan’s parents, grateful for the distraction from searching for Noah again.
Moments later, someone shrieked at the front door. Avery recognized the screeching sound. It belonged to Emma Smith, a bridesmaid and one of Avery’s ex-best friends, who was now running toward Morgan in a fit of giggles and flinging her arms around Morgan’s neck. The two of them jumped up and down in a tight hug, Emma’s California-boho jewelry clanking as it smacked against her body.
Avery headed to the buffet and shoved a croquette in her mouth, keeping her distance.
