Page 90 of Creed
“It’s certainly a possibility.”
“I feel like I’m barely keeping it together.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I know all of this is hard, and Brian certainly doesn’t make it any easier. But you aren’t alone in this. We’re here, and we’ll do whatever we can to help.”
“I don’t want to drag you into this.”
“You’re my daughter, Devin. I’m already in it.”
“This is so bad. I can’t imagine what Jameson is going through right now. I know he’s terrified he’ll lose the club and everything he’s worked for.”
“He won’t.”
“But what if he does? And what if Brian actually tries to take the kids from me?”
“That’s not going to happen,” Mom replied with such confidence that I wanted to believe her. “You’re going to have to stop with all the what-ifs and face this thing head-on.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
I brought my knees up to my chest and sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I do.”
“Then you have to trust him until he gives you a reason not to.”
“I hate this.” My voice was barely there. “What if I’m the reason he loses everything?”
“And what if you’re the reason he doesn’t? Either way, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him what’s going on with Brian, and you need to give him a chance to explain what’s going on with the club and these allegations.”
“You’re right. I’ll call him.”
“Good… And Devin?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you. No matter what happens, remember that.”
“Thanks, Mom.” My voice cracked again. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I ended the call, and I just sat there, holding the phone to my chest. I took a moment to collect myself before dialing his number. I let it ring several times, and when he didn’t answer. I left him a message saying that we needed to talk.
I wasn’t really expecting a response. At least, not right away. If he was available, he would’ve answered when I called. I wasn’t sure how long it would be before he got back to me, so I distracted myself with the pile of work on my desk. I graded a few papers and worked on my class PowerPoint before making my way to my next class.
My lecture went better than expected. The kids took interest in the lesson and even asked questions. It helped to ease some of the haze, but it was still there, simmering under the surface. I packed up my things, and on my way to the car, I kept repeating the same thing over and over.
It’s going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
I really wanted to believe it. I’d waited so long to get back to a place where I truly felt happy and content, and it terrified me to think I might lose it. It was that fear that had me feeling lost in a way I couldn’t begin to describe. I barely knew who I was, much less where I was going.
