Page 98 of Cara
She grabs my arms, clothes, and hair, examining me thoroughly. “You’re alive.”
You’re alive.
A blow. A reminder of what my father is capable of doing to those who love me. They’ve all been mourning for the past year. Even as they hold back their words, I notice the disbelief etched on their faces when I speak, as if they aren’t sure this is really happening.
“I'm fine,” I lie. “I'm good. I'm okay.”
“And you’re back?”
There’s no mistaking the hope behind those words.
Xavier’s smile softens when I voice my answer.
“Zeke, I left the tins in the car. Go get them for me, will you?”
Dante waves off his friend, pulling out a box of cigarettes. “I’ll go, Court. I’ll go.”
Zeke and Delli trail behind him after searching the couch cushions for a lighter, making room in the small, wonderfully chaotic apartment. Bo left hours ago, hurrying home to have dinner with his girlfriend. To combat the sweltering New York heatwave, all the windows are slightly opened, allowing a faint breeze. Mimi is in the kitchen, assigning tasks to Xavier.
A smile creeps across my lips as I imagine how Arturo Marcello would react to seeing his golden child packing leftovers and wiping down counters. He would’ve despised all this. The easy laughter. The casual conversation. The sheer lack of Italians in this room. Oh, he would have hated it. Hewould have told Xavier to get his ass to the streets, and there would’ve been no choice in the matter.
To think he’s gone—that he’ll never be able to assert that kind of power again—I let out the breath I instinctively hold when I remember his face. He had no idea who his son was, how beautifully normal he wanted to be.
From the kitchen, Xavier gives me an enchanting smile, aware he can read my gaze as I admire him, finding him irresistibly appealing in this moment. Completely genuine, not the stern businessman he’s been conditioned to be throughout his life.
“He can’t keep his eyes off of you.” Courtney rounds the couch, her movements less agile than when I saw her last. “Gosh, do you remember your engagement party? You came back so convinced he didn’t want anything to do with you.”
“He did a terrible job convincing me that night.”
“I canhearyou,” Xavier says, his eyes still focused on his hands in the sink.
“I’ve heard the stories from Dante,” Mimi inserts bravely, grinning. “You basically insulted her half the night. He said it was a complete failure.”
Fearless, she remains completely unbothered when Xavier narrows his eyes. “Remind me to kill him.”
“I wouldn’t say completely,” Courtney interjects, cutting the lightness with just a few words. “He went against his papa to help you.”
And it wasn’t the last time he would do that.
That singular thought filters through the living room, undoubtedly infiltrating everyone’s mind, not just my own. Xavier doesn’t look up or acknowledge his heroism at all. My chest feels tight as I nod, glancing down at the hand Courtney lays on mine.
Enjoying task-setting on the Capo dei Capi, Mimi sends Xavier to the bedroom with bundles of storage boxes.
For the first time tonight, I find myself alone with the woman who has always been my confidant when my life was going thoroughly to shit.
“Tell me everything,” she says.
Nestled in the sagging couch cushions, wrapped in the warmth of her presence, my pain pours out, each word more complicated than the last—a chaotic stream of thoughts.
I’m trapped in the emptiness of roaming the cobblestone streets of Madrid, my very being a gaping wound left to fester. And how that wound transformed into a suffocating rage I couldn’t handle most days.
What came next was not even what I could have imagined. Victoria. Iceland. That filthy compound.
Blood and fists andrelease.
I see how much I’ve changed in her eyes, as she understands what it took to survive what has been done to me. My heart will never heal fully. I just have to live with the broken pieces, striving each damn day to hold them all together.
What happened will never leave me.
