Page 64 of Possessed By You
“You spiked a fever just two hours ago and threw up more than I believe is normal for a person of your size. You are not to move from this bed until the doctor gets in tomorrow.”
She rests a hand on my forehead, making a face of disapproval. I’m getting it from all sides today.
“I have to take a shower, Doris.”
“I have a washcloth.”
I’m boiling and want to be left alone.
“Don’t give me that look. God, you’re stubborn when you’re sick.”
“Please, Doris. My hair is sticking to my face. I don’t want Benjamin to see me like this.”
“There’s a good chance it will look like this anyway.”
“Please.”
She eventually gives in and helps me out of bed. In the bathroom, I hesitate briefly before stripping. I climb into the water, knowing it’s lukewarm, but to me, it’s as if I’ve plunged into a frozen lake. I wrap my arms around myself and try to endure it.
Doris helps me wash. Her fingers lightly touch my scars, and my spine snaps straight. She notices my unease and removes her hand, continuing.
I stare at the water, reveling in my own pity.
“You’ve had it pretty rough, rougher than most,” she finally says.
“It never stops. The blows keep coming.”
“It won’t always be like this, darling.”
“I don’t understand how one minute she could be completely fine, and the next minute, I’m empty and she’s just…gone. I don’t get it.”
“Honey, this is going to take time to process and heal from. Everyone knows how hard this has to be for you. Talk to Benjamin. Take comfort from him.”
“I can’t talk to Benjamin about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because he didn’t want her. The last moment I had with her was in a fight with him, when he told me he was playing the role of excited father to make me happy. I can’t talk to him and hear him speak like he wanted our baby.”
“I got a call today from a department store just outside of the city. They had received an order for items purchased by Benjamin and were trying to reach him to confirm the address for shipping.”
“What items?” I ask, hope ringing through the question.
“A crib, a changing table, toys…” She nods when my face falls. “He was furnishing a nursery.”
Delirious and exhausted, my eyes burn with tears. I don’t want to cry anymore. She lets the news sink in and allows me some time to grieve.
“Benjamin’s spent his entire life alone, Darcy. I know this. I worked with him. He never received love from his parents, and his siblings all have their own problems. He has no real aspect of family. You are the one person he’s latched himself to in every way. He choseyoufor his family. He’s not going to want to risk that for anything, even for a baby.”
She massages shampoo into my hair gently. “I think you both are going through something, something completely different. I don’t think it’s that Benjamin doesn’t want a child…I don’t think he believes heshouldhave one.”
He’s said that before.
“Besides, a man doesn’t buy out a toy store unless he wants a baby. I’ve seen enough life to tell you that.”
She kisses my cheek maternally.
“Talk to him, darling.”
