Page 95 of Possessed By You
This tiny, completely perfect baby is more Benjamin than me. With his chin, the roundness of his eyes, the fairness of his skin, I see his father in him. He has my nose, my shape of fingernails that are so small. He’s pink and fragile, his eyes closed in slumber. He has wisps of dark hair, a reflection of both of us.
I’m sure of perfection looking upon him.
“Oh my god,” I whisper, struck by delight. I look at Benjamin tearfully. “We made this.”
He nods, as enthralled by the baby as I am.
“I want to see you hold him,” I say, my voice cracking. I refuse to cry. I hold my arms out carefully, offering our child to my husband. “It’s been all I could dream about. You holding him.”
Our baby looks even smaller in Benjamin’s grasp, not even taking up his full forearm. Benjamin, such a large man, is gently cradling him to his chest, glancing at me to ensure he’s doing it right. When he cradles the back of his head, peering down at his child with a smile that could defeat all evil in this world, I’m truly more content than I’ve ever been in my life.
The sight of them together is all I’ll ever need.
“He’s so tiny,” Benjamin says disbelievingly.
“He looks just like you,” I say, softly petting the baby’s black curls.
“It’s so strange…you know…to see yourself in someone,” he says, kind of breathless. “I didn’t know I could feel this way.” He glances at me.
I nod, understanding him completely. “I know. I feel it too.”
“I’m scared. I want to be good…for him.”
I clasp Benjamin’s cheek and he tilts into my palm, shutting his eyes. “I have no fear.”
He inhales as our baby wraps his small fingers around one of his without opening his eyes. We look on with wonder, watching him breathe.
“We have to name him,” Benjamin whispers.
I hesitate before speaking, unsure what he’ll think of my suggestion. “What about…Daniel?”
Benjamin’s head snaps up, his eyes wide for a moment at the mention of his twin, the brother he lost as a child to leukemia. I wanted a name that has meaning, and for some reason, we never discussed names. I always suspected he’d want Daniel.
“You…you don’t mind?”
I shake my head, gazing down at our boy. “Daniel seems right.”
When my eyes land back on my husband, I find him staring at me, looking just as unstable as I am. I’ve hardly ever seen him so utterly happy, so emotional. He leans slightly, meeting me halfway, and we kiss softly, slowly, the product of our love between us.
I caress his face, wiping his tears.
“I love you,” he whispers against my lips. “God, I do.”
