Page 30 of Possessed By You
“It’s happening, though.”
“I’m aware of that. I’m just stating the fucking obvious,” he snaps, standing up. We’re both keeping each other at arm’s length, and he furthers the distance, walking to the other side of the room. “Aren’t you on birth control?”
“The baby was most likely conceived on that first time after I started taking it. The dates match up, and the doctor said the waiting period between taking it might have not been finished. There’s no way to know. I got back on it a few weeks after I got out of…of…”
I can’t even say the word.
Saying it would only remind me that this baby is going to be born from an ex-convict.
He remains silent, in his thoughts.
“I’m sorry, Benjamin.”
“Your menstruation? Two months? How did you not know?”
“I’m not always regular. Still, I had forgotten.” I close my eyes. “It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d still be pregnant even if I’d noticed earlier. Are you seriously going to be like this?”
“I’m sorry. I told you my thoughts on children, Darcy, which is why this is a little hard to swallow. I’d like to be the guy who cries and shouts this from rooftops, but that’s not me.”
“Good to know.”
His eyes slant, his face hardening like mine. “We’re not getting anywhere here.”
“And whose fault is that?”
He chuckles wryly, facing the window. “Jesus.”
“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this right now either. And I expected you to be shocked, and even upset, but I didn’t expect this.”
“This?”
“Yes. In that tub, I saw an expression on your face that I hoped I’d never see again. The first time we slept together, you had that look in your eyes, and it’s back. The idea that you and I are having ababytogether has made you like this, and that breaks my heart.”
He closes his eyes, maybe to hide them from me, to keep me from seeing more.
My cheeks burn from my hot tears. “Look, I’m sorry this has happened and that you don’t want it, but I’m keeping this baby. No matter what it does to me, or to us, I’m keeping it. You can either find a fucking way to accept this or I can go, but I’ll be damned if you bring me down anymore.”
“Darcy, stop,” he breathes when I open the door to our bedroom on my way out.
I refuse to let him witness my pain. I shut the door behind me.
***
I should have known he’d react this way.
I curl my body underneath the covers, unable to find warmth in the guest room. Benjamin is somewhere else in the apartment, or maybe he’s gone out. I haven’t checked to find out.
I slide my fingers over the fabric covering my flat stomach, while reality washes over me, granting me clarification and understanding for the first time since I was given the news.
There’s a baby inside of me.
A baby.
She’s going to depend on me. I think want it to be a “she.”
I need to get my shit together. I need to grow up to ensure this child receives the life I wanted and didn’t receive. Whether she has a mother or a mother and a father in her life, she will find happiness. It’s daunting how quickly maternal instinct has taken ahold of me, how real this has all suddenly become.
There’s a tap on the door, then another, and I stiffen. When I don’t beckon him in, Benjamin takes it upon himself to open the door. I can see him in the dark, the moon illuminating his shadow. I don’t say anything when he passes the threshold or when he places his hands underneath me. Neither do I say anything when he lifts me up into his arms and carries me out of the guest room.
