Page 78 of Mariposa
“You resent what?” I grit out through clenched teeth. My eyes water as I stare at the beer bottle. She hates it when I drink, but I think after fighting for my life and seeing the horrors of war less than forty-eight hours ago and thenreturning to find my son and wife's things gone from our home, I needed one.
I grab it while I feel her eyes burn through me. She needs to finish her sentence. Even if the truth hurts, I need to know.
“I think you already know,” she tells me as she clutches her car keys.
I swallow, my tight throat over the hard rock that settles into my flesh without my permission.
“Say it, Penny.” I quirk a brow and lock my lips. I open my legs wider, planting my boots onto the floor like I’m about to stand.
I force a dead smile, and she frowns harder. I place my elbows on my dining table, wave my hand in front of me, and the beer bottle sways.
“What do you resent, my love?” I clear my throat before I crumble. Men don’t cry. Man the fuck up. We don’t cry. I can hear my father’s words in the back of my head. The same ones he would tell me before he’d beat the shit out of me.
Penny watches me with an intense gaze. I know her too well at this point, and my now ex-wife has never bitten her tongue, and I know this is going to hurt more than I’ll ever let her know.
"I resent you, Kade. I never want to wait for a man to come back home again. My son deserves a father who’s present. You are always gone! During your absence, I've fallen out of love with you! I couldn’t take it anymore. I only stayed with you because I had nowhere else to go. Not because I loved you.” She pauses again as she brushes her knuckles across her tear-streaked face. “And for what? For you to miss five out of his seven birthdays? For me to spend almost every Christmas and anniversary alone because you keep deploying?”
“This is my?—”
“For me to spend nights thinking about what my life could have been if I had chosen to leave you after high school instead of marrying you?”
“This is my job! I’m a special operator—a soldier who would give up my life for my family. I’ve almost lost it far too many times for me to count already, and you’re throwing it in my face?”
Penny’s entire body trembles, and her hands are inside her hair like she wants to tear her ears off.
“I don’t like your job! I don’t love you. Don’t you fucking get it? I hate that I wasted the past seven years with you. You are a shitty father!”
“Don’t you dare say that to me? I love my son, and I love you! Whenever I’m home, I spend every second I can with you and him. I’m away because this is my way to provide for you and our boy. I’ve been caring for you and him…so that you guys have everything you need. Don’t you think it kills me not to be home with you and him? Every night, you are the ones I think about right before I fall asleep. You guys are my reason to fight like hell to come back home. I-I…”
“I fucked him.” Penny paces around in a circle like she’s ashamed of herself…or tired of holding her secret.
My heart shatters.
"What? Who?”
"I think you heard me."
“Dammit, Penny! Who?” I bang my fist on the table as I shout. My emotions are getting the better of me. I suck in a breath and clench my jaw.
An eerie pause hangs between us as I recollect myself. Her brown eyes never leave my body, but I can tell she’s satisfied with herself.
“It doesn’t matter,” she scoffs. I meet her gaze, and she smiles. She’s smiling, and I’m fucking broken.
Of course, she won’t tell me.
“You’re right. I guess you don’t owe the man you promised to love until death do us part, an explanation, right?”
Every time I’ve come back home recently, she’s been distant.
"I don't love you anymore, Kade. Honestly, I don’t think I ever have. Thank you for giving me my son. But I regret wasting these years waiting on you to return home, and now?" She walks to the front door, drags her purse over her shoulder, and shakes her head before stepping out.
“I don't have to anymore. Take care of yourself. But I will not let you see Adam anytime soon.”
“Penny. He’s my son! You can’t do that to me! To him, most importantly. I’m his father. He’s my boy.” I stand with a strangled growl.
“I can do what's best for him, and I think keeping you away from him will bring more stability to his life.”
“Don't take him away from me,” I beg, searching for mercy. I know she doesn’t want to grant me anything. She keeps walking away. She takes slow steps to the door while I stay put—the sun through the shades of my front window glints against my wedding band.
