Page 66 of Mariposa
“You don’t need to know,” I shoot back, trying to calm the fire in my heart.
“You shouldn’t go because of me. No one should be alone on Christmas. I’ll stay away from you for the rest of the night.”
“That’s exactly what I don’t want, don’t you get it?”
A rock forms in my throat, and the wall I’ve put up since joining the military comes back to haunt me. Even in the dark, his eyes gleam with cursed emotions.
I can’t tell if he’s in agony like I am or if he’s upset that I’m here.
“I like you, Kade.”
He stiffens as if I struck him. He furrows his dark brows and sighs. The scent of his cologne entraps me further. It isn’t fair how he can attract me without even trying.
Is he going to say something?
He steps back like being around me is such a bad thing.
“I like you,” I repeat, shrugging my shoulders. “I haven’t stopped thinking of that night. In fact, I think about it too much, and I hate myself for it. I can’t be around you. Our jobs. Our situation. Adam is your son…and Penny?” His shoulders sink, and he takes a step back. My skin already yearns for his flesh to return to mine.
My head moves from side to side vehemently.
“Violet.” He straightens his back. He’s back to being an unreadable force, and I hate it. “That night was never supposed to happen. Do you understand?”
He tilts my chin up with two of his fingers, forcing me to meet his darkened gaze. My lips tremble as his jaw ticks on and off. Heshatters my heart as I finally get the answer that’s been echoing in my head like a curse.
“You regret that night?” I murmur as my eyebrows raise.
He runs a hand through his beard like he’s trying to check out of this conversation mentally. The lights from the living room Christmas tree flash against his mesmerizing face. He turns away from me and watches Kirk flip a steak with tongs on the grill, oblivious. He follows up with a swig of beer. Then Kade turns back to me with an expression cold as ice.
“It was wrong.” I watch his Adam’s apple roll. “It was never supposed to happen. We were both reckless that night. I can’t.”
“But it did happen. I wanted it. You wanted it. There’s something between us, and you know it.”
“I’m thirty-eight, Violet. I’m seventeen years older than you.”
“What the hell does that matter?” I retort.
“Trust me, Violet. You don’t want to let me in. I can’t let myself have you…you’ll regret it. There’s a whole list of reasons why we won’t work, and one of them is that I’m an emotionless bastard who will only end up disappointing you,” he warns me in a cold tone like he’s trying to scare me away.
I reach for his face, but he pulls back.
The corners of my lip fall with my heart.
“Do you really regret that night?”
“You don’t want to know the answer to that. That night was the first and last time I’ll ever touch you.” He looks at me like we’re strangers.
My chin wobbles.
“Say it, Kade. Tell me this is all in my head?”
The harsh lines of his face deepen.
“You’re a regret. A moment of weakness. It’s all in your head.”
Rearing back, shocked by his words, my chest tightens, and my heart splinters.
He’s so emotionless. This is the side of Kade that the military and every soldier have warned me about. My hand falls to my side as I blink rapidly.
