Page 57 of Mariposa
“This moment of being just a guy on the beach and just a girl on the beach is over.”
I text Penny back. We go back and forth until she convinces me to stop by her place before my leave of absence is over to celebrate. Every year since Adam and I started dating, I’ve made a blueberry pie with them from scratch for dessert for my birthday celebrations. Cooking has always brought me joy. I blame my grandma for getting me into it. What can I say? Food is the fastest way to my heart.
“Here’s a freshly baked flan,abuelita, with a glass of milk.”
I place her plate of dessert on her hospital tray. She lifts her fork with shaky, bruised hands and scoops a bite. The utensil effortlessly cuts through the pastry, and my stomach growls.
I checked into a hotel before I arrived at my grandparents’ cozy home. I cooked up the flan on my own as fast as I could and then left for the hospital right before her visiting hours were over. My mother still wants nothing to do with me. I have no home to go to when I’m in Greenville, and I don’t want to stress my grandparents with the fragmented relationship I have with my mom and sister.
My grandfather had to run errands today. I haven’t seen him yet.
I sit down with an exhausted body, holding my own plate of flan, and go to town on an empty stomach. I hadn’t eaten anything on the drive, so the flan is hitting harder.
“Oh,mija. Just like I make it, it’s so good. Well done, Violetta,” she rasps, before scooping another bite. “My granddaughter is the best cook and now a soldier!” she exclaims while chewing.
I smile, content. As I continue to eat, I can’t help but think of Kade. Has he had flan before? Does he like it?
Why am I acting like this is my first time crushing on someone? Every time I do anything, I think of him.
Get it together, Violet.
“Who has you smiling like that? Did you finally say yes to Adam?” Grandma pries.
My eyes narrow at her question, freezing my movements.
“Did I say yes to Adam?” I parrot, confused, but then it hits me—the non-proposal ultimatum at the airport before I boarded my flight. “How do you know about that?”
She shrugs.
“He asked for my ring from your grandpa. He said he was going to propose to you at your graduation, but you told him not to go.”
It was her ring?!
God, she’s always been able to read me well. Sometimes, she knows my thoughts before I do.
I sigh, looking down at my half-eaten dessert. “Actually. We broke up and went our separate ways.” I tell her with a steady tone. “It’s pretty simple, actually. He doesn’t want to be with someone in the military, and at first, I was upset, but now that I’m back home and don’t have the stress of completing the course, I kind of understand where he’s coming from.”
After losing his father to missions and deployments, I can see why he would be hesitant to stay with me, because he had to watch his parents drift apart due to distance and time. My father was in the military too, but he had us when he was older, only a few years from retiring.
Adam and I were together for almost six years. That kind of history isn’t easy to let go of. A small part of me misses him, but the biggest part of me remembers the fight we had at the airport. He didn’t believe in me. Why would I stay with someone who holds me back and doesn’t push me to be better?
Isn’t that what love should be?
Shouldn’t it be about pushing each other until we’re the best versions of ourselves?
“I understand Adam’s side of things. Falling for someone in the military isn’t easy. When I fell for Graham, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I missed him so much that it felt like I was dying slowly every single day when he was at war.” She trails off, clutching her teddy bear tighter.
“Really? Then, if you felt that way towards him, why would you choose Grandpa Ramon?” I lift my fork with one hand as I ask.
“When we get to the end of the letters, I’ll tell you why. I will give you a hint, though.”
“Yes! Tell me!” I purse my lips together, still savoring the vanilla-flavored sweetness on my tongue.
“There was a bit of an age gap. He was older than I. I was nineteen—he was twenty-eight. No one approved of us being together,” she huffs, agitated.
“Oh, Grandma, who cares what people think?”
“Yeah, I know, but I had no one’s support or approval at the time. Not even from my parents or siblings. I couldn’t tell my friends for a long time because I knew what they would say, things like, I’m too young for him. It was a romance in secret.” She closes her eyes momentarily and pauses, breathing slowly as if in pain. Her IV bag is almost empty.
