Page 131 of Mariposa
Like it’s draining me.
It’s all in my head in a continuous loop.
Three minutes later, I’m on the rooftop…with the urge to jump. I’m at the balcony’s edge, staring at the street below. The tips of my boots point over the edge as cars drive by in the distance.
I just can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t have anyone to come back home to, and I made it that way to protect myself, but in the end, it hurts to have these fucking walls up.
I’m drunk.
I’m a monster with scars inside my mind and flesh. No one wants me. Who could love a broken man?
I throw the bottle to the ground and it shatters into little pieces.
“You’re a piece of shit!”
“You’re a monster!”
“You’re worthless!”
Words soldiers and my ex-wife have told me.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m falling over. I close my eyes and prepare for the ground to end my pain forever.
Suddenly, a rough palm grabs my hand, stopping me from meeting my doom. My chest connects with the building, making me grunt. I look up to meet my brother’s widened hazel eyes and open mouth.
“O’Connell, what the fuck!”
I grind my teeth and reach for the rooftop with my other hand.
“What’s wrong with you?!” he scorns, a scowl on his reddened face.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. One second I was standing, and the next I was falling.”
“Well, you’re fucking drunk, and I know the last mission fucked you up because it screwed with me, too, man, but killing yourself isn’t the way. It’s never the way. You matter, Kade. You fucking matter!”
“Shut the fuck up! I’m okay. Let me go, Booker! I can get myself up.”
“No!”
“Booker…” I growl.
“I know you’re having a bad fucking time right now, but it’s only a storm, and you will see the sun again. Don’t listen to that voice telling you no. You’ve got this! And if you don’t, I’m right here, brother. It’s okay to ask for help, because even if you feel hopeless, I’ll be here to remind you that you’re not alone.”
ONE MONTH AGO…
Booker saved my life that one night, and I couldn’t save his today. He’s dead, and now I’m on my way to be killed. Booker was not just a best friend, a teammate, a special operator—he was my brother. He’s the reason why I got to experience the precious butterfly that landed in my life and corrupted me for any other woman.
Violet imprisons my soul. I did what I had to do to ensure that my little mariposa gets to live out her life because she has so much light and stardust to spread into this cruel world.
I’m captured after suffering burns and shots all over my body. And yet, my heart still beats. My captors made sure to make it look like I was dead so they could transport me to The Surgeon. Now, I’m in the back of a vehicle with a black bag over my head, so I can barely breathe and see. I never knew I couldfeel pain like this; it’s foreign. I never thought I could reach another level of hell, but losing Shane Booker? Mariposa is my angel, but my best friend was the armor I needed when mine broke that day.
The car ride is bumpy and full of hatred. Another fist connects with my jaw, making my mouth fill with blood. I swallow the metallic tang down and lose myself in my head.
I can’t lose my little mariposa, too. All this time, I’ve been trying to teach her how to be unbreakable when she already is. Instead, she’s the one who taught me that my life had just begun when she laid eyes on me.
My hands are tied until blood is leaking down my wrists. They’ve been beating me with their guns and fists for hours, but I have a plan.
I’m not fucking finished yet.
