Page 130 of Mariposa
“No. Avery is here! He’s been spending time with him, giving him the attention that you won’t!”
“I’m his father! Not your new boyfriend! It’s not that I don’t want to, I can’t!”
“Won’t!” she retorts.
“You know I can’t. My job, I?—”
“Yeah, yeah. Save it. I left you because I can’t stand your job. I can’t stand you!”
“Penny…” My voice deepens.
She can’t keep doing this to me. I hadn’t realized how much she’s cutting me with her words until my vision blurs. I blink away the emotions because I want to break down, fall to my knees out of frustration and hopelessness.
Before she can spew more hateful remarks, the door opens, and her sister comes out. She glares and brushes her light brown hair behind her ear.
“It’s time to cut the cake, Pen.” She clears her throat and leaves.
“Okay, I’m coming now. Kade and I are finished talking,” Penny singsongs cruelly and sends a fiery expression my way. She walks into the house, her hand on the doorknob.
“Please let me see him.”
She slams the door in my face, and the sound of her locking the door comes right after. I breathe heavily and stare at the gift I made on the porch. She didn’t even bother to take it in.
Before I can feel, my hand stabs into my pocket until my phone is curled into my fingers, and I text while I walk to my motorcycle.
Me:
Booker, drinks on me tonight. Meet me at this place called El Devine. Should be back in North Carolina in four hours.
Booker:
I’m kind of busy today with my mom. I’m helping her fix her sink and air conditioning, then I’ll head out if I’m free.
I don’t respond.
After putting on my favorite black aviator sunglasses, I take off, revving the engine until vibrations are felt throughout my bones. I race out of her neighborhood, feeling the most depressed and defeated I have ever felt. I refuse to let myself drown in these emotions, though.
I just wanted to keep my family together and give my son a different outcome. I hated feeling like my father abandonedme. I hated feeling like I was nothing and not good enough to deserve anything good. I only wanted to hug my son today, and I couldn’t even do that.
The warm summer air whips through my hair as I grind my teeth. Tonight, I’m going to drink and drink until I don’t feel alone anymore.
I stumbleout of El Devine and walk into an illuminated, half-empty parking lot. There’s a full moon tonight with soft breezes that caress my skin. I drank too much while waiting for Booker. My eyes are heavy, my muscles feel weightless, and everything is blurry. Whiskey after whiskey after-fucking-whiskey until the urge to fall apart turned into a deep hole of numbness. I hold the beer in my hand as the world spins in circles. I find my bike and stare at it hesitantly. I know I can’t drive home like this.
I won’t.
My phone vibrates, I pull it out and take a swig of my Shiner.
Booker:
Be there in about ten minutes, brother.
Me:
Ok.
I tuck it back into my pocket and stare at the end of the street. I spot an abandoned tall building that seems to be around fifteen stories high. As the last mission plays back in my head, I bring the beer to my lips. The night before we all cameback home, Jim Gray, my teammate, shot himself in front of me and the rest of the team.
The blood. The pain in his eyes. The feeling of isolation drained him.
