Page 100 of The Depraved Prince
“I pray every night. Every night since I was a child, you would finally leave Santiago, choose us, or choose yourself and chase a true happily ever after because I believe in them.No matter what anyone tells me, I believe in them.”
Again, Hayden pops into my head, and I hate myself for it. Hayden wanted me to have children with him. He told me one night that he would always ensure his children and wife were first. He was faithful to me the entire time we were together and promised to stay devoted to me, and I believe him. I consumed him from the moment he went to sleep until we saw each other on the next moon. Despite his flaws, he never beat me; he cared for me. He’s afraid of the same thing I’m scared of.
Abandonment.
And I left him.
It hits me at this moment, and it strikes me hard. That Hayden still has me under his spell. I palm the scarred bite mark on my neck, pressing my hand on it, wishing I could hear his voice echo in my head whenever I strayed too far, like the concert or whenever I would take care of his mother’s garden.
“You know…the man that took me is the only person that made me feel seen, heard, and—” I trail off, thinking about the way Hayden would touch me, hold me, kiss me, and look at me like I was the only person in our world.
Desired.Loved.
I can’t say it. The way my mother and brother are looking at me right now, I don’t like it. Nash furrows his brows, confused and disappointed, while my mom looks disgusted as her face turns slack.
I don’t want to feel ashamed for falling in love with Hayden. He’s a broken soul like I am. I can relate to him in so many ways…our trauma, but I cannot save him, and I cannot fix him. That conclusion of inevitable reality hit me when I found out he killed my father and lied about what exactly I am.
I look away from them and stare at the pictures of my dad and me on my first day of college above the fireplace. He holds me with his arm around my shoulder in front of the university mascot. He never smiles in photos, but he did in this one. I like to think he was proud of me. The familiar dull pain pulls at my throat and chest, and I let out a heavy exhale.
“How could you say that?” She shakes her head. “Goodbye, Millie.” Mom closes the door, and I sink onto the couch where my dad used to sit.
“Goodbye, Mom,” I whisper and silently hold myself.
“A seriesof animal attacks have resurfaced and left five people dead. Curfew was lifted when Millie Flores returned home safely, but now the Mayor is taking more precautions. We may have a serial killer in town, the same one police are after, and since Pete Flores’ case remains unsolved, the entire town is on edge again.”
I hear the news reporter as I walk to the kitchen. I cross the living room behind Nash as he sits where my dad used to be.
“Turn it up, please? I want to listen to this,” I ask him, and he quickly turns, catching my worried gaze. He scatters for theTV remote and turns it off. Like I just caught him watching something vulnerable and wrong.
“Why’d you do that?” I try to reach for the remote, but he stands up and tucks the remote in his jeans. He stares at me, forcing his big brother smile like he’s trying to comfort me.
“I’m still your big brother. I still need to protect you. I’m the man of the house now, and I say, TV rots your brain.” He pulls me in and tucks his arm over my shoulder. He hooks my neck with his bicep, squeezing, and starts to nudge his knuckles into my head playfully.
“Stop, get off, jerk,” I joke as I push him away.
We both stand there in an awkward yet warm exchange between us. It feels like old times before he moved away for college. He’s trying hard to take care of me and distract me from falling into depression again. He knows I struggle with battles against myself. But I don’t need anyone to do that for me. I can do it alone. He’s trying to rekindle our sibling relationship but doesn’t know how to. He breaks the silence.
“I’m going out tonight to study with some friends over a video call. I’m still able to do group projects from home. The professors and the university have understood our entire situation.”
Nash starts to pack his things from the dining room table. He places his books in there and grabs his car keys. He heads for the door.
“I just paid off all of Dad’s debt that shifted over to us, by the way. Like his house, the funeral…”
Cooper licks my hand, and I smile down at him and pet him repeatedly. “Wow, our community is awesome.” I get on my knees just as Cooper rolls over to his back, his tongue hanging out happily, and I give him tummy rubs.
“Yeah. No kidding. One person made a one hundred million dollar donation. I put the rest away in a savings account.”
Something pulls at me, and a lightbulb goes off. I immediately think of one person I know capable of having that much money and wouldn’t blink an eye to drop that amount. I clear my throat and stand. I ball my fists.
“Who was it?” I ask in an accusatory manner.
“We don’t know, it was anonymous.” Nash shrugs and takes a bite of a Gala apple.
I stare at him pensively.
“When did they make this donation?” I pry further. I tighten my eyes and rub my lips together. I lean against the wall and cross my arms against my chest.
He starts to chew slowly like he’s weirded out. He shifts on his feet. His dark black hair moves to the side when he blows his shoulder-length hair out of his brown eyes that try to figure me out.
