Page 75 of Pretend
Our secret code.
It can’t be.
I hold my breath, and so does he. His thumb brushes against my wrist, back and forth. My mouth is just a mere torturous inch from his. A forbidden moment full of heat. I feel like I’m going to melt into nothing with the way his intimidating stare scorches me.
Blood rushes to my ears, something euphoric slithers into my core, and the sound of the C17 grows faint.
Daegan blinks slowly, his chest moving up and down rapidly, and his eyebrows narrow angrily with intensity.
Just when I think he’s going to make a move, I snap out of it.
I close my eyes and make a wish.
With my eyes still closed, I try to pry the best sniper in the military.
“Is there another reason why you look up at the sky when you’re stressed?”
He sighs, and I open my eyes to find him looking at the stars again. He lets go of my wrist, and my heart sinks. I internally tell my heart to shut up.
He tucks his hands behind his head and licks his lips.
“My mother,” he replies.
The beautiful woman in the picture, holding him as a child.
“Tell me about her.”
“She’s dead, Alessia.” He snaps.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
How stupid of me.
“I’m sorry.”
There’s an awkward silence, and I’m full of regret. I shouldn’t have asked something so personal. I shake my head, trying to fight the urge to get up and run away, but he speaks before I can make an impulsive decision to escape.
“She killed herself because she had postpartum depression.”
I swallow the lump in my throat before it can grow bigger, making me more stiff.
“I was five years old, but when she gave birth to my little sister, she developed postpartum depression, and it never got better. Until one day she took her life…on Valentine’s Day.”
Silence.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You know I used to fucking hate Valentine’s Day. I used to hate when February would come around because I resented my mother for taking her own life and leaving me so selfishly for so long.”
Silence.
“Then I got a taste of that. Taste of that alienating pain. My days of being tortured made me want to fucking kill myself. I just wanted to die because I was in so much fucking pain. I’d rather end the pain than for it to be dragged out. I wanted to put an end to my misery. But in a weird, sick way, I learned a lesson because that’s when it hit me. My mother felt the same as I did. Of course, it was different circumstances, but still…her pain was dismissed because people couldn’t physically see what was scarring her up on the inside, but her pain was as real as any other pain.”
He turns to me.
“And she killed herself.”
