Page 108 of Pretend
“I’m sorry,mija. I can tell you to move on and to let him go because you deserve better. It’s the truth. You do deserve better. But even I know it’s easier said than done.”
Maybe drinking isn’tthe solution. I know it’s not the solution, but I let Kane drag me out of my house after three weeks of crying non-stop. He was supposed to return to Iraq but he was ordered to stay back home longer.
We’ve gotten closer lately, and I’m not mad about it. Winters is still in Iraq doing her job…where I’m supposed to be. I can’t talk to her the way I want to speak to her about it. There are just some things better left said face to face rather than on the phone. And for me, this is one of those things.
I did want to chase my feelings with Daegan selfishly, risking both of our careers, so I can’t place the entire blame on him. I can’t fault him for my actions because I knew exactly what I was doing.
I’m angry at myself for being so damn stupid in every way. For risking my job and reputation. And secondly, for falling for Daegan’s lies.
I was ordered to go back home by my stepfather after the rumors spread about my relationship with Daegan. I think he did it to protect me, but still, I was angry I couldn’t do my job, and now I’m labeled as a slut.
“You know, Kane. You could be spending time with your girlfriend. I hate that I’m burdening you with my problems.”
“Listen, Valentine.” Kane starts to tease me with my freshly earned nickname, and I purse my lips, narrowing my eyes at the dark blue dots in his eyes that flicker with humor. He mouths to Gabe ‘shots.’ “I’ve been where you are before, it sucks, and I don’t think being alone helps.” Kane nudges me with his shoulder over his black leather jacket. “Plus, I invited my brother over to join us,” he looks at his watch and then at me, “he should be here any minute now. He just joined the teams. Fresh out of graduation. We might as well celebrate his accomplishment while we’re reunited.”
“You have a brother?” I ask.
“I have several brothers and sisters.”
“Already back home, beautiful?” Gabe leans over the counter to hug me. I’m not going to lie. I like the way Gabe smiles at me. He’s always so lovely and has given me plenty of drinks on the house.
“Yeah. It’s a long story…” I tell him. A hard rock in my throat forms, and I choke up. I look away from Gabe and stare at the neon cattle sign behind him instead, blinking fast.
Gabe grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
“I’ve got time.” Pure admiration radiates from him. He has a ball cap on, and warmth flashes in his brown eyes. “Maybe we can go for frozen yogurt. Maybe it can be a date?”
I pause, my chest tightens, and I’m actually considering it for a split second. I don’t say anything at first, but then the liquor I’ve been drinking for the past hour starts to coat me with frustration.
I can’t believe I’m one of those girls. Did I really fall for a married man?
“I would love nothing more than that. I should be free since I’m no longer deployed, but I’ll let you know…” I murmur as Kane collides his shot with mine, and the glasses chime. I down the shot Gabe handed me a few seconds ago.
“One of these nights it’ll be a definite yes.” Gabe kisses my cheek. I sink down into my chair feeling guilty. Another customer calls him over and he leaves.
Kane raises his brows as I down my drink next.
It rolls down my throat, burning and scorching my flesh, and I wince, letting out a ragged breath. I slam the shot down, fighting the pitiful large lump in my throat.
I don’t have answers from Daegan, and I’m not sure I want them anymore. I burp drunkenly.
“Alessia, want me to take you home?” Kane asks.
“Hold that thought. I’m going to the restroom.” I scootch out of the chair, and the ground on my feet starts to feel like I’m on an escalator.
Yup, I think it’s time I go home.
I walk to the bathrooms in El Devine. The rain grows harsher, battering the windows of the exit door at the end of the hall. Even through the blurred rainstreaks, I can see the trees sway in the distance with strong winds, and the bushes hit the glass.
I stumble, and the liquor hits me even harder. I’m starting to see two of everything. I didn’t drink that much to have these kinds of side effects. I palm one side of the wall before my ribs crash into it. Arching my brows, I shake my head twice to try and escape the blurs.
“Alessia?”
Someone calls my name. Someone who used to have my heart, someone who broke it.
I turn around slowly and palm the wall. I squint through the dark hallway and cringe when I see Jack. I grimace, furrowing my brows, and roll my eyes, not giving him an ounce of my attention.
I’m definitely going home now.
