Page 106 of Pretend
I want to tell him that I like to lick his daughter’s pussy, and there’s not a damn thing he can do to stop me.
That’s when it hits me.
I clench my teeth, and I’m desperate to pull out my bullet.
I’m a married man.
I shouldn’t.
I can’t, and I won’t.
And I will put a stop to this.
My obsession is getting to me.
The truth of my established career shouts at me. Operator Grim Reaper’s absence reminds me that having a family doesn’t interest me.
It fucking doesn’t.
Danny Rider changed.
I will not.
I’ve done enough.
I look back at Ravenmore.
“I promise it’s over,” I tell him truthfully.
42
ALESSIA
Guerra outed Daegan and me,which resulted in Kane escorting me back home. It’s well deserved. He’s only here for a few days for a four-day weekend and then has to report to base.
My stepfather hasn’t said anything. He sent it down the chain of command, had Winters be the bad guy, and let me know that I was to return to the United States for misconduct in the workplace.
I was ashamed because it hit me…hard.
I was embarrassed not only because I tainted my career but also because I embarrassed Ravenmore…my mother—a well-respected veteran who used to work in intelligence like me. My mother and Ravenmore are a power couple, and I failed them, too.
Daegan hasn’t reached out to me. He hasn’t called or texted, which breaks my heart even more. No groveling or answers I deserve to know. I mean, what can he say? He most likely feels the weight of our consequences and realizes I’mnot worth apologizing to. And yet, still, I want to know how he’s recovering. He almost died and lost a lot of blood, and I’m still worried about him.
How could I let myself get here?
I put myself in a place where I got my heart broken twice in one year. So what am I doing? I’m going to drink and drink until I can’t remember my own name tonight. I’m going to put myself first for the first time in a long time.
A knock on my door wakes me up from my sleep. I’m still heavily jet-lagged and exhausted from crying. After almost twenty-four hours of traveling halfway across the world back to North Carolina, I don’t want to feel the weight of my mistakes.
I fucked someone’s husband…the guilt of that eats me alive.
Sleep sounds good, and it feels good after failing myself and everyone around me.
I get up from the bed with sadness clouding my brain. I rub my eyes as the knocks keep going, and I put on my black Jack Skellington slippers before I walk out of my bedroom.
I take a glance in my hallway mirror.
Tangled, messy black curls.
