Page 20 of See You Soon
"Spit it out," Meredith says, tilting her head forward down.
"Do I come off as a romantic? Can you tell I fall under the category of a relationship type of girl… in the first impression?" I ask, unsure of wanting to know the answer.
"Hah. Definitely a relationship type of girl. You fall hard and easily. You are a fairytale, rainbows, and butterflies, always believing that there's good in every single person you meet, type of girl."
I look at her with my mouth dropped open. I didn't expect her to come back with that answer. Her comments are harsh.
"Geez, I think a simple yes would have sufficed." I shake my head. How long has she been holding onto that one?
"Look Ari… you don't know the man. We know how religious your family is. Your mother’s always reminding you tosave yourself for marriage."Emilia throws imaginary air quotes.
"You're right… I'm not even sure how my mom pushed me to leave with him yesterday. She's usually so strict and judgmental so yesterday was a shock that she let me leave with him. I don't know him but I'm tired of being scared. It feels… different with Danny." I concede. "But I won't be seeing him anymore."
"Ok… bullet dodged, let's move on. I don't want to hear a story about how youalmostlost your virginity. Let's start planning our next night out please."
Meredith rolls her eyes and raises the volume in her car. She’s blasting Taylor Swift music. I'm a hopeless romantic but she's the one blasting, her catchy love songs. I look back at Emilia and she shrugs, shaking her head at Meredith's blunt behavior.
I look outside the window pondering about Danny. The weather is still windy and rainy, with dark gray clouds even though it’s early in the morning and the sun should have been out. Humidity is higher than usual.
Meredith's words linger in my head.
"Hah. Definitely a relationship type of girl."
I bite my lip as I feel my body on fire. Fire out of rage and hurt. Why does everyone make me feel bad for wanting to believe that everyone is good? In a world full of pain and unforgiving people, I want to be a part of the good. I truly believe you can make a huge impact on someone's life just by smiling at them. But the constant criticism from my best friendand then from Danny.I feel belittled. I appreciate and respect Meredith's opinions but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to hear it.
At this moment… something washes over and I decided to challenge myself. No longer am I going to feel belittled because I fall in love so fast? Maybe I won't be a'relationship type of girl'anymore. Maybe... I'm going to let myself indulge in my emotions more and speak my mind, loud and clear.
Chapter8
danny
Ari left this morning, and it shockingly bothers the shit out of me. I've done this many times. A girl comes over, and we fuck. She leaves the next morning, or I do. But this wasn't likemany times.I've never not finished what I've started with a woman but last night was different, nevertheless.
I woke up with a hangover from hell. After Ari went to bed, I finished half a bottle of Jack Daniels alone. I sat in the dark, as the hurricane passed through, by my lit fireplace, drinking in silence. Sitting on the couch where I made Ari come with my mouth. She was sleeping upstairs, and I was heavily tempted to wake her up with my cock several times. I left her begging for more and it took everything in me to not take her innocence last night.
I watched the flames burn through the wood as I continued to serve myself glass after glass and it still wasn’t taking the edge off. The sound of thunder was the only thing keeping me company.
She's Paul's sister.
Fucking hell.
The morning brought clarity and I was losing myself again. The alcohol will no longer blur the battles I’ll endure for the rest of the day.
His death brought different types of demons over my head that I've never had. Call it survivor's guilt but it was more than that.It felt more than that. I was there when he fucking died in my arms.
I can't tell Ari this. I can't tell her the details about how he died without feeling like the devil. I'd rather not live to see how she would react to such a gruesome memory. The story behind his death is something that very few know about. Only the people there on that mission that killed Paul knew.
As a team, we always refrain from telling families the details about their loved one's death. There's a protocol to it all and we couldn't open our mouths about it. Not one single peep.
So, I drank. And drank more and more until I fucking couldn't feel my own pain anymore, racking out on my couch, thinking about Ari's sweet taste. She tastes so different from all the others. She is the forbidden fruit in my world and I'm the serpent in her ears, calling her name. I want to lure her into my world, but I would be a selfish asshole if I took her. Who am I kidding? I am a selfish asshole but the respect I have for Paul, draws the line.
It's ten in the morning when I finish brushing my teeth. Nora's already blowing up my phone and I'm getting irritated by her persistence. Yet, if she's willing to scratch this itch of desire, I won't say no. I decided to give in. Nora never minded the no strings attached nights we have together and that's the way I like it. She isn't the only woman I have this type of relationship with. There are others but lately, she's more eager. I give in to Nora and set up plans with her, texting her back.
But If I can't have Ari... no one will. I'm going to make sure of it in my own way. I had stopped myself from paying my respects to Paul's family for a reason. I couldn't look them in the eye without feeling like I had taken a part in destroying their lives. Still... I made a promise to Paul when he was alive.
And I had to keep it, better late than never... right?
It doesn't matter. I won't keep running away from the promise now, not after feeling this attraction I have for her.
