Page 106 of See You Soon
I reach out and touch his chest, my hands trailing the sand clock tattoo. I'll let him take me the way he wants, the way he needs. I reach for his cheek but he stops me. He looks relieved and the most relaxed I've ever seen him… so when he stops me from going any further, I'm stunned.
"Not tonight." He leans in and kisses my cheek.
He looks tired, drained,and vulnerable.He wants to just… sleep instead. Something, he’s still getting used to doing. Letting himself drift into a deep slumber… with meafter sex.Every morning I wake up alone and I wonder when that would end… would it ever end? Will he ever comprehend that I accept him and every single fucked thing about him?
It doesn't take long until he's turning me around and we're lying down. We're both quiet and we both have said enough. I didn't want to talk anymore. I just wanted to enjoy his visible presence alongside me.
Danny falls to the bed, grabs my hand, pulling me down with him. He kicks off his pants and gets comfortable.
"I need to pee." I crawl out of his grasp until my feet hit the floor.
I can't help but feel like I need a moment to fall apart… alone.
As I walk through the hallway to Danny’s bathroom, I notice how it’s completely covered in all of his military achievements, awards, and graduations. They’re all framed and neatly organized on each wall representing a successful and accomplished Navy career. Medals, and photographs with high-ranking admirals, glimmer in my eyes. This man truly was incredible.
I brush my teeth as quickly as I can. But once I look in the mirror, I fall apart. I start sobbing, breathing heavily and I grip the edge of the sink. I break away from my own reflection and look up at the ceiling.
I'm questioning my faith once again. I hate that Paul had to die like that. One wrong decision and it was lights out for my big brother.
I make sure to sob quietly. I didn't want Danny to worry. I was worried for him.
"Paul, why did you always have to be so dang stubborn?" I whisper to the ceiling.
My brother made his choice but I know for a fact he wouldn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him. Hearing these words come from Danny’s mouth felt like dark poison being spilled into the air. The story was so hard to hear… and I would never be able to open my mouth about it. I can’t help but think of my mother and how I'll never be able to tell her the gruesome truth.
Would she hate Danny? Or would she be able to accept it without placing blame? The thought of her blaming Danny makes me cringe.
I have to take this to the grave with me. She wouldn't want to picture the horrid night of his death either way. It could very well kill her to picture such gruesome details about her son.
Danny put his whole career on the line for me. I demanded to know classified information and he gave it to me. He revealed information that was buried alongside Paul very much risking everything, possibly breaking laws. Being a Navy SEAL is who he is and I've accepted that since the day I met him. I'm no stranger to the military lifestyle and I understand how it works. Paul was just as passionate abouthis job.
His career is everything and if he truly wanted to he could’ve just stopped pursuing me. Or he could have been the monster that he thinks he is, and fucked me without ever calling again. He could’ve kept his secrets. But he’s crossing lines and breaking his own plans…for me.
This whole time Danny feels responsible for Paul dying and if that doesn’t show me how strong this man is, I don’t know what does. I don't know how he stays strong but he does.
I calm myself down before I head back into his room. When I open the door, the lamp's turned off and Danny lays with his arms crossed behind his head.
I walk towards him, relaxed. He's staring at the ceiling, waiting for me. A part of me feels relieved from his confession.
Everything in our relationship feels like it's going at warp speed with no slowing down in sight. I envision it's only going to get faster when our baby is here. Only five more months and I'm giving birth to a baby whose gender’s still a mystery to both of us.
Danny lifts the blankets upwards for me and I blush when I realize he's naked underneath the covers. All the muscles on his abs, contracting. I take off the shirt I'm wearing and it hits the floor. Instead, I reach for the baby doll lingerie I had packed earlier. I slip it on slowly as he watches me the entire time.
"Are you trying to torture me?"
I laugh.
It's a light, thin, velvet material that barely covers anything.
"How am I torturing you?"
"Because I want to tear that off and break you the way I've been wanting to since I've been back."
I want that to.
I crawl into bed. I lay on my side and Danny pulls me in closer to him gently. His fingers circle my nipple on my breast. When I get closer to him, his scent fills my nose. Spice, wood, and his mouth-watering cologne but I can still smell a bar. Curiosity gnaws at me.
“Where were you tonight?” I ask.
